Give Up or Have Hope

[Hopeful99]

I am in my mid 30's and met a wonderful woman who is also in her mid 30's.

She is everything I am looking for – smart, funny, and beautiful. We had gone out 4 times and had great conversation each time. She then called me and apologized for being unable to open up emotionally to me. She cited several reasons including the time of the year, as she said the holidays are very stressful for her due to ex husband issues, things that have happened in the past, etc. She did ask me to have patience with her.

 

Since that discussion, we have only talked on the phone a coupled of times, emailed a few times, and have not seen each other. She always tells me that she enjoys talking and that she would like to talk soon . However, we do not end up talking.

 

I guess I can accept it if she is not interested but why give me the runaround. She know I have feelings for her. I even told her that I would stop contacting her if she did not want to have any contact for whatever reason. She responded that she wanted to chat soon and she would give me a call. She could have taken the easy way out and responded via email for me to not contact her……..why dies she leave everything open ended?

 

Looking for some female perspective her and some advice.

[honeyspur]

I really think you should follow her lead. She's dropping hints that she wants deeper communication. Maybe she wants you to get to know her by asking her specific details about these "problems" she has when trying to get together.

"What was your ex like?" "What was your childhood like?"

Maybe sounding like a therapist doesn't appeal to you, I don't know. But those who have been scarred by life may need that more in a relationship than others, so it is a lot to consider. She might be being really honest with you that she feels she is too much to handle.

I think if you feel motivated to be that kind of person, you should try this approach. I also think it's totally understandable and realistic to know there are millions of women out there and to go after someone who communicates differently.

Good luck.

[Hopeful99]

Thanks for the reply. I just get the feeling that unfortunately there is something more than just being emotionally unavailable. She has told me a couple of times she would call and then never does - I initiate everything. I have left a couple of messages on her home - no call back! She always responds via email says we will talk - then nothing. Seems like a very immature way to end things for someone her age.

[jl301]

Hey Hopefull99,

 

I think we kind in the similar situation right now. You feel like she is giving the run around and not giving the honest answer. I want to ask you something? How much do you like her? Is she worth it for you to be feeling this way. I don't know your whole situation, but maybe she is really difficult time right now with her ex especially during the holidays or she has lost interests in you.

 

It seems like you have initiate everything and bascially you left ball in her court. Whether or not, she wants play or not is up to her? I think the best thing for you maybe to prepare yourself to move on. However, I won't cut off contact completely with her, if you really like her. Don't call anymore and do no contact thing. Just email her from now on and be very brief in the email. If she doesn't responded than you know is time to move on. There are plenty of fishes in the sea wanting for you. I just find it funny that I trying to give you advice and yet I'm kind the same situation like you. If you like take look at my post under Relationship and title is "should I move on (Dating an single mother) Thanks and good luck with all this.

 

jl301