Will this insecurity ever pass?

[mandy_n_jut]

 

 

That post I made over the summer, I also posted again about our update, in which I said that we were doing good, and the ex is no longer in the picture. Well now I have an insecurity issue. My boyfriend has given me no reason to not trust him since we have been back together. I just can't seem to shake this though, and move forward. I love him to death, and he said when I stop questioning him on how much he loves me, and past issues we had, that he will ask me to marry him. I really want this, and I want to marry him. Its hard, I can say that I will not feel insecure anymore everyday and twice on sunday, and it will still keep coming back and haunting me so to speak. I WANT to move forward for "us", and not dwell on the past. What should I do about this? Are there any other ways that I could go about it, or will this be with me forever???

[Boricua7]

I have been going through this too. It took me awhile to heal from things that have happened to me in the past and these things hindered my relationship with the man that I want to be with for the rest of my life. One thing that helped me with SOME incidents (I am still insecure and can't shake some new scars) is to try to picture your bf as a different person now then he was then. This has helped me a lot. Time heals even the deepest wounds so it becomes easier over time to do this. I, because I am still struggling with this issue, don't know what else to tell you. I would love to hear what other people have to say about this topic in hopes that it will help the both of us.

[RayKay]

I don't like that "condition" he placed on you...he should want to marry you because he loves you, and wants to....I can see WHY he does it if he worries this will be a lifelong issue, but I can really see it working negatively too and given the context (cheating) I think it is a very unfair thing.

 

Everyone at some point may feel a bit insecure or unsure, especially if their is a past that has created those problems, and so he can thereforeeee always have a "reason" not to get married....or...he can "excuse" future suspicions of cheating by just saying you just don't trust him, so you are not going to get married...it keeps you in a bit of a controlled situation..it's a way for you to NOT ever ask about anything suspicious out of fear of him leaving, and it's a way for him to never have to commit...because unless you work together on these issues, they will always be there. He has to realize the trust issues and insecurity are not out of the blue, there is cause for them due to HIS past behaviour of cheating and lying!

 

Are you two working TOGETHER towards rebuilding things? For example going to counselling?

 

He cheated on you, he lied to you and betrayed you. He cannot expect you to just magically bounce back from that. When someone cheats, if there is to be reconciliation it takes BOTH people to work towards rebuilding it, and admitting their responsibilities.