What are relationships all about?

[Jayme]

Aren't relationships all about compromising with each other, for example, their passions for different things and such. But when that compromise isn't happening, what do couples fall back on? Can they really simply fall back on love itself? As in the feelings they have for each other?

 

Being in a relationship has become such a chore for me, there are so many aspects to look into. Your personal life is sometimes already in shambles, but in a relationship you have as a guy to look after another person's life as whatever you do with your personal life affects the other, visa versa. How can a human being so imperfect take on so many things at a time? Especially when your partner is so emotionally dependent on you and thereforeeee the relationship, till the point I emotionally drained.

 

I do know that we have to be by each other's side when s**t happens, when one is down, but can we really be supportive when you yourself is down? There seems no emotional support in some sense in the whole relationship for me.

 

If you talk about getting it from friends, I got to be honest with you all and say, we Asians have a peculiar way of love. In our view, a relationship should just involve ourselves and thereforeeee you shouldn't get involved in any "friendships" of our own, expect mutual friends. And we too were caught up with this "system". I don't know where am I getting at, but what can be done to prevent or prepare yourself from going through emotional "drain-ess", and to prepare yourself for a healthy relationship coming from an Asian thinking of possessive-ness and such.

 

How do other couples maintain their relationship till marriage since childhood sometimes? I just do not understand. Does indivuals in the relationship have to be very understanding and know their partner inside out? I've tried so many times, being myself in the relationship but my partners seemed to always like me being more "man-ly" instead of being a person who gives in to their requests and not standing up for my views. But when I finally do change to stand up for my opinions and such, they start complaining about me being too cold, and liked the past me. I'm lost. I've lost myself, I do things that I don't do usually such as feeling unappreicated etc.

 

How can someone truly understand a woman, we can't always compromise with them right? Even when they are truly wrong, they are always right? Have you ever felt being treated like a servant in the relationship? Sigh.

[emma34]

These are all valid questions, and I reply to your post, not because I in any way have a solid answer for you - but to offer a bit of wisdom from my tiny experience in the matter. I've known people who met in high school, got married, and have been together for many years and I often ask the same questions. I feel that for people nowadays, living in a world of independence there is a harder struggle. One wants to offer themselves in a relationship, but at the same time fights to be independent simultaneously. I truly believe that timing and time spent is often the key.

 

Recently I was going through a breakup and was talking to my parents about it - I said, I really don't get relationships, I want to be independent, strong, free-willed, but it's nearly impossible once you fall in love...I can try, but missing them and needing them can become overwhelming. Heres what they said; that you will fall in love probably more than once in this journey because that truly is the easy part, and your gut will know that they may not be the own, but it will take time to get your head screwed back on after the afterglow of being in love. If it is truly going to work out, there has to be an unspoken agreement on how much each will give into the relationship. It seems to make so much more sense to just discuss that with your partner and come to an agreement but in the end, one will end up feeling they aren't getting enough, or being crowded. A romantic relationship is so much like being best friends with someone, and if you can't see yourself being friends with them - they are not the one.

 

Once this happens, of course it will take compromise but then again, in life there are things worth compromising and things that aren't, and only you personally can decide that. If it doesn't feel right, it is doomed. So then once this happens you will begin to accept this unperfect relationship because deep down you will feel that it is worth more than you could ever sacrifice. Time will tell, and you can't expect it to just happen on its own - you get to know someone so well, every expression, every reaction, so without saying a word you are compromising. Relationships are not a chore, they are a blessing, and there is no expiry date on love

 

Okay so that was really long, and who knows if that helps at all, but it kinda inspired me. Good luck to you.

[Jayme]

You are right, there are things that are worth compromising and there are sometimes that are just not worth. Thank you for that emma, it helped me see the light on my situation. I unknowingly decided that my life together with my partner has really alot of unsolved problems that really ain't worth compromising for.