it's been exactly 2 weeks since NC

[deejay74]

today is exactly 2 weeks since i last tried to contact my ex. i sent her a text message 2 weeks ago saying how much i was hurting and how i couldn't stop thinking about her and us. of course i didn't get a response, not that i was really expecting one, but it was the last time i attempted to make contact. she had broken up with me 3 days prior.

 

i have to admit, i am rather envious of those on here who's ex's have contacted them. mine hasn't. and it's not like she broke up with me for someone else or that i was bad to her, she simply let me go b/c she can't handle a relationship right now (she said she's overwhelmed) because she's a very busy person and is very focused right now with her school and goals. i completely understand her reasons but it sucks for me. i have never been dumped for a reason like this.

 

i must say, though, i am proud of myself for sticking to NC, even though the other day i almost slipped up by calling her but hanging up before it rang. but i keep wanting her to call me so that i know she's at least thinking about me. it hurts b/c she hasn't even sent me an email or txt message at all. i mean, she said it was a hard decision for her to make to break up with me so why hasn't she made any attempt to contact me?

 

i hate this and i really want to call her right now. i really miss her.

[ocrob]

Good job for being strong. I respect your ex. She is not playing mind games with you and not using you for support. She definitely misses you and seems to be a strong woman. She is respecting you by not contacting you and you are showing will power and strength by not contacting her. The day may come, but it is not now. Good job my friend. It has been a month for me and I was doing awesome, but lately have been missing her. It just goes with the territory.

[romantic sweetheart]

The pain of no contact seems unbearable at times. You did the right thing by coming here, where there a hundreds of us who understand, and who all stand on the same island with you--the Island of Compassion. Because we are here with you, or we have spent a lot of time on that island. Eventually, we all get off that island...because a little ship comes along and carries us off unto a new destiny..whether it be with a new person, the same person, or something entirely different...that ship will come. For now, feel the pain, cry those tears, sigh those sighs, and know that we are in sympathy with you.

 

Trust that you will speak to your ex again. There is no doubt about it. But right now is a time for healing. The heart asks a lot of us when it is on the mend. It's painful, it's devestating, but somehow we survive.

 

Just keep talking to us here. We've found one another in the cyberspace world, as strange a world as any, but still--it's a community. I hope this forum can provide comfort for you.

 

Do not lose heart. Beautiful things are born from pain.

[NR498E]

Good job buddy,

After my ex bailed she never made any attempt to contact me either.We were together about 3yrs.

 

It doesnt matter though,any thing she says that comes short of "I want you back" is going to just put you back.

 

Youve been very strong so far."Self contol is a virtue"

[deejay74]

Good job for being strong. I respect your ex. She is not playing mind games with you and not using you for support. She definitely misses you and seems to be a strong woman. She is respecting you by not contacting you and you are showing will power and strength by not contacting her. The day may come, but it is not now. Good job my friend. It has been a month for me and I was doing awesome, but lately have been missing her. It just goes with the territory.

 

either that or she's found someone else already. i keep thinking it may be but when i asked her if she broke up with me because she found someone else, she said "that couldn't be further from the truth". so, who knows? i sure would like to.

 

anyway, i hope you're right.

[coooolsome]

Dont worry, you are doing great. Dont worry about what your ex is doing. I am going on 4 weeks and this is the first time I have done NC for so long. Usually it only lasts 2 weeks. It get easier and easier, just make sure you dont contact her when the urge comes. Just get on with your life and have some fun and it makes the time go by a lot quicker.

[friscodj]

Eventually, we all get off that island...because a little ship comes along and carries us off unto a new destiny..whether it be with a new person, the same person, or something entirely different...that ship will come.

 

So true, so true. And life is so amazing where that little ship might not look like what we thought, in a place we never thought of, and come at a least expected time, to take us to places we never knew existed with an unbelievable journey along the way...

[deejay74]

today hasn't been any better since yesterday. the only strength i've been getting is coming here and reading your responses over and over again. even today at work, i've been very irritable and i can't concentrate on my work.

 

i feel so torn right now. i know calling her isn't going to help, in fact i know it will probably set me back a few steps but my desire to call is pulling me in the other direction. this is literally one of the hardest things i've ever had to do. it feels like i am chained from both my right and left arms and the chains are being pulled in opposite directions.

 

i am actually having to take it almost minute by minute.

 

why did she have to make me feel this way? does she even know how much i am suffering because of this? and if she knew, what would she say anyway? does she even realize what she let go of? i am trying my hardest, believe me, my hardest to get through this and to let go of her and to let go of the idea that we'll get back together but it's soooooo difficult. it's like my brain has been inserted with a chip that is making me cling onto something that may never happen and i cannot remove that chip or turn it off in any way.

[friscodj]

I know how you feel man. You sound like you are in the deepest corner of the hurt locker right now. You what that means? It can only get better, right? It may stay the same for a while, but I think if you keep thinking about the situation and let the suffering and obsession run their course, you'll turn a corner and start feeling better.

 

Another thing you may want to do is visit a counselor. I know talking to a pro can really help, and has helped me before. They know what questions to ask and good ones can really make you see the situation in a different light.

 

Post here anytime, we're here for you!

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

For a guy with a pic of a man in a diaper, friscodj is right on the money. You're in a lot of pain right now. I've been there, so I know how much you're hurting. It can only get better and it will, just give it time.

 

When I was in the same situation, I ended up going to a counselor. It really was the best method I found to help me deal. Give it a try, the results might surprise you.

[deejay74]

Another thing you may want to do is visit a counselor.

 

the funny thing is i do see a councelor, or therapist is more like it. i only see her once a week though and that's not enough so i'm actually going to see her twice a week now. i am fine when i see her and even when i leave, but then the next day i start to relapse. obviously, i can't have my own personal therapist with me 24/7 so i am trying to be strong. what's ironic, is the therapist i am seeing is the same one my ex is seeing. i started to see her while we were going out. i know some of you may say that's a bad idea but she's a professional and i feel that whatever i've said about my ex and vice versa never leaves that office. not only that, if it did, it's illegal. i actually had a "talk" with my therapist right after the break up about my concerns about her treating both my ex and me and she reassured me that she's very good at disassociating herself from either one of us when she's in a session with us. anyway, it doesn't matter anymore because i am no longer with my ex. plus, she's seen couples before (one on one and not together) so i feel she's experienced with separating the 2 entities.

 

i agree with you friscodj that i feel like i am in the bottom depths of this break up and this stage of NC, so i hope you're right when you say it can only get better.

 

it still bothers me that i am so devastated and affected by this break up and it hurts me to think that my ex isn't suffering anywhere near as much as i am, not that i would want her to. again, i just want to let go...BADLY! i can't believe how in love i was with this girl and you know what, if she said she made a mistake and wanted me to forgive her, i would. but i know that's not going to happen.

 

19 days since the break up, 16 days into NC, and and i am still agonizing over everything.

[healinginnyc81]

I've started to see a therapist too. Only one session so far but I feel a little hope at least that i can get through this.

 

One thing I've tried when I get into those dark panic moments when I just have to call my ex, is I try to close my eyes and just listen to all the sounds in the world. It's kind of a meditation I guess on the world around me using all my senses except my eyes but not getting caught up in my own mind. I usually keep falling back into the thoughts of the ex after a minute or so, but I just keep trying to concentrate on the sensations from the outside world and it usually helps after about 15 minutes to lessen the driving desire to call my ex. When I have those days with that sinking helpless feeling I usually spend the whole day going back and forth between this meditation, thoughts of my ex, and doing my schoolwork. It's a bitter fight, but it's my only way to make it past this.

[Dako]

I'm not doing NC with my ex. There are too many details to work out in the transition that can't be avoided. I have stopped calling her when I feel down, and try to always be upbeat and happy. You can imagine what happens when the call ends.

 

I'm finding the urge to call her getting weaker, and some days she calls and I feel annoyed. Time has worked wonders, to the point that I would never take her back.