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What to do (part 2)????

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I hadn't seen my ex for 6 days until this weekend when I spent this Sat. at a once a year bowling tournament with friends and family. I tried to keep my distance from her as much as possible, limiting our conversation and interaction. As the day went on, she began to look upset with the fact that I was ignoring her. To make things worse, it was killing me not hanging out with her like we normally would have done. After bowling, there was a dinner that everyone went to. While at the dinner, I came to the realization that this whole situation was killing me and I called a good friend to come pick me up.

Once I was gone, I was even more "f-ed" up because she wasn't around.

About one hour after I left, she called me and I could tell she was upset. I told her I would be coming to the same bar she was at in a little while.

When I met up with her, I could tell that she had been crying and was noticeably upset. We talked for a while and when we left the bar, I ended up staying at her house over night. The next morning, we cuddled, joked, and hung out like we used to 5 weeks ago when we were still together.

I know that everyone says NC is the best thing possible, but I am in a unique situation. She has been my best friend since 7th grade (we are now 25 years old), our families are best friends, etc.

Last week, I sent her an email saying:


"I am not sure what I want or we need in terms of communication. I often think that cutting our ties completely for a little while would be best, but realistically, that is pretty much impossible. I don't think either one of us could do that and if we tried, we would just tear ourselves up and make our own personal situations worse. We can't even go 5 days without talking on the phone and we can't even go 2 hours without having some sort of urge to communicate in some way.

I think we should just leave it where we are right now. We don't talk all the time, but if we are having hard times, we are still able to call each other as a sort of "lifeline." I feel like this break has helped the both of us, realize some things and I, personally, feel like we are making progress. Although I hate the fact that we are not "together," I do still feel some sort of bond. I know all this time alone is horrible and depressing, but we are both noticing things we like, love, and miss. These times alone and lost are the times when you figure out the most about yourself and that is what will help come to your ultimate resolution. All these discoveries of what and who we are can make our vision blurry and I hope when it all clears, the end result is us together.


If you need anything, please don't hesitate to call. No matter what time. If I don't answer, leave a message if you want me to call you back. If there is no message, I will probably not call back."


This truly is how I feel, but it is just so hard. She is just under soooo much pressure with work and 2 graduate classes. It also doesn't help that she has very low self-esteem. She is planning on going to professional help to try and figure herself out. I just don't know what to do. Every free minute is spent thinking of her and I really don't think that she wants it to be over. Any advice would be great.

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  • 4 months later...



Sounds like you are having a rough time at the moment. Maybe she does want to have a relationship, but with the pressure of study and work, she feels that her life is too stressful already without having to worry about a committed relationship.


The only thing you can do at this stage is just do what you said in your email, and just be there for her. She may cut all ties with you if she feels like you are pressuring her for a relationship...


Good luck, stay strong, and let us know how things turn out...

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