Update..Lengthy but Needed

[WildChild]

Well, what he promised he was just kidding about was in all actuality the truth. There again on Saturday morning as plain as day in the history was a bunch of porn sites he had visited on Friday while I was at work, including AdultFriendFinder with registration and women looking for men. A total set up and of course I couldn't say anything because I knew it was a set up and he would throw it in my face. Right before we're leaving town Saturday to visit his dying grandmother he makes a comment to me about using a public phone at his job site to call me one day. I said it wasn't me he called from there because caller ID showed such and such. He openly questions who it was that he called and then with a smirk says "oh yeah, now I remember." I didn't even acknowledge that I heard him. I knew I couldn't because he was just hoping I would ask who it was that he called and he could say I was a snoop. I have come to the realization, this whole thing is now a way for him to openly do what he wants because he knows I am stubborn enough to prove him wrong that I am not a snoop. So he wins. He gets to look at the sites with the satisifaction of knowing if I do see it I will never say a word. He made a couple hurtful comments about my food intake (which he had stopped doing until now) which I figured and played off as him being sad about his grandma and taking it out on me. But yet for most of the weekend he treated me like a princess...bought me an awesome outfit, paid for things I had planned on paying for, commented me on how pretty or adorable I looked.

 

We stopped at an adult store on the way home since I had never been in one. He told me I should have bought something and I explained I didn't want to just buy something without figuring out what it was that I wanted. He wanted me to get some lingerie and I said I had plenty at home and he commented he never sees it. So I used that as my opening. I told him that I give up on wearing it and how would he ever know I have it on because a) he sleeps on the couch most of the time or b) he is gaming until wee hours in the night and when he does make it to bed sex is the last thing on his mind. We talked about him and his ex and the toys he had bought her but then adds he didn't know why she would have wanted them (leaving me with the impression they had an active sex life). I commented at one point or the other that I never imagined at the age of 34 I would be in a relationship that had little to no sex. At this point I wanted to make it clear again that I was frustrated even though the conversation was light. He commented he is always there ready and willing and I laughed. Ha!

 

When we returned home things were fine and I made it very clear to him I wanted to have sex before he left town for the week again. I tried initiating it and he commented he was too full from supper and I told him "See, here we go again. You are never ready and willing." So a little later I told him I was going to bed and he said he would be to bed soon, but came in almost two hours later well after I had fallen asleep and he was snoring within minutes. I went out to the livingroom to sleep angered and resentful. I could barely speak to him when he left. Ironically enough, all those sites are now gone from his history. Maybe his plan didn't work the way he had hoped. I hope he feels lousy over it. I'm at the point of becoming just as hurtful in his backdoor ways.

 

I don't get it people!!! He tells me he finds me attractive, but yet will make comments sometimes in an off-the-wall way that leads me to believe I can't be attractive to him. Anything I try to do sexy whether for myself or him (i.e. a new pair of long-legged leather boots I just bought) he acts like it offends him that I would even wear such a thing. But yet he looks at all these chicks on these sites who are dressed provocative. Hell, he even has a site saved in his favorites in a way that the site is named you wouldn't think is a porn site, but it is.

 

I am happy in every aspect outside of our sex life and his lies about it. Why can't he just be straight about it instead of ignoring me and my concerns? I would rather be hurt by the truth than hurt by his continuous misguidance over it. I am truly contemplating how much more I can take, and almost told him this morning I can't do it anymore. You know what stopped me? The fact that his grandmother is dying and I don't want to add the stress to it. I look at our times we do have sex which is now only 2 times in almost 3 months and I realize that the last 3-4 times we have had sex he is so concentrated on me giving him pleasure and getting off that he doesn't even foreplay with me even when I suggest it. I am tired, wore out, and left feeling inadequate. I keep the house clean, and he makes a mess right behind me. I help out financially where I can, and happily and graciously does everything he wants to do. I may be his girlfriend, but I almost feel like nothing but a roommate. I know if I told him that it would break his heart because I do know he gives a lot to me and the boys and the fact that he is even in a relationship after the hell he went through with his last. I really hate to break it off, but I am sooooo fricking tired of the rejection. He acts jealous about other men, yet he can't even appreciate that he has a woman who would do it 24/7.

 

His mom emailed me today and told me how she loves me and that I am the best thing that ever happened to him. How she wants me and the boys in their lives forever. Then she comments how much she knows how much he cares about me. This just sucks.

[Dako]

I'm astounded by your problems with this guy.

From the image I have of you through this forum, it's just inconceivable that he would neglect you this way. You're attractive, smart and funny.

 

What I don't understand is how he can be there for you outside the bedroom but have a problem with intimacy. As a guy, it puzzles me how he can be your partner in other things but not in the sack unless he has a medical problem with his dangle or his view of sex.

 

I get the impression you're unsure of where this is going. I'm really sorry you're hurting. You deserve better than this.

[Relationship Coach]

WC,

 

I'm really sorry and your frustration nearly melted my monitor! His behavior is inexcusable and his way of trapping you in to a position as being a "silent witness" to his actions is very devious. Weighing out your options I think you should take a really hot picture of yourself in those boots and place an ad on adultfriendfinder and see how he likes it! You're not snooping but you are sending a strong message. Make sure you put in your ad how sexually unsatisfied you are! He has double standards and it's time to let him see them. I wish you the best, you are such a good person, you don't deserve this treatment.

[NJRon]

I was in a somewhat similar situation a very long time ago with someone. She was speaking to various people that made me uncomfortable and I started spying on her. It eventually ended up in some horrible mind game where she started making up conversations with people (about love and affairs, etc) so I would find out about them. I couldn't get enough. It was like watching a train wreck. I learned never to do that again.

 

But, as far as the baiting, that's a form of control. He is exercising control over you by baiting you and then also controlling when you guys have sex. You need to regain the control over yourself. I found that getting counselling for myself helped me tremendously to see things as they really were and break out of the mind**** that I was being put through. Until I did that, it really felt like I was in a no-win situation ... stuck in an abusive cycle.

 

The fact that you feel you need to spy on him is a bad sign. The fact that he is controlling you is a bad sign.

[WildChild]

Thanks for your kind words Dako. I would like to think I have the attributes you speak of. I am puzzled with all of this myself. I have posted about this situation before and I feel like I'm a broken record but I really am uncertain of what to do. My mind says leave, but my heart and soul say stay. I don't know if it is that he just doesn't take me seriously or what. Unfortunately when he does finally have the desire, I never turn him down because it has been so long. At times I am uncertain where this is going because he has gone back and forth on things i.e. buying land, marriage etc.... I do know though that if he didn't want to be in this relationship, he wouldn't be. That is just who he is and there would be no convincing him different.

 

When we first met he told me that at a young age of 12, his female babysitter made him fondle her and vice versa Shortly after that he began having sex. Of course I was and still am mortified for him that she did that to him and he always laughs it off (except orginally when he told me) as every boys dream to have an older girl wanting them. He has as I would call it been a gigolo through most of his life with the many (and I mean many)women on his track record. In the beginning of his last serious relationship, he cheated on her a few times while working out of town because he didn't take his relationship with her serious. They ended up being together for almost 14 years. After that, and before we finally made a serious committment this second time around, he was with quite a few women. I have commented to him that I don't think he respects women and he has agreed with me that deep down he probably doesn't like he should. I believe this does stem from his experience from his childhood and have told him so and he has agreed with me. He is not the type of man that would ever seek counseling for it, he is too much of a "manly man." What I have a hard time with when I put my thoughts together is that he can have mindless sex with all of these other women (and me too the first time we dated) but yet now that he is in a relationship with someone who loves him for who he is and cares about him unconditionally and nonjudgmentaly, he can't find intimacy with me. I have wondered many times myself if he has a physical problem (although I know he is at serious risk with diabetes and high blood pressure). I am not certain, but because he is such a "manly man", could having a physical problem be too embarrassing or could he be too proud to admit it? I don't dare bring it up because I would never get a straight answer from him anyway, but like I said, I am about at my wits end with this. I am suffering, and in return it is only going to hinder our relationship.

[Mun]

So his mom thinks she would want you around forever. Great! Too bad because your bf is treating you like HE thinks he would never lose you. Your man doesn't know how lucky he is...His woman WANTS more sex, who wouldn't want to hear that ?

 

That comment about the food was abusive to say the least.You said everything else is fine in your relationship, just the problem with lying about porn. So you feel "loved" correct?

 

Do you suspect he's cheating or capable of it?

 

I too am shocked that you're in this situation. You're a lady with looks, brains and heart.

 

I was going to ask if this is your husband but saw the comment that you're his girlfriend. Well girlfriend, you can do way better and I think you know that.

[WildChild]

The fact that you feel you need to spy on him is a bad sign. The fact that he is controlling you is a bad sign.

 

I should clarify on this. I have not "spied" on him. The history drop down is there as plain as day when you log on so unless you're blind anyone would notice this. Of course, once I saw that, yes I would run the curser over it to see why and what the hell he was up to at AdultFriendFinder. As for the site in his favorites, we both use it to save our favorites. I never thought anything of it until it showed in the history that it is a porn site. I won't lie . Yes, after I see this stuff, I do go into the temporary file folders. I learned that on Christmas night, he was out at his favorite interactive site while I slept after giving me a beautiful diamond necklace with matching earrings. After drawing me a candle lit bubble bath with champagne. curiosity may kill the cat, but this cat ain't stupid. I would rather be killed knowing, than be killed being oblivious and blind. I do appreciate your insight, but I did want the clarification known that I am not out there looking for trouble.

[Mun]

Ohh I just read your last post as I posted mine.

 

I think you may know what to do, you just don't want to do it for some reason.

 

You're a smart lady, when you've had enough you will change things. I'm sure of it.

 

In the meantime remember you are not responsible for whatever was done to him as a child. Nor are you responsible for his issues now. If he needs help you can show him where to get it, but he must be willing to deal with his own things. You can only carry him so far WC.

 

Hugs

[WildChild]

WC,

 

I'm really sorry and your frustration nearly melted my monitor! His behavior is inexcusable and his way of trapping you in to a position as being a "silent witness" to his actions is very devious. Weighing out your options I think you should take a really hot picture of yourself in those boots and place an ad on adultfriendfinder and see how he likes it! You're not snooping but you are sending a strong message. Make sure you put in your ad how sexually unsatisfied you are! He has double standards and it's time to let him see them. I wish you the best, you are such a good person, you don't deserve this treatment.

 

You know RC, I am at that point. I don't know whether to laugh or cry typing that. I feel like saying what is good for the goose is good for the gander but I am so afraid of the outcome. I feel like going to some of these sites and leaving 'em there for him to see. For him to feel the knot in his stomach knowing that while he is gone that I am out at these sites. I don't want to become vindictive but I am at the end of the line and pushed too far I have done things out of spite only to turn around and regret it and feeling shameful. So I am rreeaalllyy trying to keep myself from doing that. I just hope I can keep reminding myself that I better be prepared for what would happen if I did.

[NJRon]

WC,

 

Thanks for the calrification. I'm glad you aren't falling into the spying trap, because it just ends up hurting you.

 

All I'm really hearing here though is that he is doing things and treating you in a way that you find unacceptable. When you communicate this to him, he doesn't seem to care. Since you don't do anything about it, he doesn't need to do anything about it.

 

It's going to continue, and possibly get worse until one of you two change. Who do you feel wants the situation to change most?

 

I know it's tough... but as Mun said, i have every confidence that when you reach your brekaing point, you'll do the right thing (and not by stooping to his level either... fire with fire is a dangerous thing).

 

Best wishes!

[WildChild]

So his mom thinks she would want you around forever. Great! Too bad because your bf is treating you like HE thinks he would never lose you. Your man doesn't know how lucky he is...His woman WANTS more sex, who wouldn't want to hear that ?

 

That comment about the food was abusive to say the least.You said everything else is fine in your relationship, just the problem with lying about porn. So you feel "loved" correct?

 

Do you suspect he's cheating or capable of it?

 

I too am shocked that you're in this situation. You're a lady with looks, brains and heart.

 

I was going to ask if this is your husband but saw the comment that you're his girlfriend. Well girlfriend, you can do way better and I think you know that.

 

LOL I never thought that as a woman I would ever have to worry about not having sex in a relationship. And I do feel like he takes it for granted that I will always be around because I have always forgiven him for things. Many times I do feel loved, even though he has never said it but many times I feel he cares for me deeply but not actually in love with me. Too be honest, this is how I see it: I feel I am everything he wants and desires in a relationship. I am a good girl, I am drug-free unlike his ex, I have confidence and am pretty smart. I haven't gotten into trouble, work hard, and keep a clean house. I have two terrific boys who he adores and fulfills his decision 4 years ago of not having children. But, I don't think he is attracted to me physically. I know he thinks I am pretty, but I don't think my body image is his desire. I am not needle thin. I am slender and could use some area toning, but not a rail. Although he does make comments here and there, he would never come out and say the words that he does not find me phyically attractive. He knows it would hurt me to hear that, even though I know it. As for cheating, I know he is capable of it. I can't think of any type of relationship he has been in whether long term or not that he has not slept with other women. He has told me over and over he would never do that to me, and I would hope he would have the decency to end it with me given my husband cheated. He told me that he would tell me first. Now I try to envision should he go to the bars (which he doesn't do anymore unless with me) that if some hot chick came up to him and proposition him that he would say hold on, put his drink down, drop a dime to call me and say "Honey, I won't be home for a while cuz I have this girl who wants to have sex with me." Possible, but doubtful.

[RayKay]

I wanted to post earlier when I first read this but had to run to a meeting...others have of course given you tons of great stuff, so all I have to really add is my support....and some encouragement that there is NO way a woman as smart, beautiful, and with tons of great advice for others, and wit, with beautiful children, should be putting up with this crap from any man.

 

He may give you diamonds, he may buy outfits and give you flattering compliments.....but none of that makes up for the negativity. The hurtful comments about your food intake, about him calling other women, about being blatant about his goings on....while I personally don't have an issue with porn in itself, I DO have an issue if it compromises the relationship and is interfering with intimacy. It would be one thing if you discussed it together, he looked at it, but also was sleeping with YOU at nights. Him not coming to bed to chat up other women or browse on AFF is NOT showing to me equal effort and care into this relationship of yours.

 

And his history IS bad. He says he won't cheat on you...but do you think he honestly told his other girlfriends "Hey, just so you know, I am going to cheat on you...yay!". Uh huh. And wow, he'll TELL you first? What is THAT? Seriously, if a guy EVER said to me "don't worry, I will tell you first"..it's OVER....it should be more like "if we are having problems, I will talk to you rather then go sleep with someone else". That is crap, I am sorry WildChild, but there is NO WAY you should be putting up with that. No way.

 

Manly Man or not, nothing will change until he DOES see a problem, and DOES accept help, and DOES work towards fixing it and changing things. And he is NOT demonstrating that. At all. He is brushing it off. And that is to me saying "I don't care enough about this relationship to work on this issue with you even though I know it is hurting you".

 

WildChild...you deserve so much better honey. Don't underestimate yourself like this.

[WildChild]

All I'm really hearing here though is that he is doing things and treating you in a way that you find unacceptable. When you communicate this to him, he doesn't seem to care. Since you don't do anything about it, he doesn't need to do anything about it. It's going to continue, and possibly get worse until one of you two change. Who do you feel wants the situation to change most?quote]

 

NJRon, you are right as well. He doesn't care. He doesn't have to do anything about it because he knows I always forgive him. Even when I left for 5 days and didn't talk to him, we eventually made up and apologized. And yes, it is me that wants the situation to change, not him. He has everything he wants except a woman who won't express herself and feelings. I know I can't go on like this, I am miserable when it comes to this aspect of our relationship. I mean miserable. My dad always said you're with someone for who they are and not for who you want them to be. And he is everything I want, but not when it comes to this issue. It's so hard to walk away when things are 90% perfect....so close to perfection. But that 10% of imperfection is enough to ruin it all for me. I just wish he would wake up and realize how close I am to calling it quits and over what? Sex! Unbelievable to me, a man who doesn't want sex but every blue moon. Uctually unconceivable to me. You and Mun are right about when it's time, it's time. My mom always says "You'll know you've had enough when the tears stop coming." Well, unfortunately the tears stopped months ago and I just have to work up the courage to stand up for myself and mean it. Even if it means losing the man I feel is my soulmate.

[RayKay]

"You'll know you've had enough when the tears stop coming."

 

Oh, I love that. I always say you know you had enough when you feel you have nothing left to give - I call it my emotional exhaustion breaking point!

 

And that is what it is like...you just stop crying, and you start making plans and you decide enough is enough and you move on. You put yourself first again, because you realize you have to give back to yourself. You really can't give anymore, without ever receiving in return. You're basically a bank account that's already gone into overdraft limits....without any deposits, you have to start repaying yourself, by moving on.

[Relationship Coach]

WC,

I feel so bad for you. You don't deserve this and as far as I am concerned there is no trade off here. Yes, he is good to the boys and that is special but he doesn't earn brownie points to conduct himself as he sees fit. Let him (the manly man) walk in your shoes (spiked high heels) and see how it feels. You are doing this to get his attention and allow him the pleasure of that intestinal bomb, not get offers for sex from strangers. He needs to see that what he so desires is right in front of him, in the flesh and real. Maybe he will get mad, maybe he will get the point but either way he needs to see the hypocrisy of his ways. I actually told someone earlier this week to try this, I think you are running out of choices. He has backed you in to a corner where you are damned if you do or damned if you don't. He is selfish in seeing to it that his needs are taken care of and yours are an after thought.

 

You are very attractive, smart and funny, there are many men who would love to have a chance with you. The frequency of your sex is on the same schedule as changing my air filters in my house, you're do again in mid February by the way. Look, you were married at one point in your life and that didn't work out, looking back after all you went through then, have you asked yourself why you tolerated being so unhappy for so long? Don't make the same mistake again, it's your turn to be happy don't accept a trade off here. You deserve to have everything you want, need and desire, anything less would just be settling for what you've already had.

[WildChild]

I believe when he told me he would tell me first, it was in the context that he would end it with me and break it off prior to him being with someone else. My analogy was as an example if he met someone at the bar who tripped his trigger. Not too many people if tempted to take the step would have that decency. He told me he wouldn't be looking and it would never be a problem. Maybe that's what makes it safe for him by watching porn, having the thrill of some woman turning him on without the physical act of actually cheating.

 

This morning after he left and I'm pretty sure he knew I was hurt but still was his jolly way, I tried figuring out how I am going to move back home. I really do hate doing anything right now because of his grandma, I want to be there for support and I know he wants me there for support as he has told me. The kicker here is that even though I have my own place, it is in no way ready for me to move back there, at least not yet. During my divorce, I rented a storage unit because of limited space at my house. I had it for 3 years up until a few months ago when he suggested I get rid of it and bring my things out here. Well, do to time limits and truck space, some of the stuff came out here to the garage but a lot of it went to my house just so I was out of storage to avoid charges. So now my house which has sat empty forever in a day and needs a desperate cleaning from sitting empty is filled with boxes of stuff I have no space for. And I have all the things in his garage. I really believe this offer to have my things here was an attempt to prevent me from moving out easily. I have packed my bags before and he knows it wouldn't be as easy if I had a ton of things out here. So it isn't something I can do overnight until I can figure out where the heck all this crap is going to go. I have the day off and I was actually excited about doing it today, and then I remembered there is no possible way I could move the boys in there right now. Not to mention he has his dog here and I can't just leave her without anyone to take care of her I know it sounds like excuses, but if I leave I want it to be completely, and me not having to come back here to get things. I want a clean break.

 

I know his mom will ask tonight when she calls how things are going because she so desperately wants us together. I know he is going to call and will act like everything is fine. I would like to broach the subject and let him know I'm depressed but don't want to talk about it out of respect for his what he is going through with his grandma. But I would like to mention it just so he has the week to himself to think about things and what he wants to come of all of this. Give him time to soul search and realize if this is something he is capable of contributing to wholeheartedly.

[WildChild]

RC you crack me up and like your furnace, my furnace could use a fine tuning LOL God why is this so hard?!!! I know I am settling, even if it is about sex. I always said I would never settle again and in the beginning I didn't think it was settling because it wasn't. Our sex life was decent enough for no complaints and he never neglected my needs. Then he goes into the mode where he wasn't interested which I believe out of depression from not working, then our sex life is back to good and now since he started in again on the porn it has diminished to mere nothingness. I know it is disrespectful, I know it is being careless to my needs, I know that I deserve him to want me physically but what is it that I can't break away from even though I am ready to??????

[Relationship Coach]

WC,

 

I would suspect you are right, moving your stuff there was an anchor to keep your boat in the port. Spend some time at your house cleaning it and getting it ready for whatever. You could be getting it cleaned up so you can rent it out for all he has to know. Just get it done so when you are 100% positive that you need to make the move, it's ready for you and the boys. We are always here for you.

[WildChild]

Thank you RC, none of you can really know how your kind words, thoughtfulness and advice help me make it through these kind of days. I was actually thinking that myself about getting it ready for the big day. I work not too far from the house so I think I may start going there on my lunch hours to get it organized.

 

I'm really sad and scared right now. Sad because I hate to even think about giving up on this because it does seem so easy to fix, but without his participation it never will be fixed. I'm scared because I don't know when to approach it let alone how to approach it. I don't know if I should say something when he calls or wait until he gets back on Thurs, or wait until after when unfortunately his grandma passes. I don't want to be disrespectful of his situation right now, no one would like it or at least I wouldn't. I think I am scared that if I do move out, I will miss him enough and not stick to my guns like I know I need to. Or had I been more patient it would have panned out and I just shot myself in the foot.

 

I guess I would like some advice (as if you guys haven't given me enough LOL) on what would be a good way to approach this and what to say. I don't want to give ultimatums though. I really have been through too much to have to deal with this kind of neglect. Too many years my husband neglected me because he didn't take the relationship serious enough. I can't live like that again. I have to keep reminding myself not to make a wishbone where my backbone should be.

[RayKay]

WildChild, you honestly sound really strong, you know it won't be easy, but it is so nice to see that you really have a lot of clarity on the situation...trust me, you will be able to do it. Of course you will have bad days, of course there will be days you wonder "well, was it really THAT bad?" but.. come back here and read all your posts when you do and remind yourself of how even if 90% of it was good, that 10% made you feel this way. 90% is not good enough, and you know that in your heart.

 

There is never a good time to do it, honestly. If it was not his grandma, it would be work, or something...you know? I am not sure how much time she has, in some ways it may be better to end it BEFORE that happens honestly, otherwise you will have even more guilt. I think you just need to be truthful and honest with him, let him know how his actions have made you feel, how you feel you just are incompatible when it comes to this and you tried...but can't do it alone. And it's time for you to leave as you need, and DESERVE, more out a relationship.

 

BIG hugs.....you can do it.

[NJRon]

I'm going to throw something out, and know I'm just taking a stab. But, it sounds like he may be using porn as a coping mechanism. That he is avoiding issues through porn and needs to get some help for them. The only way he is going to be able to do that is to get help for himself, and you being there to enable him is just allowing him to get away with it.

 

I would be pretty up front and let him know that you have your own place and that it is obvious that he needs some space right now. So you're giving him space to work things out. It's not like you are necessarily breaking things off with him, you just need your space too in order to work through your own issues.

 

It sounds like you wouldn't be living too far away if you moved back into your old place. It's actually a rather nice situation, that you have the opportunity to get some space without a lot of fuss while still being able to keep the door open, if that's what you want to do. Maybe the breathing room will help him realize that he needs to be focusing on what is important and not avoiding it.

 

Regardless, I think it will be good for you to clear your head a bit. It's hard to think clearly when you are in the thick of it, so to speak.

[Relationship Coach]

WC,

 

Perhaps you could approach it along these lines which neither come accross as an ultimatum or demanding. Tell him: you are moving out because you can no longer except being in a relationship that leaves you empty and longing for more. When he is willing to understand and meet your needs and respect your feelings, a relationship with you may be possible.

 

I wish you the best WC.

 

RC

[Dako]

Where do you get such great mojo, RC?

 

Great advice for this nice lady!

[WildChild]

God I am such a chicken! He called last night shortly after I logged off here for the evening. I was going to mention something about being hurt from the night before as an icebreaker and of course as soon as he started with his jolly, happy self I couldn't do it. It's as though I feel guilty for even suggesting ending this with him! Aaaahh!!! Maybe that is what makes it so difficult is because the rest of our relationship is what I would call good and it's this that is holding it up, something that would be so easy to fix! But obviously it's not that simple or it would be fixed already.

 

I am happy I have my house to go back to. I had almost rented it out this past summer/fall and I'm glad I didn't. And I have really done a lot of thinking about it more and I have decided unless he comes clean with what the problem is whether it is me or him, it won't change. I don't care how bad the truth hurts. I think NJ may be right about using it to cope. What I don't understand is even when I tell him I don't care if he looks at it just don't let it effect us, he lies. Why lie? Can someone tell me when you have someones "approval" why they would still lie about it and go as far as to tell them that porn is stupid. Anyway, I am glad he is gone because I hope that by the time I do see him I will have had plenty of alone time to work on getting the guts to finally lay it all on the table.

[Dako]

I'd guess he lies because deep inside, he feels conflicted about staying up late with cyberbabes while you get neglected. Maybe he's also lying to himself.

 

Just my guess.