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she's a com-phobe, or am i just getting messed with?

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Hi, I need some advice on this girl I've been seeing for 2 months...


So, basically we started going out right at the end of finals, right before xmas break. I'd known her for about 4 months through classes and stuff, and so we just ended up kinda hooking up during a study break, she was pretty aggressive and flirty for the mont prior. Mostly, just alot of talking and making out for a week. So she calls me every day during the break, and in one of the early convos I asked her where we were at, in the beginnings of a relationship or what. She does the whole spiel about being a commitment phobe and being screwed up and whatever, being hurt b4, and wanting to take it slow. Then she keeps calling me every day, up until we get back to school. So we meet up a few times, and every time she's with me she's really clingy. But, its a serious effort setting up when to hangout, and I have to do most of the work. So, I'm like, I'm probably getting messed with, and stop trying. And then a few days later she calls me and says she wants to hang out, so we hang out... and it just kinda recycles over and over again, which is really irritating...


whats up? I don't have too much experience with relationships, so its kinda messin' with me, and i'm pretty confused.

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In my experiences, trust me here, you should NEVER ask the other person where you're both at in the relationship. A relationship is not something to be judged, analyzed, or scrutinized. To do so just puts pressure on the relationship. In fact, I'd venture to say that she doesn't have a whole lot of trust in your commitment to this thing (sorry), and after you asked her that you probably made her wonder (or only reinforced such thinking) when you'd ask her that again or if you're creating some sort of timeline to decide whether you really want to be around her or not. It does sound like she enjoys being with you, or she wouldn't be hanging around you so much. Unless, of course, you're a stud who has a lot of 'guy friends' and she's hoping to hook up with one of them. I'd lay off the scrutinizing of the relationship, and since she did tell you that she's been hurt in the past, wants to take it slow, she DOES think a lot of you. Just worry about yourself, be the same ol' cool guy you've been, keep check of her feelings (every girl loves flowers when feeling down), and you'll both be just fine.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Here's the perspective from the girl's point of view:


I, like this young lady, am the same way. COMPLETE commitmentphobe after years of horrendous relationships. I totally understand her point of view. I would say one thing to do is keep yourself busy with your own friends, schedule, etc. Don't make her a priority right now, let things go the way they are (aka don't push it) and just hang out when she wants to. Make her come to you, not the other way around.


It sounds like she really does like you, because she calls you every day.. clinginess kind of concerns me, but hey whatever

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