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I have a pretty basic question....


When you start dating someone new, it is pretty EASY to see all the

GREAT qualities...and minimize the bad ones.


What would you consider " crazy" or "psychotic' qualities?

Are these things that tend to show up right away or after a few months?


I am asking because I seem to have a hard time defining these things early

on. Usually it's AFTER I am too invested in the relationship, and have a hard time seeing past them.



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well it depends on the person, some people are more inclined to show their more negative traits more quickly, others wait for quite a while before they start to show through. honestly, i'd say if your just starting out and nothing serious as far as problems concerning your partner pops out at you, then just take things at face value. deal with problems as they come, but expecting them to come is like setting yourself up for failure

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I've found that there are usually red flags very early on indicating any crazyiness. But it's so easy to ignore them, like you said, because there is so much early-relationship excitement going on (a.k.a. the honeymoon phase).


Personally, I've found that objectifying the relationship helps me to spot these flags early. For instance, if I'm seeing red flags, I'll take a step back and ask myself what advice I'd give someone if they were in my situation. Answer honestly, and that will more than likely help you make healthy decisions.


Also, posting your questions on eNotAlone is always a good way to get objective advice!

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Hmmmm.....thanks for the replies.


I know it's hard to pinpoint negative traits..but say for instance, I might not realize my "date" seems to need to drink everyday..for whatever reason. Rather than thinking he MIGHT have a drinking problem, I might assume he has a stressful job ..etc....... I mean this is just ONE example, but the truth is , everything starts out small...and then escalates, no? I guess I am just looking for earlier warning signs....that might save me a lot of time and useless energy.

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The trick is to give a potential long term relationship enough time for these traits to emerge before you get too emotionally invested. As someone relaxes with you as time goes on, they let their guard down and the the fact they are an axe murderer in waiting becomes more obvious.

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The woman that was married to the BTK killer never knew!!!! They were married for over 20 years!!! Some people just hide their psychotic behavior really well.


I think that the good thing about this site is that writing things down, in black and white, can really make their behavior clear.


Does he call when he says he's going to? Does he show up on time? Is he respectful towards you? Maybe keep a journal of how he makes you feel and after every date, write down your thoughts and feelings. This way, it will be harder for you to "block out" any red flags....

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One thing that seems like a good indicator is how they interact with their friends. If they hang out with folks that creep you out, be careful!

I always consider people's behavior with others a good indicator. When someone even strangers well without expectation of return, it's a good sign.

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