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I can't get it up!!!! Crap!

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Well I guess that I'll just give you my whole story....I'm still a virgin and I've got this great girlfriend but she isn't a virgin anymore. A couple of nights ago, we had things going on in my car and no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't get it up. This is really weird because when we are making out I can get a hardon pretty easily, but when we are getting ready to have sex I just can't get it hard enough....I'm sure there were a couple of factors involved like I was completely exausted that night, not to mention the back seat of my car isn't all that comfortable


I really need advise on how to work on this definite problem, I love my girlfriend alot and I want to show her exactly how much....


Please Help!

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Don't underestimate the importance of things like stress, discomfort, apprehension, and sleep-deprivation on sexual function. I have had experiences much like the one you described. My advice is to find a place and a time where you are both very comfortable and have no other committments or distractions. You can try and if it doesn't happen you can watch TV for a while or do something else and then try it again.

By the way, if you really want to "show her how much [you] love her" you should probably just buy her something expensive. Not to be cynical, but having sex with a girl doesn't necessarily show how much you love them. Surely you're not just doing this for *her* benefit.

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Ok.. I can't relate to getting it up 'cause I'm a woman, but we have the simular problem in not being able to get.."wet" enough at times.


The Mind is willing, but the body is not responding

Sometimes its due to sleep-deprivation, depression, worries.. etc.

For us we're a bit luckier and can uses a lube to help things along. So, I sympathize with your concerns.


Since its your first time. You may be having performance anxiety. Worried that you will meet her expectations and measure up to her previous experiences.


Does she know that you are a virgin???


Give yourself a break... don't stress over it or you'll do yourself more harm than good. Doing it for the first time in the back of a cramped car doesn't help either. Your first experience should be in a more.. ummm comfortable memorable location.


Relax... love each other in other ways. Loving each other doesn't always have to included intercourse. You have your lips, your mouth, your tongue, your hands... and your words to be able to love her.


BTW... please please make sure you do use Contraception and are prepared.

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Sounds like you just need the right mood. Being a virgin, it could just be performance anxiety. It happens sometimes for various reasons. Believe me, you'll have plenty of better experiences, and may get comfortable with doing it on tables, motorbikes, horses and in trees.

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Originally Posted by Dako

Believe me, you'll have plenty of better experiences, and may get comfortable with doing it on tables, motorbikes, horses and in trees.


Horses? Dako, surely you're kidding here...


I don't think he means all at the same time.

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I've been trying to figure out how one would go about sex on a horse...I'm assuming the animal would be moving...I really can't picture this. I can't see how the motorbike would work either, without crashing anyway.


At any rate, I've been seeing a lot of posts about sex/sex for the first time/how to have sex/what's wrong with my sex etc. and OMG kids having sex at 13, and I'm wondering just what is wrong that these kids don't have an adult in their life that they can ask these questions of??? I mean,what it really comes down to is responsibility for your kids, their education and their safety, right? I'm just having a hard time digesting some of it I guess.


Then Dako goes and throws in horses. sheesh.

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ummmm.. (cough)...yep.. it does work on horseback.


Sex at age 13... would you be in shock if you knew they were having sex younger? Yes.... I know. Shocking. I don't think I fully understood what it was at age 13. And when I first learned about it.. NO WAY!! my mother would have killed me. YIKES.


I don't think its anything new... its just more prevalent.. more open. Just like anything else. There is just more of it. But then again.. the media these days is so much different and children are not given enough attention, nor the right coaching to deal with the bombardment of information.


With the divorce rate at more than 50% and adults confused as to WHAT LOVE IS... and HOW TO LOVE. Is it any wonder that children are in search of it also?


And yes...its also possible on MOTORCYCLES... the horse can be moving it guides itself. The bike of course.. standing still.

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Sure, it's a drag to think youngsters are having sex at a younger age, but look at the advice they get here; safe sex, emotional responsibility and not to rush into things from peer pressure. As far as why they want sex earlier... look at the popular culture our older generations spawned for their indoctrination. To expect kids to ignore our preoccupation with sex is hypocritical. Kids notice the sleazy novels, Hollywood films with sex scenes and TV shows parents folks watch, even as they talk about abstinence, morality and even religion. Kids aren't stupid.


Older motorcycles, for example a red 1969 Triumph Bonneville 650, had a bit of interesting vibration while idling.

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Yeah, I know...I know...I know...I'm not surprised by it, I work in a field that sees it all, everyday, but it just freaked me for a moment there I guess. I definitely am glad there are forums such as this to guide us all toward informed, safe experiences. I just see so much of the result of sex too young and it breaks my heart sometimes...keep up the good work people!

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  • 2 years later...
I just couldn't get it up. This is really weird because when we are making out I can get a hardon pretty easily


It definitely sounds like performance anxiety, which is nothing to worry about. Just relax, don't think about it too much.


Perhaps it's the part when you two are getting ready to have sex that makes you nervous, because you know sex is supposed to follow and it puts pressure on you to be able to perform.


Maybe you can try and initiate sex out of the blue when you're kissing and you have a hard-on.


Remember the less you worry and the more it'll work.

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