Please read this. It might take some of your time but please..

[HurtDude]

I just sent my ex of 8 days this letter. We had a very intense relationship where we honestly felt like we loved each other. i am 19 and she is 18 Someone please read it and tell me as to how she may react. The relationship ended with me leaving her in a hurtful way because she cheated on me and then regretted it.

HERE IT GOES

EDIT

[DN]

Wow - she would have to have a heart of stone not to react emotionally to that.

[pos69sum]

...although she sounds like she's not worth all this heartache.

[HurtDude]

Yes the relationship was long distance.

 

She called me after she read the letter. She told me she had feelings for me but doesn't know about the intensity. She also doesn't know whether its love she feels but she says for sure that she does not want a boyfriend right now because she needs to focus on her life and she wants to have fun in college and not have to worry about maintaining a relationship.

 

Is this all bull? Our convo on the phone got cut off because she lost service, i called back but she didnt pick up and hasnt called me back since.

 

What should i do from here on out assuming I'd like o have her back in my life.

[Hope75]

I don't think there's anything more that you can do. You spilled your heart out and told her exactly how you feel, and you left the ball in her court.

 

What happens next is up to her.

[crossflow]

Yes the relationship was long distance.

 

She called me after she read the letter. She told me she had feelings for me but doesn't know about the intensity. She also doesn't know whether its love she feels but she says for sure that she does not want a boyfriend right now because she needs to focus on her life and she wants to have fun in college and not have to worry about maintaining a relationship.

 

Is this all bull? Our convo on the phone got cut off because she lost service, i called back but she didnt pick up and hasnt called me back since.

 

What should i do from here on out assuming I'd like o have her back in my life.

 

 

Back off completely and let her make the next move. She is sending you pretty clear signals that she just wants to move on and you need to respect that, if she has a change of heart she will make contact

[HurtDude]

Well.

 

We had a long talk yesterday and she told me that she believes very much so that she and i will be back together in the future.

 

She told me that we should remain friends and see where that develops.

 

Later in the conversation (by this time she had alot to drink and was clearly tispy) she asked "What if you love someone but you dont want to be with them?" i didnt know how to answer.

 

I feel like if you love someone you'd want to be with them. because eventually the person waiting might lose interest.

 

 

Anyways today we had a minor fight and she said in a text message "u know what leave me alone until your anger goes down and then we'll talk"

 

she hasnt answered my phone calls or texts since then.

 

And i dont know what to do..is there any hope with this girl? I love her so very much, but if i choose to walk away i know there is no turning back.

 

Should i just do no contact until she calls me? or hould i call her in a few days?

[friscodj]

Yes the relationship was long distance.

 

She called me after she read the letter. She told me she had feelings for me but doesn't know about the intensity. She also doesn't know whether its love she feels but she says for sure that she does not want a boyfriend right now because she needs to focus on her life and she wants to have fun in college and not have to worry about maintaining a relationship.

 

Is this all bull? Our convo on the phone got cut off because she lost service, i called back but she didnt pick up and hasnt called me back since.

 

What should i do from here on out assuming I'd like o have her back in my life.

 

HurtDude-

 

Man, that was a great letter. Seriously, it was really good; honest, detailed, memorable. I especially love the line, "I forgave you before you even made a mistake". That's poetic man! I'm going to use that one!

 

And after reading that outpouring she still doesn't know or isn't sure? After she cheated on you? And no callback to finish the conversation? I have only three words for you: LET HER GO

 

Do it, I'm serious. I've been in too many similar situations to even hesitate to tell you otherwise.

 

And it probably isn't you, it is probably her and where she is at in her life. She wants to get out, have fun, experience college, explore. You need to let her do that on her own, as hard as it may be. And I guarantee you'll meet other women in your life who'd kill to have a man who writes them stuff like that.

 

Please listen to me and let this girl go dude. I see this situation as clear as day and I know exactly how you feel. Do yourself justice and don't let her keep you around as her safety net.

[DN]

Never let someone put you on hold indefinitely while they decide if they want to be with you or not. I agree - let her go.

[HurtDude]

Its so hard to let go of her. I love her so much.

 

But I guess I must try.

[DN]

It is hard to let go of someone you love. Try to keep in mind that the longer you hold on to a relationship that is not working the longer it will take to find one that will work. Hard though it is for you right now, you need to start to heal and you can only do that by accepting the reality that this relationship is over.

 

Keep this quote in mind:

"If you're going through hell, keep going."

Winston Churchill

[friscodj]

Its so hard to let go of her. I love her so much.

 

But I guess I must try.

 

To say what you are going through is tough is an understatement I know. I firmly believe that if there is a hell, it would comprise someone madly in love with someone who isn't in love with them back.

 

Now, as far as moving on, dude, this girl cheated on you and isn't returning your phone calls! As much as you love her, take a step back and look at what that means and what it says about her, even if it was a "mistake".

 

First things first, you need to stop defending and making excuses for her actions and look at the situation for what it is: she did you wrong in a big way and continues to toy with you. Everytime you catch yourself missing something great about her, be fair and think of something that you couldn't stand or isn't so nice about her. Pretty soon the truth will start sinking in past the hurt and missing her and you'll find yourself getting better. It'll take time though, time and effort to stay away from her until you're over her.

[HurtDude]

Yesterday I called her because she was ignoring me. I left a message that said" Listen if you dont want anything to do with me and want me to just move on, I can do that. If I don't hear from you by tonight then I'l know your answer and I won't bother you anymore."

 

She called later in the night and we talked about regular stuff. We laughed and such, but normally our conversations lasted longer and at the end of it was usualy a 10 minute section where we told each other how much we loved each other.

 

anyways so we just talked for 20 minutes then she said she had to go. I said ok and then asked her when she was going to call again..she replied with "I don't know." I said "what no seriously when am i going to hear from you again, are ou going to call me?" and she said "I don't know when, but I'll call you. I know that I'm calling you, I just don't know when".

 

Now what...and how should i read into this....

[friscodj]

My advice is that you need to take charge of the situation here. Don't let your hopes and subsequent happiness rest on the shoulders of this woman! Start calling the shots for yourself. You tell her how it's going to be.

 

Trust me, once you take charge of this situation and say "It's done, goodbye", healing will start happening sooner.

 

It's taken me 15 years to figure that one out, as I've always been the one to "leave the door open" and say things like "if you need anything, just call me" or "I'll always be here for you". You'll end up being her (to quote someone else on this forum) "emotional tampon". Just think of that image next time this situation has you down and out!

 

The sooner you start moving on, the sooner you'll meet a woman who'll love you and treat you right. So get to it!

[HurtDude]

I have a question.

 

 

I've decided to move on. As such I've decided to ignore her calls, and I know she'll be calling because i kind of asker her to a few days ago. Point is....

 

I won't lie to you and say that I am NOT keeping the possibility of this relationship continuing in the future.

 

So my question is...if i DO ignore her....do you think that would upset her enough to MOVE ON herself? I have a feeling that if I ignore her, then I'll be single handedly ending a possibility of getting back together months from now.

 

So maybe i shiould just do no contact unless SHE calls...then ill answer but only talk briefly and act busy? (which i usually am)

 

What do you guys think?

[melrich]

Hi HurtDude,

 

That was a nice letter you wrote and I agree with the others, I am sure she would have been moved by that.

 

I have to say though, reading through the rest of this post, you really need now to try and forget about a relationship with this girl. It's only my opinion, but I just don't see you 2 guys getting back together, reading between the lines her feelings for you seem to have cooled a lot and I think there are some pretty clear signals there that this is not going to happen.

 

I'd move on. If by chance she decides down the track that she may want to see you again, that's great. But right now I don't believe there's anything you can say or do to turn this around.

[HurtDude]

thanks melrich.

 

anyone else willing to take a stab at this?

[HurtDude]

someone?

help?

[DN]

I can only say that I agree with melrich. I suspect the reason no one else has posted is because they do as well.

[HurtDude]

Yeah I guess so.

 

Well no contact is getting easier and easier since i know its up to her to call not me. If she doesnt want to, tough luck im moving on without a friendship.

 

 

im going out to the club tonight, i hope i come back with some numbers..however i tell you this much its gonna be a while or maybe never for a guy like me to pick up a chick as hott as she was.