Is it so bad?

[Teapot]

Me and my boyfriend have split up now, we haven't been together for around 2 months. It was around the time we split up that I found out he had sort of cheated on me when we had first got together a year ago. He says he did it to get back at me for something I had done. I'll tell you the details.

 

We went to a party around a year ago and I got really drunk and started crying for no reason, I then started talking about my ex boyfriend saying I missed him. I didn't though, I was so happy with my new boyfriend, more happy than I'd ever been. I think I was just annoyed at my ex for getting with a girl. I don't know, maybe I was a bit jealous. I really don't know. My boyfriend got really angry with me but he forgave me and we forgot about it.

 

Then two months ago I found out he had cheated on me with this girl, he claimed he was really drunk and she came onto him. He started to have sex with her, but stopped and told her it was a mistake, and that was it, nothing happened between them again. He says he did it to get back at me for what I had done, and he knows what he did was worse but it didn't seem that way at the time at the time.

 

I forgave him, because it was so long ago, I didn't want to loose him over a mistake that he had made, and at least he stopped and didn't carry on. It did really hurt and I was heartbroken and couldn't stop crying to him, but I loved him so much, I couldn't loose him for something that had happened nearly a year ago, when we weren't in love or as serious as we were a year later.

 

We went on a break, but not because of that, for other reasons, like our relationship wasn't fun anymore and we just wanted to go out and be single for a bit. Somebody then told me that he had cheated on me whle we were still together the weekend before we went on a break. I got so annoyed and I told my two best friends that he had cheated on me before, even though I had promised him I would never tell anyone. It turned out he hadn't cheated on me again.

 

I felt so guilty after I had done it, I just had to tell him, and I did. He fell out with me and said he could never get back with me if my friends new that, they would hate him and it would never be the same and they would never want me to be with him. But now everyone has forgot about that, they still like him and are friends with him and he is OK with me now.

 

Well recently he told me to move on from him and to be happy, because we weren't getting back together any time soon. So I did, then this boy I like asked me to go with him, I said yes, I told my ex and he got really annoyed and said he was with this girl he had cheated on me with when we first got together, I was so annoyed and upset. It broke my heart all over again. He said he had sex with her properly this time, (turns out he didn't he was just doing it to annoy me) and he was just so horrible to me for ages. Then he text me and said he was sorry and he wasn't thinking straight because he was on medication and things. I sort of forgave him, even though I couldn't stand the thought of them together.

 

Then we fell out again last night because I was going to see this boy I am with and he wanted me to go and see him, he said that if I was going to see this boy I could forget going to see him, he didn't want to see me when I had kissed another boy. He started getting nasty again and calling me names and the boy names, and I got mad. Then last night I was at this boys house and I was telling him about how my ex had got with this girl, I was saying how much I hate her and he asked why. I said to him that he had to promise not to tell anyone if I told him, and he agreed. Then I told him that my ex had cheated on me with her.

 

When I got home my ex said he was sorry once again, but then he started saying that he wanted me back, not now, but in a few months, he wants to be the person he ends up with and the person he marrys. I said I felt the same way, but I still wanted to be with this boy now because I really like him.

 

Now I feel guilty all over again for telling this boy about what my ex had done, I made a promise to him and I have broken it twice. But I also promised myself that I would never lie to him and always tell him the truth, and I haven't broken that promise. Now if me and this boy get back together there will be a lie that I have to tell him, or a secret that I know and he doesn't and I will feel so bad. But I know that if I tell him what I've done he will get so annoyed with me and probably say he doesn't want me back anymore. But thats what he said when I told people the first time, and now he wants me back again.

 

I really don't know what to do know. I don't know whether to tell him or just keep it a secret. I'm sure he has kept secrets from me since we broke up, the girls he's been with and what they have done, where he's been. I just really don't know whether to tell him the truth and keep my promise. Would it really be that bad to not tell him?

 

Im so confused

[RayKay]

I am going to keep this short as I don't have a whole lot of time...but I wanted to just give you one short piece of advice.

 

This guy is honestly putting you through the wringer. I have had guys tell me too 'I want to marry you...but don't want to be with you right now...in the future". Guess where they are? Well, not here! it's a ploy honestly to keep you hanging around...any man whom really wants to marry you would not dream of risking losing you for a second.

 

He tells you he will never talk to you if you KISS a guy, yet when you were together he put his penis in another girl? Hm. Yes, it was pretty bad to talk about missing your ex, but that does NOT forgive his cheating at all.

 

You are broken up. He has no right to tell you what you can do, or what you can't, and threaten you are risking his being there if you date others when he had made it clear he wants to play around and is not going to commit.

 

Why would you feel bad for telling your new person about how you were hurt in the past? That just indicates to me your ex has a lot of control and emotional manipulation over you if you feel GUILTY for telling someone he cheated....he is shifting the blame on the wrong person.

 

I think there is way too much negativity and control here, you would honestly be better leaving your ex in the past and finding someone whom values you NOW, not "in the future".

 

My $0.02 anyway, take it for what it's worth.

 

RayKay