PutYourBackIntoIt Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 I just need to know if I am overreacting, or if I should seriously dump this guy as I am considering doing so. I recently got back with my ex after a 6 month hiatus. Things were going ok up until last night. We were talking about kids and he knows that I don't like kids. The guy I was with previous to him wanted to have kids with me and I left him because I was not ready. I said "Man, when a guy says he wants to have kids I'm out of there!"I told my bf this and he goes "I want you to have my kids." and he laughed. I didn't know what to make of this. Did he want me to dump him so he wouldn't have to dump me? After we had sex he started falling asleep. I then said I was going to go home and let him sleep. I started kissing him on the neck, like 3 little pecks and then he goes "Hey cut it out now." and he laughed. I was like "Umm what?" and he laughily replies "You're getting all lovey dovey now." I was shocked and confused. I'm not a very affectionate person so this was a bit odd. I said "Fine, I won't touch you then." And he continued to laugh. Before we broke up the first time around, I was pretty clingy I guess. I was the first to say I love you, always wanted to see him, etc etc. So I don't know if he's referring to when we dated before. I am really considering just breaking it off but I don't know if I'm overreacting. Help! Link to comment
RayKay Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Well, I am not sure what he meant, it would depend on the dynamic you have together. If you know he does not want children, and he said it, he was probably just playing with you. If he DOES want kids, perhaps he was also testing the waters a bit. The latter, he could also have just been poking fun with you. Or he may have been being passive aggressive, and asking you to stop without being the "bad guy" when he did it. I don't know, because I don't know his sense of humour...or how you two laugh together about things. I don't know if these persay would be "grounds for dumping him" - I don't know if he was just playing around with you or whatever. How does he make you feel? Why did you break up before, whom initiated getting back together? Are you two exclusive? I think you are overreacting a bit though, perhaps sensitive too what he thinks. I would not have taken these comments so personally, so I am trying to figure out why you may...which is why I am asking about rest of the relationship. Link to comment
keefy1972 Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 It seems to me as if you're over reacting. He says he wants you to have his kids and laughs? Big deal. He just wanted you to know that he sees you in a long term light like that but isn't too serious about it at the moment. You kiss him on the neck 3 times while he is trying to go to sleep and he laughs and says cut that out? Even less of a big deal. Maybe he just wanted to go to sleep. Nobody likes to be bothered when trying to go to sleep. Let it go. It's not an issue in my opinion. Link to comment
PutYourBackIntoIt Posted January 13, 2006 Author Share Posted January 13, 2006 We broke up for a number of reasons. He was a jerk and I called him on it. He didn't take to this too kindly and went out and found another girl without telling me he wanted to end our relationship. He told one of his friends that I said I loved him and it freaked him out and that I called all the time. This time around, I haven't called him on my own once. I do not cuddle with him when we watch tv. I basically act like I don't care. We are not exclusive. THe initial agreement was to have booty calls every once in a while but they turned out to be 3-4 times a week. His parents know I'm coming over and they thing we are going out. He gave me a leather handbag and wallet for xmas that cost about $150. So this lead me to believe this was more than a booty call. We haven't said anything to the effect that we are dating. I have not brought it up. But he will joke around asking me how many guys I'm seeing, or why my phone is on vibrate sometimes. He will say "Oh waiting for some guy to call you, haha." That's pretty much how it's been for the past month. We started seeing each other again after we ran into each other at school. I've lost 20 lbs since we broke up and I guess he liked what he saw because he chased me down. SO that's pretty much our history in a nutshell. Link to comment
keefy1972 Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Sounds like a pretty shallow dude if you ask me. Like he wants to be the "cool player" to his friends about you guys, but at the same time, tries to feed you little lines to keep you around. He will need to get to the point where he no longer worries that people know he is "spoken for". One little piece of advice, stop being a booty call. He'll never take you seriously if you let yourself get used like that. Guys have no respect, and often show no respect, to women that accept that kind of a role. In continuing to do so, you are setting yourself up for some serious disappointment. Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 I agree with Keefy - he's not going to be serious with a girl he sees as a bed buddy. Maybe you should start acting like you DO care. Don't be a booty call. You clearly have feelings for this guy. I also don't think he's going to show you much consideration if you continue in the role. Just because he gave you a $150 gift doesn't mean he wants you as more than a booty call. It's not about the price tag of the gift, rather, how he treats you. He gave me a leather handbag and wallet for xmas that cost about $150. So this lead me to believe this was more than a booty call. I hate to sound like this. I'm not trying to be mean, but men spend $150 all the time on hookers, and they are nothing more to them than a booty call. I think you feel like you're being disrespected, which is why you posted. Maybe the 3 kisses weren't a big deal, and maybe he was joking about the kids, but it seems like you have a feeling that you are being disrespected, and I have to agree, it seems that you are. Link to comment
RayKay Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 So...what are you getting out of this sweetie? Sounds like he is wanting his cake (sex with you) and to eat it too (sex with others if he feels like it). The only reason he IS around is because "you don't care" and you let him basically use you for sex. He may be trying to be "cool" to his friends, or whatever, but he's pretty shallow and jerkish if he does not care that is hurting you in the process. I know people whom will spend thousands on women whom are just "booty calls".....that shows nothing. It's his actions that are speaking, not his gift giving. Do you seriously want a guy whose reaction to "I love you" is to freak out? Or whom reacts to an argument by cheating? Do you really want to be with someone whom you cannot even cuddle with, or laugh with, be yourself with, whom lets you know they love you and shows it? What are you getting out of this? You deserve better then this, love yourself first, before you give your heart to this guy. Stop being a booty call, that is going to get you NOWHERE, except to more heartache and less respect for yourself. Link to comment
PutYourBackIntoIt Posted January 13, 2006 Author Share Posted January 13, 2006 It's really not a booty call anymore. His mom tells him to treat me nice and is always on his case about being nice to me. We hang out and watch movies, talk every day, do things together. He tells his friends about me. Him and his buddy are starting their own business and he told his buddy I would do their paperwork.(I never agreed to this) He wants me to go play poker with his buddies but I never do because I don't want to meet his friends. I wanted to keep the relationship kind of on the d/l but he's brought it to a level where it's more than a booty call now. Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Just because his mom is telling him to be nice to you don't mean much. Except that even his mom thinks he's being a jerk towards you. Now that's saying something!!! And he and his friend want you to be their secretary. That's not the same thing as gf. I agree with RayKay - if you tell someone that you love them, and they freak out, they are not emotionally mature nor are they the right one for you. Link to comment
keefy1972 Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 It's really not a booty call anymore. His mom tells him to treat me nice and is always on his case about being nice to me. What??? Okay so what happens when he moves out and no longer has mommy to tell him how to treat his women? Come on now, that is total denial talking! He should "treat you nice" on his own because he cares about you, not because his mom told him to. I see and read about women that tolerate this behavior all of the time, only to find down the road, they are whining and crying and not understanding why the guy took a big dump all over them. It's usually because they've let it go on and be acceptable for so long that the guys don't think twice about it. Have some dignity and self respect and stand up to this meathead! Link to comment
RayKay Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 It's really not a booty call anymore. His mom tells him to treat me nice and is always on his case about being nice to me. We hang out and watch movies, talk every day, do things together. He tells his friends about me. Him and his buddy are starting their own business and he told his buddy I would do their paperwork.(I never agreed to this) He wants me to go play poker with his buddies but I never do because I don't want to meet his friends. I wanted to keep the relationship kind of on the d/l but he's brought it to a level where it's more than a booty call now. If a guy has his mother telling him to stop being a jerk to you, and to be nice, what more do you need? Seriously, if a guy loves you and is into you, he does not NEED someone to remind him to be nice to you! That's just BIZARRE! So......it's great that you can be his secretary, but honey that is not the same thing as being his girlfriend. I agree with keefy...WAY too many women accept this sort of behaviour - they blame themselves, or think they can change them, or settle for the scraps they are thrown. Then they wonder why they are not appreciated in return, or they wonder why the guy won't marry them, or why they cheat, or why they break it off.....because honey, they gave you indications from the start they were not in it for love. Respect and love yourself FIRST. Only when you do that, will you stay out of these crappy situations, and be rewarded with true love. Link to comment
Huntsman Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 this man is emotionally retarded. can you explain the ways in which you feel attracted to him? how much of your EXPECTATIONS from a man are based on how YOU VALUE YOURSELF? be true. Link to comment
chigal28 Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 To me, the saddest part of what you've said is that when you hang out, you have to "pretend like you don't care." It seems like you're having to play games to make HIM feel ok and not threatened, and meanwhile you don't get to own up to your true feelings--meaning you can't even enjoy them! If I were you, I'd think about whether what he's offering you is worth it, or if you'd rather find someone you can be yourself around--and be truly excited about and who will be equally excited about you. Link to comment
PutYourBackIntoIt Posted January 13, 2006 Author Share Posted January 13, 2006 Thanks everyone for you input. I really needed a kick in the butt. I'm going to ditch him. Thanks again everyone! Link to comment
keefy1972 Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 You don't need a kick in the butt. HE DOES!! What you need to do is not be willing to accept less than you deserve. Link to comment
Berleigh3 Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 This guy kind of sounds like an idiot...really think about it before making any decisions, but you may be on the right track... Link to comment
chigal28 Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Hi, PutYourBackIntoIt, just curious what ended up happening? Link to comment
.thumb.jpg.78735a344a3340a866dda54f465baebb.jpg)
.thumb.jpg.2d93ce2472f26b01a1e185382ba0b64e.jpg)
.thumb.jpg.707652b1f845175b2f35e03ba7f1673e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now