Really confused and need some advice.

[AlexKitner]

Hi everybody,

 

Well, a little background first. I was seeing my ex from May to September . She lived about an hour drive from me and had two kids. We would only see each every other weekend when her youngest daughter was with her father. She had been dumped vicously on christmas day the previous year and was concerned about her kids getting attached if it didn't work out.. totally understandable.

 

We broke up 3 times durring that time and always got back together within the week. She would always say that "i'm just dont feel like i should be in a relationship right now.. its not fair that i cant give you 110% of me in the relationship". But, obvously, she really liked me and wanted it to work out. Well, The more we talked, the more i thought it was because of how bad this breakup at Christmas was that she was just petrified of letting go and getting hurt again. I still think that too.

 

Since the breakup, I went a month with no contact. then i tried to call her, just to see how she was. She didn't answer and i got her machine when her daughter was online once. I wrote her a letter exlaining why my number was on her ID and that i wasn't calling to "win her back" or anything.. just to catch up. We started emailing back and forth after that and she had said she still wasn't comfortable talking on the phone yet.. that it was too soon.

 

Well, my brother in law died about a week before christmas. I wrote her about it and she called the next day. We had been talking some about our relationship in email.. and i let her know that i did want to see her again and that i still cared about her but missed her as a friend too and would try to keep relationship talk of of our conversations. Anyways, when she called.. we were talking and laughing like old times. We talked about the relationship and at one point she said "part of me still wants to date you.. ". that kind of hit me. We talked about her going on a date with another guy and him just saying somethign incredibly rude to her and calling it off. .

 

Anyways, so we've been talking at least once a week since then. she's called a couple times and i've called a couple. I was really getting the feeling like she wanted to try again. She had said things like "your the only one in my life that might understand me" and "your the only one i can talk to and just be myself".. she also would talk about when we were dating and how much fun it was and how she thought back on it and smile.

 

"You did so many wonderful and caring things for me, and the fact that I wasn't sure about "us" made me feel so horrible because you were so nice to me." This was a quote from an email she sent me last week.

 

So i wrote her an email over the weekend while she was working. Regular stuff that we talk about.. but i throw in "would you like to get a coffee sometime, just as friends". She sent me an email on monday about some pretty horrific stuff had happened in her life... we talked about it for a good long while and i brought up going to get a coffee sometime again.

 

She goes "well, i remember i told you i was dating..and i'm dating somebody in particular.. so i wouldnt' feel right abotu doing that while i was dating him.."

 

I told her i completely understood.. when i date, i date that person and noone else. I just don't feel its right to see two people at the same time.. and neither does she. She's mentioned how amazed she is about our connection to each other so many times.. and has even said that i'll always be a part of her....

She did say she'd love to get together sometime and that it would be fun to catch up and everything.. then the "i'm seeing somebody".

 

Ok, so, did i read what she was saying wrong? If i had to have bet on this.. i would have bet that i was going to be having coffee with her on Saturday. It totally floored me that she was seeing somebody. She hasn't been for long.. at least mid December . Is she having second thoughts or did i just read stuff that wrong?

 

thanks for wading though that mess and thanks for your feedback

[heloladies21]

This never works, being friends hoping that it turns romantic again. If you want to keep her as a friend (which I don't even see the point) then go ahead. She'll keep you around until she gets serious with some guy and cut you off for good, but nothing she's doing or saying points to her even considering getting back together with you.

 

Once a girl starts dating around again, it's the final step. No going back now as it's a dead issue at this point. Put an X on her and do your best to move on. Go No Contact and start talking to other girls.

[AlexKitner]

Well, I have been dating and i told her so. We even had a good laugh at one of the dates i went on . It's not like i've been waiting for her.. i was just getting the impression that she was concidering another shot. She had mentioned several things we did on dates and how she missed them and she brought the sex we use to have to boot. That along with the "i miss our talks" and "we use to have so much fun going out.. i miss that" and everything else...i dont know, just seemed like the same tone when we got back together last time. I was mostly asking because I recently stopped dating a girl i was seeing and i didn't want to get involved with somebody else in case there's a change of heart here. I'd love to date this girl again now that she's had more time since her bad breakup at Christmas.

 

Thanks for taking the time to read that book i wrote.. it's really appreciated