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I believe I just need to expresssss.....

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I have never really been the type of fella to just express his feelings in words but tonight for some reason I am feeling some kind of resentment toward a relationship and life in general. I wouldnt more a less say its a depressed or anxious feeling because I am pretty laid back and I accept the things that are going on in my life whether how serious they may be. Or the decisions I am forced to make. But I have had this girlfriend for 3 years that is just crazy about drugs and running around acting like some silly freak who has absolutely no recall on life. I feel so deep in my own heart that I need to ferfill this girls needs and wants and not give up on her. I havnt heard from her in a week I dont know if shes in jail, still on a 5 day crack run or if shes sleeping or dead under a bridge. The insecurity everyone has told me that I needed help on is actually working on my benefit right now due to the fact that I am seriously in love with this girl and it is KILLING me thinking she is hurt. There is nothing I can do and it hurts so so so so so so bad. I know I cant help someone who is hooked on drugs and not welling to turn there life around. Whether they even know how to. Because this girl doesnt. She is 23 years old, had a husband die of a drug over dose. Lived with his parents which are prescription drug addicts and mooches off her to get there habits taken care of not realizing its hurting this girl even more by putting her in situations like this. I am not allowed to go anywhere around this girl by her family or my family. I am not welcome there and she isnt welcome here. She came to me last saturday and told me she had no place to sleep or live. She had MY which I let her take off in so she would have a place to sleep. She slept in the road in front of my house because after an hour of arguing with her she ran out of gas. I had no way of helping her. I had no one to call or any friends to help out. The friends I do have wouldnt help her anyway. She cried and she moaned and she made me feel ungodly bad. But I did not put myself in this situation. We have tried for 3 years to do good but with addiction and her not having even near the experience in getting life started. It has all went totally down hill. Now I am lonely and I am so worried about her that I could just fall to pieces. It is hard calling around because of my living situation. There is no way of finding out where she is by the police because there is already a warrant out on the car through the dealership because of it being repo'd. So if they find her riding around she will probably end up in jail. Which that is what I am thinking.


I am so comfused. It is so hard for me to forget about this girl because I have tried over and over again. Its impossible. I have had an 8 year relationship where it wasnt near this hard forgetting about somebody so I could get on with my life. What should I do? Should I tell my folks to go bug off I can maybe keep this girl in tract now. But I will have to move out which I am welling if she could honestly show something thats worth taking. Its so hard! I am going NUTS

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