Do I deserve it?

[valenski]

Do I deserve it?

 

At the end of another bitter day, another bitter fight, wishing it was the end of my bitter life

I stand in her doorway rose wilted, face contorted, heart heavy

Yes, I screwed up we all have but this time forgiveness was unsure

Mind pacing, tricks of an over active imagination

Has she found someone new?

 

I deserve it, to be left with my wicked self, egotistic, the chauvinistic bastard that I am

Raring its ugly head, proud and insensitive, impertinent and just plain stupid

My action was consequential but I never considered

Now here I am waiting for what seems to be an eternity

 

What will be my fate? Will she be colder than the night air? The victim, now my executioner

Mercy, do I deserve? Was I merciful? Chauvinism knows none

The plan, on my knees is where I'll beg for clemency

On my knees I'll pray for benevolence

 

I hear footfalls sweep along the sidewalk, a conversation indistinct but I know it's her

She's with someone? What have I done? Who is it? Must I hide? No!

I'll stand my ground I'm ready to dispatch my contender if needs be

Face flushed with anger, fist clenched, teeth grinding ready to leap, attack, STOP!

 

She bids her companion goodnight, back to defcon five, penitence and pathetic subservience

A flicker of condescendence before the inquisition "What do you want?"

Stern faced, she glared but betraying eyes showed hurt

My eyes watered, my heart melted, what a fool I am

 

From my lips came not what I had plan to say but words of heart felt anguish

Not prayers for forgiveness but lexis of empathy and remorse

How could I ask for clemency knowing earlier I bestowed none?

I presented my gift and defeated by my own conscience, I treated, broken but justified

 

That moment was the darkest, loneliest, inconsolable moment but I was willing to endure I know I was wrong and I have to live with that. I wished her the best

Five steps away from her she called out to me

And even though I didn't deserve it, she forgave me anywhere.

[Msnak]

Absolutely soul bearing. What a style you have, keep writing! You're awesome!

[ShySoul]

Agreed. You really put your soul into that and it shines through. Descriptive and powerful. Inspiring as well. Keep writing, it was great.