Obsessed or Dedicated?

[lxa1801]

I'm not one to usually post in forums like this. But I've come to the point where I'm totally lost, and most of my friends are clueless as to what to tell me. They've never seen me like this.

 

Okay, so my bf and I have been dating for about 1.5 years. We started dating in July of 2004, moved in together in Nov of 2004. Through the course of the relationship we both lost our jobs at the same time. We struggled with being unemployed. I was able to get a new job relatively quickly, but my partner was not. There were months of financial difficulty for us. I became stressed and because of that did not have a drive to have sex. After he got a job, we started to get back on our feet. And while our sex drive increased, we became very comfortable with each other and weren't communicating very well.

 

Anyway, this past Sunday we broke up. He had become distant and when we finally talked it came out that he didn't know what he wanted. So we broke up. It's hard to explain, and there are a lot of extraneous variables, but I didn't want to break up, but I said it made sense. Well we held each other that night for 2 hours while we cried together. Nothing changed in our relationship. We still slept in the same bed. No one was moving out. We even had a sexual encounter the other night. Although last night when I tried to engage he denied me.

 

I want to get back together with him. I'm totally in love with him and have never felt like this before (despite numerous breakups being on both sides). Usually when I get "dumped" I just turn off my emotions and go on with my life. But this time is different. I'm an emotional wreck.

 

He is ignoring it. Saying he needs to focus on work. We have plans to talk this weekend about getting back together. I don't know what to do. I can't imagine my life without him. I don't eat, can't sleep, think about it all the time.

 

I don't even know if there is a question in here. Anyone have any suggestions? Thoughts? Obsession or Love?

[blueangel]

I think what he needs is for you to help him.

[Boricua7]

First, let me state that there is a fine line between being in love and being obsessed. With this said, I can completely understand what you are going through. I too am broken up with the love of my life and am finding it hard to do much of anything because all I can seem to do is think; sometimes I end up thinking too much. For now you have to accept that you are broken up. It took me a long time to realize but broken up is broken up, no exceptions (thanks Vanilla for this advice). I too have been able to heal relatively quickly from past relationships and am finding this one especially difficult. Life never gets easier. All I can tell you is not to get your hopes up. Expect the worst; the last thing you want is to let yourself be disappointed. Although you are probably looking at the bright side and only see that there is a chance that you will get back together, keep in mind that the chance that he will want to live somewhere else and separate for good is there too. Don't allow yourself to get hurt. Right now being intimate will just hurt and confuse you so as much as you want to do it and as good as you know it will feel, don't. Atleast don't for the time being. I agree with blueangel in that you should just be there for him. That's all you can do right now.

 

Well, I hope everything works out for you!

[lxa1801]

I think what he needs is for you to help him.

 

I think you're right. He needs a lot of emotional and psychological help to get him over these blockades and this repression. I want to help him. But he needs to want to help himself.

 

He mentioned one day to me going to couples counseling. Which blew my mind. Anyway, besides being expensive its not easy to find one that specializes in gay relationships in Michigan. So we never did it. I'm wondering if now that should be part of our relationship if we decide to get back together this weekend.

[BellaDonna]

He mentioned one day to me going to couples counseling. Which blew my mind. Anyway, besides being expensive its not easy to find one that specializes in gay relationships in Michigan. So we never did it. I'm wondering if now that should be part of our relationship if we decide to get back together this weekend.

 

I think counseling would be a good idea, especially if your partner would be willing to go. Although I agree that finding a counselor who specializes in gay relationships would be ideal- if you can't find one in your area- then you may want too seek a general relationship counselor anways, because some of the underlying themes in most relationships (gay or straight are still the same) money, sex drive, communication...all couples are affected by those. A liberal relationship counselor should be able to help. Some health insurances pay for counseling visits- so if you have insurance through your new job- you may want to look into that. Either that, or look for non-profit agencies that provide services for little or no cost.

 

I hope things get better,

 

 

BellaDonna