Starting over

[emma34]

Well after 3 rough breakups, we are FINALLY over for good after 8 months of being each others entire world. I'm nearly numb to the kind of shock that comes to our breakups. We've been apart for 2 weeks now, and although he still hasn't returned some of my things, we haven't spoken. Although I've wished for his comfort, I haven't once regretted breaking up - I knew it needed to happen, we were not happy. The hard part is moving on.

 

See I moved into a new city when we first started dating and became very dependent on him since I knew nobody. I became friends with his friends and basically played the role of a married couple that didn't live together. I had a couple close friends, but both of them are very busy. I realize that I was wanting what I didn't have, because I often yearned to be independent. We'd go to a bar or something and I just wish that he would go on his own so I could meet people on my own and not be his arm candy or vice-versa. Now I dread being alone. Now that we're apart I've really got to spend some quality time with myself, I've started reading again, writing again, and I'm contemplating going to a new church. Even the thought of going to a church...alone...I don't know. '

 

I have colleagues at school whom I could make friends with, and I often see opportunities to meet ppl that I just ignore because it scares me, and I truly just want to be alone right now, and I feel like to meet people I have to have a wingman sort of thing. I'm young but I can't ignore the fact that I want to meet people on a social level and the thought of it just flying by me while I sit at home just seems awful. I really can't get the ambition...and I truly don't understand how meeting ppl and having a good time should take effort. Back in my old city and back in high school I had lots of friends and was involved in everything there was, but I realize now I was dependent on that group that I had.

 

Basically, I'm starting over on my own. I am mildly bipolar and manic depressive which makes things a little more difficult. My really outgoing and centre of attention state is like a "normal" persons sociable.

 

My situation isn't exactly a question of advice, but general thoughts or wisdom would be much appreciated! I could really use some encouragement.

[pos69sum]

i have a lot of free time now that i'm single - i find i can be really productive these days. it's weird all these years when we were together, it always seemed like i never had any time to take care of anything - well, now i know why.

 

it's only been 2 weeks for me but i met a few people last week at a meetup group for people interested in trying out different restaurants. it's good you mentioned church, that sounds like a good idea. like you i'm trying to figure out how i'm going to piece together a social life after relying on her for everything. it's scary but full of possibilities at the same time.