ehm doubleyou Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 Hey everyone.... It has been a tough few months since my break up....The crying has finally stopped( thank god for that at least) I am slowly ( and I mean slowly) getting myself back on track. I still feel not ready to date again, but I have been going out more often. There is a part of me that feels a sense of freedom, a sense of not having to deal with some of the bs that one deals with in a relationship, but there are the things i do miss as well and its not just sex, but when your partner comes right behind you and wraps their arms around you, and little things like that. We still talk and occasionally see eachother, but things are just different now. I will admitt that I am still not over her, hence the reason I still am not ready to date again, but its not because I have hope that one day we will get back together, its just that I am not ready...plain and simple. It does not help that she still contacts me either. I personally wish we would have no contact at all. But because of this, I am noticing alot more the things in her that I really dislike and am turned off by ....is that normal? Our last conversation did not go so well either. I find that she is easily offended, even though the person ( that being me )was not trying to insult her. I did my best to try and change the subject but she went right back to it....to the point where I told her straight up that I did not return your call to start things so I am letting you go ( off the phone ) before it really gets out of hand...she then called me a "drama qween" before I hung up....and that was so further from the truth....If anyones a "drama qween" its her. It kind of made me abit upset by that comment, I just find when she has a good weekend partying, then she treats me like garbage, and the minute when she has a bad time or day, she is sweet to me looking for support telling me how everyone but me treats her like crap ... blah blah blah. I just can not wait to I fully get my life back together, but most importantly ....I kind of cant wait to meet that special someone again and go through that magical beginning of feeling wanted. But for now, I am gonna enjoy being single for abit and not have to worry about relationship issues. So for those of you going through the process of healing after a break up ....just hang in there...its not easy, and even though I can see the light at the end of the tunnel...I am still not there yet, but I can see it more and more each day that passes, and when the crying stops, you know you are on the way to recover...take care everyone mw Link to comment
Dako Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 This is like reading my own posts from a month ago. You sound really healthy and almost ready to get on with life. Your ex may be having problems with the split as well, no matter how she may deny it. Even dumpers feel sad about the loss and aren't quite themselves. It may be good if you could arrange a little break with her until you disconnect from your history together. If she's a friend, she'll understand. If not, you aren't losing one. Keep on plugging . Link to comment
ehm doubleyou Posted January 11, 2006 Author Share Posted January 11, 2006 Thanks for your reply Dako I know she is going through a hard time as well, that is why I still get the phone calls from her. I do not phone her unless she asks me to or that I am returning a call to her. I wish I could arrange the break from eachother and it was something I wanted to do, but she thought it would be harsh to do something like that, probably cause I said that it may take a year and a bit to get over her fully. I just thought it was selfish of her to think of myself wanting to heal properly by means of no contact and saying that its "harsh" for wanting that. Oh and by no means is it harsh when I cry every morning for 3 months wondering what the heck I did wrong. why the break up? I still have no closure on it and feel like I never will. I just have to accept it and do things to better myself, cause the last hting I want is to jump into a relationship and still feel bitter about my previous one that I may bring into the new one. I have to work on myself and bring a smile to me one step at a time. Link to comment
Dako Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 Once again, you're mirroring my own outlook. I don't want to pollute my future with bitterness, either. Maybe we're both on to something. Link to comment
ehm doubleyou Posted January 11, 2006 Author Share Posted January 11, 2006 yeah its called: change yourself for the better ....cause its the only thing you can change ...is yourself, and no one else, but yourself... This is why I love this place....Cause its a place where one can relate to others which then makes one feel as though they're not the only ones going through pain. Take care Dako Link to comment
ehm doubleyou Posted January 13, 2006 Author Share Posted January 13, 2006 Well she called my cell yesterday while I was at work...She didnt leave a message so I decided that if she doesnt leave a message then it can not be that important and I ended up not returning her call. It kind of felt good....It kind of felt that I had some control back. Its Friday, so I know I wont expect a call from her today or tomorrow as usual cause she probably has plans with her g/fs ....when she calls on sunday like I know she will, I think I will try and not answer. I also joined a few online dating sites and already got 3 replies. I am not looking for anything special out of it...I was just curious to see how it all worked....Who knows it may be fun, what do I have to lose? Take care everyone. mw Link to comment
ehm doubleyou Posted January 16, 2006 Author Share Posted January 16, 2006 Wow...It has been 8 whole days of no contact...the longest I have went without talking to her. Even though we have been broken up for a few months now, we were able to sustain LC. It is too bad that our last conversation ended up on the negative side of things. I have been kept busy though, I have joined some online dating sites and received more replies than I can imagine...It is kind of overwhelming, but also good for the self esteem. One of my old roommates also was dumped by his long time g/f , so I have been helping him cope with it (or trying to ....He seems to be doing ok) and directed him to this site ...When he gets his comp hooked up in his new place then he is gonna check this site out. Back to me....i am wondering what she is up to and all, and if she is doing ok. My bet is that she is doing well cause she has not phoned me...I have to remind myself constantly that this is for the better. I have done alot of thinking about our last conversation in which she called me a pessimistic drama queen, and even though I may be abit pessimistic, I am not a drama queen, but if that is what she thinks of me, then I should do the best for the situation and stay out of her way and not be this negative influence on her....so I have to maintain n/c....well anyways take care everyone, hope everyon day is going at least ok mw Link to comment
Dako Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 People say the weirdest things during a breakup because they're upset. Not the best thing to dwell on as you recover. Link to comment
novaseeker Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 People say the weirdest things during a breakup because they're upset. Not the best thing to dwell on as you recover. Oh indeed! It's so tempting to go over these things with a fine toothed comb, but really people say things out of emotion, and it' s pointless of analyze them to the nth degree .. it certainly holds you back in terms of healing and recovery. Link to comment
ehm doubleyou Posted January 16, 2006 Author Share Posted January 16, 2006 Thanks guys for your input... I am not really dwelling on the fact of what she called me...I am dwelling on the fact that I wanted to end our relationship on a good note, but it seems with the L/C that she making me hate her in some regards...I am thinking htat is part of the process, but I do respect this woman and its a shame that it is coming down to this. I feel as though I will be getting a call from her within the next couple of days...but I am just not gonna answer it and let her leave a voice mail or email me. I need to heal and she is kind of not helping the situation....I feel she is being selfish towards it....only thinking of her needs and not mine. Link to comment
ehm doubleyou Posted January 18, 2006 Author Share Posted January 18, 2006 Well I kind of caved in abit and probably set myself back a step....The story goes like this.... I found out yesterday from a friend that my ex contacted his ex and asked her whether if she is her friend still cause apparently my ex has no friends anymore...which I really doubt cause she has a tendency to act like everyone dislikes her. That was not the part that made me cave in.....She also mentioned how our last conversation ended up me yelling at her.....I looked at my friend shocked....which then lead me to be abit down....because thats not what happened at all. I do not know what her definition of yelling is, but I assure you all that was not what happened. This is what happened on our last coverstation that led to this.... I return her call and start some small chit chat.... She is going to europe in the late spring with her sister on a tour of europe for 3 weeks....she has a fairly decent job in an office..... She mentions how she is applying to all these jobs and I mentioned to her if that was a good idea.....(big mistake) The reason I said this is because she has vacation pay for 2 weeks out of the three she is going and to try and get a job and then when she gets interviewed by a future employer its her duty to inform them that she is going away for 3 weeks ....If I was an employer i would not hire her because of that factor....Thats when she got really upset with me and I tried to change the subject knowing that I easily offended her, but she went straight back to it and I had told her that I did not call her for this and that this conversation is over before it gets out of hand....and I was not yelling at her. Now was I wrong mentioning that to her?...I was only looking out for her. As being a good person in general I decided to text her on her phone this morning and say good luck with her first night of night class and that I was sorry about what happened....thats it....was I wrong for doing this? For some reason even though I should be mad at her for how she was implying that I was yelling at her to her friends ....I felt abit sorry for her...It seems she is having a hard time with issues other than us...I was always her biggest supporter....but I just do not want to feel bad about telling her things like it is. .... About the online dating thing....I met a couple of people I am kind of interested in ...especially one that I seem to have alot in common with and she lives very close to my place...I am taking it slow with this...but none the less it has got me pretty excited in terms of my self esteem but anyways...Hope everyone is getting by alright and take care to all mw Link to comment
ehm doubleyou Posted January 19, 2006 Author Share Posted January 19, 2006 Wow...I met the coolest lady last night...we hit it off to the extreme....and I have a date with her this saturday....She is my age which is nice for a change... and we chatted for 5 hours last night. wish me luck ...i have not felt this excited since when i first went out with my ex over 4 years ago....I so miss that exciting feeling...take care everyone. Link to comment
Dako Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 Congratulations! I envy you, man! Chatting with a lady all night sounds sweet. Link to comment
friscodj Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 Wow...I met the coolest lady last night...we hit it off to the extreme....and I have a date with her this saturday....She is my age which is nice for a change... and we chatted for 5 hours last night. wish me luck ...i have not felt this excited since when i first went out with my ex over 4 years ago....I so miss that exciting feeling...take care everyone. There you go! And I bet you didn't expect that situation to happen. Life is funny like that! Good luck! Link to comment
ehm doubleyou Posted January 19, 2006 Author Share Posted January 19, 2006 thanks guys.... and you are right friscodj I did not expect it at all... Dako it was really sweet...what made it really cool is that she had a web cam while I showed her tons of pics of myself, but I got to hear her and see her in real time...I loved watching her laugh ...i am picking up a web cam tonight after work so we both can see each other....I recommend anyone to try the online dating thing for people who are sick of the bar scene and such like I am or for people who got out of a long term relationship and do not know where to go.... check out link removed...its all free and was the best one out of the 3 i tried Link to comment
Dako Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 Thanks for the link. Sure looks like a good place to look. Link to comment
ehm doubleyou Posted January 19, 2006 Author Share Posted January 19, 2006 It is...and I got plenty of replies and I am just an average looking guy...i recommend it to anyone Link to comment
ehm doubleyou Posted January 21, 2006 Author Share Posted January 21, 2006 Today is the day of the date i have...I am nervous as heck...even though I know what she looks like and she knows what i look like through web cams ...I have this nervous feeling and i wonder to myself "what if i do not like her in person?" I do not want it to be awkward and all, but then I say to just go with the flow...if it doesnt work out at least you tried and are really moving on with my own self and to just keep trying...I also met another lady I kinda like as well ...she lives a few minutes from me which is a bonus...so it seems that i really am geting out there and dating...Is it bad to possibley date 2 people?...I guess as long as i do not lead them on...it cant hurt to just check it out...cause i have to go for whats best for me...but wish me luck.....breath.....breath Link to comment
ehm doubleyou Posted January 22, 2006 Author Share Posted January 22, 2006 Well...I kinda of got stood up last night lol ....i am not at all down about it cause there was a death in her family and I mentioned before to her that if she had to cancel then it was not a big deal ...if it were not for the death in her family then I would of been alittle disappointed...dont get me wrong i was a tad disappointed...but what i ended up doing was going out and having fun with my friends which was great...I socialized with other women and I truly feel like I am in reaching distance to the light at the end of the tunnel. I feel good about myself ...even though the ex is still on my mind, she is not on my mind as much anymore...and I am surprised with myself that I am not all sad about being stood up...and I am even excited for next week end when I go out and have fun...right after the break up, i dreaded the weekends...now I am looking forward to them again....but anyways hope everyone is hanging in there...take care and I will keep you all posted if anyone cares mw Link to comment
Dako Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Great news to hear. You sure are progressing by leaps and bounds. You almost sound a little relieved about being stood up, kinda like a job interview being pushed back a week so you can prepare better! Link to comment
ehm doubleyou Posted January 23, 2006 Author Share Posted January 23, 2006 Hey Dako....Yes, you can say that I was a bit relieved...just a bit cause this is the first time I have tired this net dating ....and even though we speak to each other with web cams and see how we react ...how we smile, and how we present ourselfs, and like the way eachother looks...i felt as though it was still a tad too early to meet...She did email me though apologizing, and that she was in another town to be with family and that she was still very interested. I do feel like I am progessing alot faster now, and I am sooo greatful that I got through it cause as everyone here knows its a rough ride to go through...I think the N/C is really helping alot, and some attention I am getting is helping the self confidence and boosting my ego to a reasonable level that I can smile once again.... I will keep posting...Take care everyone and Dako, I hope you are hanging in there yourself mw Link to comment
ehm doubleyou Posted January 25, 2006 Author Share Posted January 25, 2006 Well I have been having a pretty decent day....I have been chatting with the lady via web cam ...but she is having a rough time due to the passing of her mom....I did my best to be there for her as much as i possibley can....and she has thanked me for the support i am giving her....but I noticed an alarm bell ringing in my head about something she mentioned to me that is abit of a turnoff....and I was surprised she mentioned it to me....and I really might send her packing because of it....but i do not want to be a jerk either....I do not want to get into it at this moment....but lets say any girl or guy would be bothered by this....it could of been the spur of the moment ...i do not know...but I am gonna look into this ...i just do not know how...its a shame cause I really connected nicely with her....but with online dating ....whether you are a girl or a guy....you have to be careful...I am still gonna give her abit of a chance...but my guard is now up... I have also been chatting with this other girl who only lives a few blocks away from me...which is surperb ...and we share the love for very spicy food...and our hatred for country music...( sorry country music fans) I let her watch me on my web cam ....and she was telling me how she could not stop watching....I was flattered....lol ....she seems really down to earth and i love her name.....michelle ....and she seems like the type of girl i would go out with....my only beef is the age...she is 22 i am 31....it just feels like thats all i date is younger women...and its like that with my family as well...the guys always dating younger women....thats what i liked about the first one is that she was my age....but i am leaning towards michelle....and just for the record...i am not a player....if i find someone i want to date then i just stick to one person at a time...as far as i am concerned right now, i am just chatting....but anyways everyone...hope your day is going ok....take care.... mw Link to comment
NJRon Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 I hear you about the age thing. I keep telling myself to wait for someone closer to my age. Someone who has their life together and their goals figured out. Then, I keep getting together with women 10 or so years younger than me... someone boot me in the head. Link to comment
ehm doubleyou Posted February 1, 2006 Author Share Posted February 1, 2006 I have been thinking of the ex lately...I wonder how she is doing and all...kinda miss her...but in no means has this set me back in any way. I have accepted the fate of our relationship together. I have been moving on ...but I am having one of those days where i am just thinking of her...I just wish she can send me a tiny email stated she is doing alright. On the dating situation....It has been alright...I am meeting new women all the time but nothings come up with a person I totally click with...the one that I thought I was clicking alot with is turning out to be a person I dont think I would be interested in....but i am still fishing ....Another girl i kinda click with but only chat it up every 3 days or so...so its kinda slow pacing...and she is abit younger than me....which once again i am hoping to date a lady who is past the "need to find out who i am" stage that seems to cause alot of break ups. but anyways ...just thought I would post this update for anyone that is interested. Take care everyone ...hope everyone is hanging in there mw Link to comment
deejay74 Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 i am exaclty where you are except with the dating thing. Link to comment
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