His ex called - is it ok that he didn't tell me?

[thoughts]

My man's phone bill just came in and on 12/30 he spoke to his ex twice for a total of only 5 minutes. Now she's been bothering us for a while - about 10 months. I knew she called on that Friday, but I did not know he spoke to her. Meanwhile, my ex has been texting me and I always tell him. I was a little suspicious, so when I got the e-mail that our phone bill was in, I immediately looked and A-HA!

 

Is it a big deal? Should I just let it go? Maybe he spoke to her to ask her to finally stop calling? I fear if I bring it up and it was no big thing, than I will just be making him, once again, think of her.

 

curiosity killed the cat. And this is why if you hear a noise in the basement, YOU DON'T GO IN THE BASEMENT!

[Beec]

I don't think it is a big deal. Five minutes conversations on the phone are wrong in what way? If there was something other than a conversation, I mght think otherwise. But you don't say there is or could be.

[RayKay]

I would personally not make such a huge deal out of it. If an ex contacts my boyfriend, or mine contacts me, I don't think it is necessary to tell every instance to each other. We are honest with one another that we are in contact time to time, so I don't think bringing it up every time is really necessary...if it's really irrelevant to you that they call/text, to me it is not even worth mentionining! Unless they were trying to "win" them back or being inappropriate, then I would want to know!

 

It was only 5 minutes total, I doubt much was said in that time anyway....other then a "how are you....can't/don't want to talk any longer...bye".

 

I am wondering by your post though if there are other issues around trust that are at play here?

[thoughts]

It was actually 2 conversations - one for 2 minutes and one for 3 minutes. I can't assume I know what was said. I guess I am hurt because I tell him when my ex's call or text me AND I don't entertain a phone call or text back.

 

I then think about if he told me then I would ask, what did she say, what did you say, yada yada yada. SO, maybe it is best he didn't tell me.

 

With only one exception, we went to get him a new phone and I suggested he change his # because she always calls and I asked if she'd called lately and he said NO. That is lying - I don't think I can tolerate it.

[PrincessLinzay]

Well, on the flip side......I can completely understand where you're coming from.

 

Even though it was very probably innocent, exes can cause major problems in relationships, especially considering that she has been a problem for the past 10 months.

 

It's okay for you to feel icky about it, but at this point I probably wouldn't bring it up. It could potentially cause an unecessary argument because he feels like you're spying on him. If there are other things that are causing you to be suspicious, then I would evaluate their seriousness and respond accordingly.

 

Just keep reminding yourself that he's with you. I bet your # was on his call list a whole lot more than hers.

 

Cheers.

[Dako]

Make your guy promise to promptly report to you any calls from her, or else trust him.

[jigsaw]

I am wondering by your post though if there are other issues around trust that are at play here?

I have to agree with RayKay, you looked at the phonebill because you were supsicious. Is there something else going on that you don't trust him?