I think Im being really stupid

[I_Like_Doug]

I REALLY like this guy. He's really sweet and he's just wonderful Problem is... he has a girlfriend, but he tells me that he cares about me -n- that he loves me. He doesnt even tell her that he loves her! He comes over my house and hangs out and is really flirty. I actually feel kinda weird saying this, but we kiss and he holds me -n- stuff!! Its almost like we are dating but only me, him, my sister and his friend know about it! Other people know that he comes over and hangs out with me and my sister, but the way he acts with me... well its kinda between us 4!

Its almost like we have a secret relationship! I think he really does want to be with me, but he's scared! He is 16 (be 17 this year) and I'm 18 (be 19 in Dec)! He has asked me to move out of state with him when he graduates (He's a junior now). I wanna go but how do I know if he's for real? He's offering me a life with him and great things to come, but only problem is do I believe him or not? Should I? He says his girl will be going to college and they will be done for sure and that he wants me to move with him and be with him! What do I think of this? I'm lost in confusion !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PLEASE HELP ME

LUV-ANGEL!!

[registered]

I don't think you need to worry about whether you need to believe him or not. The future isn't the main issue here - he has a girlfriend now.

 

Why doesn't he break up with her? If he wanted to be with you he would break up with her wouldn't he? What's the purpose of being with her?

 

Don't you feel any guilt knowing that you are involved in his cheating on his girlfiriend?

 

So firstly be concerned with his values.

 

Why would you have to move out of state? Is there a reason for this in particular? (Is it because of college?)

 

And remember that guys mature more slowly... you probably have many years on him mentally...

[Eyre]

If he really wanted to be finished with her..he already would be. Don't hang your hopes on him. If you have to keep the relationship you have secret, why is that? Because you know that honestly it isn't something you are proud of.

 

And this life that he is offering...what kind of life is that? Can he support you? Does he have a job (one that makes more than minimum wage?)? You need to consider that though you have these feelings for him that he may just be enjoying the fact that he can have you and his other girl too. If you were truly important to him you would be his only girl.

 

You DESERVE NOTHING LESS!

[lady00]

I agree with what the others said. The guy expects you to wait around until he and his gf (supposedly inevitably) break up when she goes to college. Why? If he wants you, he should break it off with her and be with you. Waiting till she goes to college makes no sense. It means he likes having both of you around. Otherwise he wouldn't do it. Bottom line, he's cheating on his gf and you're cheating on her with him. You should never put yourself in the position to accept second-best. No guy is worth that. My advice is to stop listening to his words about the future and look at his actions in the present. His actions are the real evidence of what he'll be like in the future, not his words.

[xmrth]

How do you know he's not going to do this same thing behind your back if you two got together? Why not find the same great *other* qualities in a guy who isn't attached; maybe someone who's a little more mature, too?

[BabyGirl_1]

First of all, If he wanted to be with you and If he loves you as he says he does, he wouldn't have to hide the fact that you two are together. He is telling you only what you want to hear, not the truth. Why does he have to wait for his girlfriend to leave if he is so in to you? Don't be naive sweetie. He must be telling his gf something because she's still around, you are way to young anyway. Im sure there is another guy out there that wants to be with you and ONLY you. Find another guy, life is too short and you are young so live it up.

[I_Like_Doug]

from what his friends tell me... he is the kind of person that hates to make people mad... so, when he breaks up with her she gets mad and he has to go back and fix it!! I understand why he dont break up with her... and i except that i have to wait... only b.c i really care for this guy! His friends all tell me the same thing! and his friends are the kind that talk behind peoples back (he's not)... so i'd think they'd tell me if he talked about me... they tell me everything else everyone else says!!

OUR friend tells me that he really does like me but he's always trys to please everyone but himself... he tells me that he really loves me and i believe him... i've been around when he's talked to her and when she says "i luv u" he says 'alright'

[theantibarbie23]

from what his friends tell me... he is the kind of person that hates to make people mad... so, when he breaks up with her she gets mad and he has to go back and fix it!! I understand why he dont break up with her... and i except that i have to wait... only b.c i really care for this guy!

 

I'm sorry but that is the same kind of line that married cheaters use when asked why they haven't left their spouse yet. It's tired old excuse heard a million times over.

 

He is not doing her any favors by taking her back and then cheating on her. If anything he's only hurting her more. He needs to let her go so she can find someone who will actually care about her.

 

If you want to know if he's actually serious about you, let this guy know you need to stop seeing him until he breaks it off. If he really feels that strongly for you, he won't want to lose you and will end things with the other girl.

 

Ethier way, he needs to stop cheating. He is stringing both of you along at this point and I'm not certain that will ever change when you are allowing him to have his cake and eat it too.

[RayKay]

If he loved you, he would leave his girlfriend. Plain and simple. He is not only showing disrespect for HER, but also to YOU by telling you through his actions you are not important enough for him to leave his girlfriend.

 

Do you know HOW common it is for a cheater to tell their mistress "I love you, I don't love my wife/girlfriend, our relationship is terrible...."...and meanwhile they are lying to their wife/girlfriend, or telling them they do love them.

 

He is treating you both terribly. And given his lack of respect for commitment, chances are great he would cheat on you too in time.

 

When someone loves you...you are not a secret. But I think you both are getting a rush out of the secret, rather then looking at things objectively.

 

I sure would not be moving my entire life to be with someone whom I already knew was a cheater, and whom did not think I was worth breaking up with his gf with FIRST before dating me. What great things is he offering to you to come? The chance to be his girlfriend...while he cheats on you with another "secret" woman?

 

 

Are you telling me he is NOT pleasing himself right now by having two girls, and having his cake and eating it too? How does cheating on his gf please HER, and how does not breaking up with gf please YOU? That's BS.

 

Of course he does not say that to her in front of you....that would have you questioning his motives. Not saying it back in front of your other girlfriend/mistress is well...not exactly surprising. What would happen if YOU said "i luv u" in front of her to him????

 

 

 

Learn to respect yourself, you deserve someone whom will give you 100%. And right now, you are truly shortchanging yourself. Someone whom truly loves you and truly wants to be with you, won't be with someone else at the same time.

[Day_Walker]

I think you have to be real with yourself. You are emotionally attached to a guy that has a gf. No matter what he tells you he still has a gf. The bottom line is that he isnt breaking up with this gf because of his feelings for you. Now im sure you will say that he has told you that his situation is complicated and he cant leave her but that excuse is an over used cliche. Since you have an emotional involvement with this guy its going to be hard to get yourself out of this situation. Its not productive to be the girl on the side.

[I_Like_Doug]

What would happen if YOU said "i luv u" in front of her to him????

 

 

 

quote]

What would happen? I dont exactly know but it doesnt matter cuz he tells me it in front of everyone else... i dont exactly care about her!! Or what she has to say... i am pleased with where im at... wheiter we become gf/bf or just friends, i love him with all of my heart and would never let anything come between us!!!

[RayKay]

i love him with all of my heart and would never let anything come between us!!!

 

Um, so what about his girlfriend then?

 

You are really selling yourself short by agreeing to be with someone whom won't commit, and I feel very sorry for his girlfriend. You might not, but I am sure if one day you are in her shoes, you will know exactly how cruel it is.

[theantibarbie23]

If you were happy you would NOT of started this thread. You may not like the answers you received but they are the cold hard truth. One day you may wake up from this with the understanding that you put you life on hold waiting for a man that would never really be yours.

 

The way he treats the woman he is with now is a clear indication of how he may end up treating you. He is ethier too much of a coward or too uncaring to break things off with her, is that really what you want in a potential mate?