NC is getting harder as time goes on

[deejay74]

everyone is saying the doing the NC makes you stronger, why do i feel it's making me want to contact her even more? as time goes on, my desire to contact my ex grows more and more.

 

and i think about why she hasn't contacted me. she is the one who told me during the break up that i can call or email her anytime and that she still wants to remain friends. i know she's is not waiting by the phone for me but i wonder if she is waiting for me to contact her when i am ready.

 

in addition, i have been trying to work on me during this period of NC but even when i hang out with my friends, the conversation turns to my break up and my ex. i am very greatful i have very supportive friends, but i feel that i am bothering them about it by now. today it's been 1 week and 4 days since the break up.

 

it really hurts me to know my ex is probably feeling really good about herself and she's probably not thinking about us anymore. it's hard b/c i don't understand how she cannot miss me when we spent nearly every weekend for the past 6 months together, doing things, having fun and now it's completely stopped. i am assuming she doesn't miss me, i guess i won't know. for those who haven't read my break up story, my GF left me because she is a very busy person and is extremely focused on school and her goals. she said the relationship is too much for her to handle while she is trying to stay focused. i am sure that i also had something to do with it.

 

anyway, i am rambling and i need to vent. thanks for reading this.

[SilverManic]

I know it's difficult and this is the advice someone once gave to me. 'Your just going to have to get used to it'. I surgest that until you can really tell yourself 'right' time to get over it. Because unless you do that and can put all your effot in to other things your going to want to contact her even more. I'm sure she is sad about it and thats why she hasn't contacted you.

Give it some time it took me a few months of nc to get back on track. It's different for everyone. But you just need to give up on that person as a lover compleatly and move on. It's really hard, but if she doesn't want to come back then she won't, you can't force her.

Cry, get it all out of your system and then though yourself into something you enjoy.

Good luck,

~S.

[octopus]

I am in the EXACT same situation as you are. So to begin with, you are not alone. As for her business, that made me think she just wasn't that into you. If you have THAT feeling, you'll go to the end of the world for the other, we all know this.

 

As for dealing with NC, I don't know what to say. I just cant stop myself from thinking "What is he doing, does he miss me, has he moved on?", but I will never know the answers, and yes, he probably already moved on before we even broke up.

 

Try not to break NC, so that you dont regret later, and keep yourself busy. Go walk - i started taking a percussion class - and fill your every minute. It gets less and less everyday, you miss them less and you wonder less. Although it is in cycles, one day I feel great and excited about moving on, the next day I'm back to break up day 1.

 

Write to this forum and we'll respond to you- that's something to look forward to as well. Good luck and stay strong. Don't break NC - it's good for you. At least don't initiate contact. She wanted to be without you, let her have it.

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

You need to give it some time. I'll agree, the beginning of NC is the absolute worst. It wasn't until maybe 3 months of NC that I could think rationally about my ex. You will heal, you just need to give yourself time. NC in not a instant process, it will get worse before it gets better, but it will get better.

 

And about her not thinking about you. Trust me, she is. You can't have someone be a part of your life for 6 months and have them completely forget about you just like that. Keep in mind, just because she's thinking about you, it doesn't mean she wants you back. It's harsh but it's true.

 

Good luck to you, I know what you're going through, it will get better.

[deejay74]

i cried for the first time since the break up yesterday. i am actually tired of feeling sad and feeling like i want to cry. luckily i do see a therapist, whom i saw this morning, and she did make me feel a little bit better when she said it's only been 11 days no one expects you to be over it by now. i guess i am an impatient person.

 

i do think my ex was into me, at least in during the summer when she had much more free time. my therapist told me it was a dangerous thing to get involved with her at that time because it may have been a slight misrepresentation of who she was and how much she could commit to a relationship. this may be true, but why can't i just accept all the facts? i am very confused. i know my ex, she is a good person and she is honest, maybe it's not the right time in her life or our lives to be together but i can't seem to just let go. ugh!

 

i miss her so much - she was my best friend. it took me 5 years to find someone that i thought was worthy to be my girlfriend (after my last ex) and now i am afraid it's going to take another 5 years.

[deejay74]

And about her not thinking about you. Trust me, she is. You can't have someone be a part of your life for 6 months and have them completely forget about you just like that. Keep in mind, just because she's thinking about you, it doesn't mean she wants you back. It's harsh but it's true.

 

thanks for saying this, i hope you're right. it does make me feel a little bit better to know she can't just turn her thoughts/feelings of us off like a faucet, although at times i thought she might have.

 

i realize that it doesn't mean she wants me back, but it's hard to accept.

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

It's never easy to accept, if it was, you wouldn't be human.