She called tonight..

[Jjasonn28]

Hello, Im sorry for posting again, and getting on your nerves, (if that is infact what im doing.)

 

She called me tonight, again, to say hello. Since we broke up, I have refused to initiate contact. I told her I wouldn't. Tonight, the conversation started mostly with small talk. How are you, how is Parker (our dog) etc...

 

We then began to talk about our relationship, and how we were on different levels when it comes to having a need for interdependance. I believe I am fairly balanced. I have the need to share with a partner, but at the same time, enjoy my personal space. She on the other hand, has always figured herself to be more independent, goal/career oriented.. with little 'need' for a shoulder, or significant other to lean on. In my eyes however, based on her upbringing, and past relationships, felt that deep down, she has a strong desire to finally some how let her self be comfortable in sharing, supporting and receiving the support of love. I never confronted her with this though, Im not the type to try to pressure, or push someone to shape/mould their character. Besides, I fell in love with her for the person she is.

 

During our discussion tonight however, she broke down. She confessed to me that her indipendance - how she thought she was strong and wanted to do everything by herself, is perhaps a front. A defense that she had put up to keep from being hurt.

 

Now I know its over between us, but it kills me more, to think that now, after everything, she is finding this out. All I ever wanted to do was be there for her, support her, love her, and spend the rest of my life with her, as her partner. Im happy that she is recognizing this stuff, but why does it have to be now? I wanted to reach through the phone and just hold her.. but instead, I grew quiet.. perhaps a little cold.

 

She also asked if she should stop calling me. This is a tough question. I of course dont want to stop hearing her voice. In fact, the times she has called, Ive felt somewhat better afterwards. Knowing that she too hurts, is having a hard time, and just wants to hear my voice too. So I told her that she can keep calling. She was happy to hear this, and said to me that it is something that 'she needs too'. That she would go crazy 'not knowing how i am'. Also that we are 'not dillusional' and should be able to take it day by day, and handle this situation 'like adults'.

 

This got me thinking. Why. Why now. She honestly has called me more this week, than any time in the previous couple months. Ive decided I do want to salvage a friendship, at some point because more than anything, thats what we were best at. Is this all just bad timing? Some higher power playing nasty jokes with my mind? The fact that she is showing more care and concern for me NOW, than before, makes me that much sadder. I just dont understand.

 

Thanks for letting me talk. I could write forever..

[Relationship Coach]

Jason,

I'm really sorry to see you go through this roller coaster ride. I understand your attachment to her but she is really being selfish by contacting you to appease herself. It may make you feel better initially but in the long run it really holds you back from moving forward.

 

As for her being caring and showing concern, it's easier for her to show this now because there isn't a commitment, requirement or relationship. The pressure is off.

 

Keep writing, it helps with clarity and helps you to see things for what they are.

[truelovewaits]

Hello ~

 

I agree with RelationshipCoach completely. I know she is a good person, but unfortunately she is not being very considerate of your feelings in expressing these things to you now, after all that has happened. She may be reevaluating the role she played in the relationship in an attempt to grow from this and since you've agreed to remain friends feels that it is okay to talk with you about anything. I think its just going to take some time for you to be able to be the friend she wants you to be. Its only fair for her to give you that.

 

 

Hang in there Jason, things will look up and cliche as it sounds, time does heal wounds.

[hosswhispra]

Jjassonn,

 

I know that Relationship Coach and truelovewaits won't agree with me, but I can't help to continue to think that you two are going to work this out (just my hunch--time will tell). She seems so uncertain about breaking up with you and seems to be having second thoughts.

 

I can understand where your girlfriend is coming from (in a way)...I am kind of like that myself...I'll put up a wall or remain "very independent" out of fear of getting really hurt by someone I deeply care about. So I can kind of identify with her in regards to that aspect.

 

Good luck,

hosswhispra

[Jjasonn28]

Thanks for your posts..

 

Maybe it is unfair of her to be doing this... but somehow it DOES make me hurt just a little less when she calls. Well, for now anyway. I am a romantic. Is that a fault? I would like to believe that Love, is more than another physical emotion... that true love, goes beyond that. Hoss, if what you think, and what my heart wants so bad does eventually happen.. then I will have reason to believe in more than just what I see. A meaning, if you will.

 

However, I know I cant hold on to that hope forever. I read something in someones signature, about how past loves, are guiding stars. Leading us to where we are intended to be... with that one true love.

 

If there is a bigger, greater love out there, then hopefully, one day this will all make sense. The pieces will have fallen into place.

 

Until then, Im trying to put one foot infront of the other...

 

Trying..

[coooolsome]

Just keep moving forward with your life. You cant have a relationship without a friendship and you have to rebuild the friendship. Dont always be available either. Dont answer all her calls right away, let her wonder what you are up to. She is starting to recognize her faults and that is a good thing. Sometimes we dont see things b/c we became comfortable in a relationship and a breakup is needed to figure things out. It may not be the end for you two but only time will tell.

 

You need to keep thinking about yourself. If the calls become to painful, you need to stop them and do NC completely. Also, if she starts dating someone else, I would go NC also unless you can handle just being friends and listening to her talk about a new person.