Where do I go from here?...

[spanisheyes]

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now. We have had our fair share of ups and downs but we've made it through a lot and it seems not matter what happens, we can argue about things and not speak and then we just put it behind us. I always tell him I feel connected with him like he and I share a scret that no one else knows. All that is in perile right now because of what happened this weekend.

 

Saturday evening he was supposed to go to work and then when he got off at 2am, he was going to come over and stay with me and the next morning we were gonna go to breakfast and run some errands and stuff. Well I went to bed about 11pm and I woke up about 3am and tried calling him beacuse he hadn't showed up. He didn't answer so I just went back to sleep figuring he worked later or went home or whatever. The next morning I got up and he called me and said he was sorry he didn't come over but he had a really rough night. I told him no problem but I wished he would have let me know.

 

We went on with our day as planned and had a pretty nice day. He ended up leaving about 4pm. Right after that, I called my best friend because we were supposed to go shopping. I went to go pick her up and as soon as she got in my car she says, "my stomach is in knots over what I have to tell you."

 

She proceeded to tell me that her husband had gone to a basketball game the night before and there was my boyfriend with his ex girlfriend. Now, he and I have argued about this particular person before. He says they are good friends. I called him right then and told him never to call me, or see me again. He called me back and I told him what I had learned. He knows my friends husband so how in the heck would he think he would get away with this? He has called me several times since then to apologize and beg for forgiveness. He knows how I feel about this girl and how sensitive I am about her. She hasn't been an issue for the last 6 months. But he lied to me. He says he lied because he knew I would be upset and he'll never do it again. Now I'm wanting him to prove to me that they are just friends. Because I know he was with her and I'm wondering if he ended up at her house after the game because he didn't show up to my house... He knows I'm having problems trusting him and I've asked for his help in this and then he does this.

 

HE does seem remourseful but I don't know if I give in, if I'll be able to trust him. And I don't know if he's remourseful just because he's scared that I'll contact HER. Am I wrong for telling him that after all the crap we've been through concerning this woman, I want him to chose what's more important to him - his relationship with me or his "friendship" with her. And am I wrong for asking him to prove to me that there's nothing more than friendship between them?

[lovecrazy]

He lied to you! I would make him work for it!

 

If you love him make a go for it. But make it known that you dont want him talking to her!

 

My question is why do you not want him talking to her?

[spanisheyes]

Because at first I kept finiding things that suggested things weren't over with her. I believe an ex is an ex for a reason.

[RayKay]

While, I don't think ex's can NEVER be friends, I do believe that if you are friends that complete honesty and respect is essential towards your current partner.

 

And he violated this. Not only violated it, but lied absolutely even about working, and his plans that night. Whether you can forgive that or not is up to you.

 

How are they going to prove there is nothing more then friendship? If you don't trust either of them, how would either of them successfully "prove" it was only friendship? It would in my opinion get you nowhere. You won't suddenly trust again if they could "prove it". And why are you bringing her into it, it's him that did you wrong at this point as he is the one committed to you.

 

He did make a mistake, and has apologized. I think if you want to work it out you need to sit down and talk and find out what is going on, and why he lied (he may have done it, as stupid as it was, out of fear...or something more serious). Then make your decisions when you have it all in front of you.

 

But I will say if you cannot trust him, it's time to let the relationship go if you feel it can't be rebuilt...because what is a relationship without trust really?

 

For the record, I do thing he was terribly wrong for lying to you, and for going out with an ex without TELLING you ahead of time, but you need to decide for you if it was a slip up and forgivable or not.

[Dako]

He shouldn't have to prove they're just friends. He should prove his loyalty to you by not seeing her. Obviously it bothers you enough that he should respect your wishes. You've been together such a short time, he can't expect you to feel comfortable with this.

[Vanilla]

ok no way in hell. he broke the respect factor line here.

 

if your partner makes it clear it is NOT cool with them to see your ex and it has cause many problems before then one has to RESPECT THAT.

 

I cant believe he went to a bball game behind your back with her and then tried to lie to you about it. A bball game- such a date thing to do!

 

That is so horrible and I am so sorry.

 

You were so trusting and understanding and he belittled you like that!!!

 

i admire you for giving him the kick in the butt and knowing what you deserve and where you stand.

 

If you have not been together for a long time and he's already pulling crap like this I suggest you really think things through. Here's your first RED flag. Think about it.

 

In my opinion that is just LOW....way too low. Im sorry