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Very Personal - Can't orgasm

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Wow.. can't believe i'm about to say this in public...


Basically I came out of a 5 yr relationship in September, and since then I've been with 4 girls sexually (two in a dating type situation, two 1 night stands).


The problem is I can't orgasm... I came once after about 2 hours on one of the 1 night stands, but all the other time I haven't been able to come. And it makes me feel horrible. The girls think they're doing something wrong when they're not at all. I don't know what the hell is going on.


When I was in my relationship I had no problems coming at all... Sometimes I was quick, sometimes I took ages. But 95% of the time I didn't have any problems.


Now here is the bad part, the only time I did come, I had to pretend my ex was with me, and then I had an orgasm. I've since tried that again, but it doesn't work.


I can orgasm fine by myself.


Have any other guys experienced this and gotten through it? What can I do?

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I think whatever it is can be found in your head. If it were an erection issue, self-hypnosis could help. If you use self-service, not doing so might help. But, otherwise, I think you need probably have mixed thoughts in your head about whether you do or don't come. Have had the problem, sometimes when I was a bit worried about the risks.

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In my female opinion, I think it's probably something psychological, antigravity. You probably don't feel like you can let yourself 'go' with someone you don't really, really know. This is so truly understandable, as you probably didn't feel 100% comfortable with the last 4 women. I could see how this would happen. You did not have any problems in regards to your girlfriend (a 5 year relationship).

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It is something with your head.


Have you considered that maybe you can't orgasm because your emotions and feelings are not into it, because you are not healed? I would say if you managed to come when you thought of your ex, it may be very much because you are emotionally not moved on yet, or as attracted to these girls as you were your ex (don't worry, in time you will be...but you need to heal).


I would say part of it may be as you were not with these girls as you were really really into them, but more because you were trying to replace the loss?

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Good advice hosswhispra.


It's about being able to completely let go with a person, and you might be someone who can't let go unless you are fully committed to the person, in a relationship. That's not something you should feel bad about, its just a part of who you are.


Another thing is to realize that you aren't alone in this issue. Other guys have the same thing, they just don't want to admit to it. So don't feel like anything is wrong with you or that you are less manly somehow.


I also know that you have other things that you are dealing with. Perhaps that is adding to things, making it harder to relax and live in the moment.


Finally, try not to think about the issue, as frustrating as it is. More you think about it, more it is on your mind, the more you are pressuring yourself to get over it. And that will make it more difficult to get over. Best of luck buddy.

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Please don't worry about it. When i started sleeping with my b/f, he had the same issue (for about a month) & no matter what we did, he would 'go' for hours & couldn't finish. I took it personally & whilst he said it wasn't me, as i hadn't come accross it before, i didn't know what to think. To cut a long story short, we persisted until the problem sorted itself out & haven't looked back. He didn't understand why it happened & could only put it down to the 'newness' & because he couldn't relax with the fear that it'd happen again.


I hope this helps.

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Thanks everyone...


It is strange, the girl i'm currently seeing is amazing, and I really really like her and feel completely comfortable with her. She's physically more attractive than my ex so I can't see that as a problem.


I do find myself thinking about whether I'm going to come or not when I'm in the middle of things, so next time I'm just going to try and not think about it at all.


Thanks everyone.

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