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Is this what they mean by pushing / pulling?

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Hello again everyone, hope you're all keeping well and hanging on in there.


Well, I've been posting on this forum for about a month now, and am feeling a little puzzled / bemused today


My ex and I split up two months ago - I initally felt terrible but have slowly managed to get myself out of that hole and carry on as best as possible (going out with friends, visiting relatives, new hobbies etc).


We have continued to see each other as "friends" (yes, I know, the dreaded let's be friends cliche...). I vowed to go LC after Christmas and have managed to keep this going, meeting up with him only when I feel strong enough to do so.


One thing I've noticed is that he continuously contacts me when I DON'T contact him, i.e. phone calls, e-mails etc. However, as soon as I return his calls / e-mails, he's quite slow to respond, usually taking over a week to reply.


Is this kind of behaviour typical, i.e. is this what pushing and pulling is all about? As soon as I stop contacting him on a regular basis, he starts bombarding me with calls, and then as soon as I respond he goes quiet.


Very odd...I have a lot to learn about psychology!

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A quick update: I've decided to give LC another month or so and then have a quiet word with him about things (the plan is to keep it light without over-analysing things).


After that, it'll be time to go NC and for the healing to really start....


Hmmm....the best-laid plans of mice and (wo)men often go awry...

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Many thanks Beec, will keep up the LC until such point that I decide to go NC...


LC has enabled me to heal quite a lot while also trying to keep a "foot in the door", as it were.


When the time feels right, I'll go NC, which will hopefully help me move on altogether and get him out of my system once and for all.


Thanks again.

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Hi Pikey!


Yes, to some extent it is the "pushing/pulling" thing. But also to me it is game playing more than anything. What is the point? If I were in your situation...I would stick to LC or even NC. I can't deal with people who can't stick to one thing. I think you deserve someone who is consistant and can be counted on....even as a friend. With friends like that, who needs enemies? Don't get into that line of thinking.."well I'd rather have him in my life as a friend than nothing at all..."

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i think that you should cut of contact and if he contacts you wait until as long as possible before contacting him and make out you are having a great time without him. and date other people and try and make him find out. ( thats if you want him back) i dont actually know if this works, but this is what i have read.

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It seems as if he doesnt want you to move on. He doesnt want to lose you but he also doesnt want to be with you right now. Keep moving forward with you life b/c he isnt helping you right now. If it starts hindering your progress I would do NC and cut him out of your life for a while.

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I know how you feel. This is pushing and pulling in a way, just not quite as extreme.


In the past when I did LC, I would get emails and stuff, but that eventually stopped. I later found out she didn't even consciously realize I was harder to get ahold of (even though we hadn't talked for 5 days or so). LC only works when they are contacting you on a regular basis, or so I have come to think. However, I think almost everyone needs to do something to try to make their ex want them back (LC, NC, begging, etc) before truly deciding to move on.


Right now all I can say is try to be friends with him and keep things light and funny. If things haven't changed at all during this 'month', it is time to talk with him, go NC and move on. I have a feeling you will be able to move on very well.


Goodluck and take care!

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