behappy Posted January 9, 2006 Share Posted January 9, 2006 hi everyone about one year ago a guy that worked with for 8 months who was married with a little one - and a wife that was pregnant tried to hit onto me- we were like best friends and one day i showed him after work my house - my landlords were there - as we were going to have a work function at my place- than he tried to kiss me- he all of a sudden put his mouth down my throat- and for about ten seconds it was there- than i had a delayed reaction- than he lifted my top up and he tried 2 kiss it- i was so in shock i pushed him off- than he tried to put on the bed and do stuff but i pushed him off me- i was naive- i was going thru alot of emotional stuff- i never reacted to his moves but i feel so guilty in my heart- is this my fault- the next day at work i was crying saying how could u do that to your wife- and than he said- you dont know what its like to be a guy- i cried all night for his wife kid and unborn child- this haunts me- am i guilty? AND ALSO: well around 8 years ago aswell this guy i liked- we were flirting for about two weeks and it was reaching the stage where we were going to do something- there was alot of touching and then this gal rings up for him- and i go- who was that- he goes- my girlfriend- i go- what? than he said i dont like her- she aint my gal- she thinks i am her man- i dont want a relationship= and i was so upset and so sick of men i kissed him and throughout it all i kept asking- is that your gal or not- ? i felt guilty but angry that he let me on- but all i could do when i was kissing him was think of that girl that rang up and what if it was his gal- maybe my heart is so big i just think of other gals i dont know -is that cheating pls help i am crying inside of this as i am a very loyal person...am i to blame](*,) Link to comment
contento Posted January 9, 2006 Share Posted January 9, 2006 behappy, these are other people's problems, not yours. You haven't done anything wrong, they have. They were the ones straying, not you. Link to comment
behappy Posted January 9, 2006 Author Share Posted January 9, 2006 than why do i feel like i did the cheating- contento- even after he tried that on me- i locked legs with him and i think i started to have feelings for him i think he was confusing me as i was very lonely at that time i dont know i am so confused Link to comment
contento Posted January 9, 2006 Share Posted January 9, 2006 behappy, because you knew it could have hurt someone else, however that had nothing to do with you. It was his agenda to cheat on his wife, not yours. Think about this, she would be just as disappointed to know that her husband even though of cheating on her, with anyone. If someone I was dating "wanted" to cheat on me and pursued it but didn't, that would be just as bad as doing it. Whether you did anything or not, it was his decision and the status of their relationship and problems didn't involve you. It would be another story if you aggresively went after a married man, despite him not wanting you...make sense? Link to comment
behappy Posted January 9, 2006 Author Share Posted January 9, 2006 yes but still what do you think of my other post about that guy that i kissed///any feedback on that: AND ALSO: well around 8 years ago aswell this guy i liked- we were flirting for about two weeks and it was reaching the stage where we were going to do something- there was alot of touching and then this gal rings up for him- and i go- who was that- he goes- my girlfriend- i go- what? than he said i dont like her- she aint my gal- she thinks i am her man- i dont want a relationship= and i was so upset and so sick of men i kissed him and throughout it all i kept asking- is that your gal or not- ? i felt guilty but angry that he let me on- but all i could do when i was kissing him was think of that girl that rang up and what if it was his gal- maybe my heart is so big i just think of other gals i dont know -is that cheating Link to comment
contento Posted January 9, 2006 Share Posted January 9, 2006 behappy, This is the same exact scenario. You don't even know, in this case, whether he was dating someone else or not. He told you he wasn't. If he was, is it your fault for continuing with him? Of course not, it wasn't your decision whether HE was in a relationship with someone else or not. The only way YOU could be at fault is if YOU were dating somone else and cheating on them. If he did have a girlfriend, you weren't hurting her, he was and even if he absolutely did NOTHING with you, it would still be HIM hurting her as he was the one going behind her back, not you. You have not done anything wrong. Other people's relationships aren't your problem. It's one thing to be the one to interject one, but you weren't doing that, the guy was straying from his own relationship (if he even had one!) You have nothing to feel guilty about. Link to comment
Blue Skittles Posted January 9, 2006 Share Posted January 9, 2006 Number one - you didn't do anything wrong, you didn't know, these things happen. If those boys want that kind of thing they will go out and get it from any woman, if it wasn't u it will be someone else. So like the others said, it is their problem. you were right in pushing the first guy away and in not continuing anything with the second guy. SECONDLY - and this is what I'm most concerned about, You are still feeling guilty about these things that happened 1 year ago, 8 years ago?? 8 YEARS AGO?? Girl, you gotta forgive yourself and move on - you shouldn't be worrying about that. You gotta move on and worry about what you are doing right now and let these things go. We all make mistakes in our life, and a lot worse than this, and all u can do is let it go and move on. If i'm feeling guilty about something, i go to confession and be absolved of it and don't let it happen again and then i'm feelin good. But thats just me. Maybe u have your own little ritual u can do to feel better, but you gotta let go ok? Link to comment
behappy Posted January 9, 2006 Author Share Posted January 9, 2006 contento thanks for that ...reading your words makes me stronger blue skittles thankyou very much for that i believe in confession i think i will go thanks heaps this feeling is ruining my relationship- i keep thinking - if that girl has a cheating partner than i dont deserve one either Link to comment
justlookin Posted January 9, 2006 Share Posted January 9, 2006 I would consider it cheating! Those others we're the cheaters and you we're thier victim. Link to comment
behappy Posted January 9, 2006 Author Share Posted January 9, 2006 thanks justlookin i was the victim well i sure as hell felt for the other women thats for sure Link to comment
traz Posted January 9, 2006 Share Posted January 9, 2006 Situation A: Not your fault, good on your for stopping him. Situation B: I'd call this cheating. His first response was that it was his girlfriend...so thats probably who she was. Once you expressed some concern, then he switched his story saying he didn't want her...but he STILL called her his girlfriend. After that point, you still kissed him, knowing he probably had a girlfriend. Link to comment
behappy Posted January 9, 2006 Author Share Posted January 9, 2006 any other suggestions Link to comment
behappy Posted January 9, 2006 Author Share Posted January 9, 2006 situation b- yeh i agree gosh i feel bad- so why was he flirting with me than and never mentioned her- i think part of me didnt want to believe it and i wanted to get him back i hated him Link to comment
behappy Posted January 9, 2006 Author Share Posted January 9, 2006 traz- u serious i feel like crying i have never cheated in my life- i dont really think it was cheating as part of me didnt want to believe that was his gal- i was so hurt- i think gosh i was stuffed up - i really had feelings for him though and he knew it- i feel so guilty now Link to comment
behappy Posted January 9, 2006 Author Share Posted January 9, 2006 but traz- i had been flirting with him and he with me and he never mentioned any gal- i think in my heart i felt like i was his gal and i got angry at him for that- i dont think i am really to blame here Link to comment
traz Posted January 9, 2006 Share Posted January 9, 2006 i dont really think it was cheating as part of me didnt want to believe that was his gal This is called denial My earlier post may have sounded insensitive, as I often just write posts quickly. But really, I just call it like it is...you asked if I thought it was cheating, and yes, I really do. It doesn't make you a terrible person, or anything like that. But I don't believe that you were completely innocent. You KNEW he probably had a girlfriend (whether you like that fact or not), and STILL acted on your feelings. You just have to live with that, but again, it doesn't mean you're a terrible person. I've been in your situation, I've been the other guy before, and I know what its like to let your mind fool you. You find ways, excuses, that allow you to act on your feelings, even though a part of you knows that its wrong. I KNOW what thats like, and thats why I can't suger coat this and tell you that "its ok...he's the bad guy here"...because really, you DO play a part in this. Link to comment
behappy Posted January 9, 2006 Author Share Posted January 9, 2006 maybe you are right but at the same time i have always been loyal and i am a loyal person i believe that i was so cut up about him tricking me and leading me on that i hated him and i wanted 2 get back at him- i really dont believe though deep down that i am as guilty as him -and its not denial because i was with him sortof and i had no idea about the gal- i got jealous and i hated him i aint a bad person and really deep down i dont see it as cheating- i think i was the victim Link to comment
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