First real breakup

[999]

Hi all.

I'm not quite sure how I found this forum but after reading for a while there seems to be a lot of sense talked here so I thought I'd join and share my story.

 

I had been with my GF for about 4.5 years, living together for 1.5 and we split up (mutual agreement) in November. We continued living together until last Tuesday out of convenience sake, and the fact that we didn't really want to split up meant 'one more night' syndrome was with us. Still sharing a bed and generally still behaving as a couple made the 'single but living together' time very odd, but I just wanted to spend as much time with her as possible before I couldn't any more.

 

We split because we believed we were going nowhere, and considered it better to do it now rather than a bit further down the line with kids, mortgage and marriage vows in tow. A tough decision but one I'm pretty sure was the correct one. I still have my doubts though.

 

My previous serious relationships have never ended with a split but rather more nasty circumstances which I don't think are quite relevant to this post, so I am at a bit of a loss with respect to how I should be feeling right now. To be honest I feel like my world has fallen apart, and having had to move back in with my parents after 7 years of freedom is really not helping matters.

 

Some of the time I want to get back with her-it's been particularly bad these last few days, but other times I'm trying to persuade myself that this is my opportunity to make the most of my youth. I had been feeling that I wanted to break up for some time now but I can't help feeling like I'm throwing away something good. The grass is always greener... I certainly feel I've lost my best friend in the whole world.

 

It isn't made easier by the fact that we got on even better when we split. Half of me thinks this means we are better suited as friends, while the other half thinks this was us both trying harder in the relationship, albeit pointlessly. I just feel so lonely, and don't really have many people to talk it through with as my social life kind of took a backseat because of the relationship. I want to remain friends with her because we have spent so much time together and she is an amazing person, but it may just prolong the anguish. I've got to do the best for me though and I just don't know what that is.

 

Today is the first day we haven't made contact with each other since the split. Call me stubborn, call it an experiment, but I want her to make the next contact.

 

Any advice/comments welcome!

[Bizw]

I can really understand your sitution. In the last week my girlfriend split up with me after 6 yrs I'm 24 shes 21 so its been a big part of both of our lives.

 

I had felt many times that I wanted out of the relationship but it hurts really bad now. She confused with what she wants, neither of us want eachother completely gone but remaining friends at least for now will hurt me to badly.

 

I'm hoping she loves me like I love her, and if so she'll come back and come back for good. For now I'm going to work on myself and try and heal.

Its hard for me to go a day without talking to her either, but you'll get used to it and it wont be so bad.

 

Anything can happen, If you want her back dont give up, but dont pull her back either, thats what I did and then things just get goofed up again. If you dont want her back, then just let time pass and you'll feel better and better.

 

Dont know if I helped much, but I'm in the same sitution and its the hardest thing I've dealt with. Let me know if I can help you in anyway

[SeaBisquit]

in all relationships you have to take the good with the bad. the bad is what makes you closer and stronger. you two seem to care about eah other an awful lot to be calling it quits.

[999]

Thank you both for your replies-it seems to help hearing that I'm not the only one in this situation.

 

The NC continued until about an hour ago when she sent me a message asking me if I was OK. We continued texting each other with the "Been up to much?" kind of stuff and she said she hadn't been sleeping because she finds it scary in the flat on her own. I said she could ring any time if she was scared. She's also shouldering all the bills on her own, despite my protestations, so I said if she needs any money to just ask. If it bothered her that much we could call it a loan I said.

 

At the end she said "Keep in touch x" so I replied that of course I'd keep in touch, and that I'd kept quiet to give her some space, but that it was horrible not being in contact. I'm sitting here waiting for a reply now, sadly. Either she's decided to leave it at that, she's crying or she's taking her time to reply.

 

Bizw, what you are describing sounds very similar to my situation. I hope it gets easier for you soon.

 

[EDIT] She replied

She said "I know we've done the right thing but I do miss you!"

We've arranged to hang out and watch TV later on in the week.

Are we just dragging this out?