People who are Swingers?

[krissbrown]

I am very curious about this, People aho are swingers, do they switch couples and share boyfriends and girlfriends?

 

Also do married couples who are swingers openly share other couples and happily have sex with other partners?

 

I dont know how anyone can be ok with this. I think its very weird.

[ShySoul]

 

 

A forum for swingers, maybe you can understand it if you read what they have to say. If you did a search you could probably find lots of information on it.

 

From my understanding, its people who are in committed relationships with someone they love, but they openly go out and have sex with other people. I can't understand how people can be ok with it either. In my opinion, if you are in a relationship with someone, they should be the only person you are with.

[shes2smart]

Well, there are people who do enjoy with swinging and polyamory as well as other alternative forms of sexuality that you may not understand or that don't float your boat.

 

If someone chooses to become a swinger or enter a polyamourous relationship out of a genuine desire to explore (if they're single) or a couple chooses to do this out of a shared, mutual desire to explore, and they take responsibility for their actions, are honest with all partner(s) involved & realize the risks they run (emotional, social, physical & health issues) there's no problem.

 

On the other hand, when you have a situation where partner A wants to participate in swinging, polyamory or any other "alternative" sexual activity/lifestyle and partner B is only doing it to appease partner A, they're sitting on a bomb that's going to explode....sooner rather than later.

 

This is why it is a very good idea to discuss one's expectations, fantasies, desires and so forth with one's sexual partner(s) or potential sexual partner(s). I've never been a fan of becoming emotionally & intimately involved with someone and finding out after the fact he's really into dressing up like a clown to have sex or whatever. If you can't be honest & upfront about your kinks, don't be surprised if you don't get your fetishy desires met...'least that's what I think. If you've got some out-of-the-ordinary desires, it really should be brought up sooner rather than later (once you know things are heading that way)....it's really just respectful to other person...to give them information they need to make a good decision for themselves.

 

But (once again) I've strayed from the topic a wee bit.

 

It's fine that you're not ok with swinging, polyamory, dressing up like a clown or whatever. Everyone's wired a little differently when it comes to expressing their sexuality. If that's not something you want to do, then don't do it.

[ShySoul]

shes2smart - Dressing up like a clown? That's just distrubing and wrong.

 

Problem I've seen is that even if you are upfront about it things can still go wrong. It's like posts people make on having a threesome. Both sides want it and are open to it. But one person doesn't enjoy it like they thought and the other person does. That creates problems even when everyone was happy with the initial arrangement. While you should be honest and open about these things, I think anytime you let someone else into the picture, its tempting fate and inviting trouble.

[shes2smart]

While you should be honest and open about these things, I think anytime you let someone else into the picture, its tempting fate and inviting trouble.

 

This is just one of the calculated risks one runs when entering into such an arrangement or relationship. Responsible folk will discuss this before one piece of clothing ever comes off..."how are we going to handle it if jealousy/emotions/physical illness/whatever happens after the fact?"

 

For some people the risk is going to be too great to bother experimenting. For others, the reward they feel they get is worth the risk.

 

I would NEVER do any of the following: skydive, bungee jump, ski, snowboard, and so forth. The risk of injury is not worth the "reward" of partaking in such activities....for me. Now, there are plenty of people who love to do those things, and accept that risk of injury willingly. More power to 'em...I'll visit ya in the hospital when you take that bad spill.

 

On the flip side, I've broken several bones in equestrian accidents, but I'll still get on horseback when the opportunity arises. The reward of that activity is worth the risk for me. Some people think I'm crazy to still ride, but that's my choice, and I accept that something could go wrong and I'll be wearing a cast or undergoing surgery to fix it....again.

 

Obviously, when it comes to swinging, polyamory and so forth it gets more complex (the more people you get involved, the more complex it gets), but it's the same basic principle of risk vs. reward. Problem is the lack of thinking it through with one's brain. It's sexual, so people get their nether regions engaged before their brain. Big mistake.

 

As for dressing up as a clown, it was the most ridiculous sounding fetish I could come up with on the spur-of-the-moment. And even though it was said with a chuckle, I also know that somewhere, someone probably DOES have that fetish. I've been hanging around the BDSM community long enough to know that just about everything is a sexual fetish for someone, somewhere.

[quietgrl]

I did some research on swinging and i met some really nice people.I thought the swinger would make fun of me being a virgin and asking about sex.Most of the swinger respected my decide to wait.I was very surprised.

[shes2smart]

I did some research on swinging and i met some really nice people.I thought the swinger would make fun of me being a virgin and asking about sex.Most of the swinger respected my decide to wait.I was very surprised.

 

What I've found to be true about many folks who practice "alternative" forms of sexuality is they tend to have a "hey, if that's what works for you, that's cool" attitude toward how others choose to handle that area of their lives. Generally they just look for the same level of tolerance in return.

[quietgrl]

I know the BDSM and swinger community that i talk too most of the members were friendly to me.

[rocio]

I don't think it's in our human nature to be monogamous. It can be done, but it doesn't necessarily come naturally. So if you have to get around, I guess it's better to do so openly than to be lying, deceiving and engaging in risky behavior without your partner's knowledge.

[quietgrl]

I think people can't be verbal intimate monogamous but sexual yes.The only reason why people can't be sexual monogamous.Some people are sexual greedy or their partner can't give them what they need sexually.

[shes2smart]

I don't think it's in our human nature to be monogamous.

 

Perhaps not. But the ability to make a conscious choice (in this case to be monogamous) and stick to that decision is in our human nature. That's what separates us from the animals.

[quietgrl]

shes2smart,

 

I hope you don't mind my BDSM question but are you a top or bottom? I was alway interested in Femdom

[shes2smart]

Primarily submissive, married to my Dominant/Master (yeah, yeah, I know there are folks who make distinctions between submissive/slave/bottom and dominant/master/top...but I tend to use them interchangably...always have), but can and have switched on infrequent occasions based on circumstances/opportunity. We are sexually monogamous, but every once in a while include folks we know in casual play at parties...which makes it more of a social activity than a sexual activity.

[quietgrl]

Wow ! Did you and your husband beome involved in BDSM before or after marriage?

[joiseygrl]

I have been involved in a polyamorous relationship for the past 8 months. If you had asked me a year ago if I would get involved in this kind of situation I'd have told you to go jump off a bridge. But I have to say, it's been the most amazing experience I've ever had. I used to be a jealous person, but there is no room for jealously in this kind of relationship. I have grown as a person from being involved with this other couple.

 

I am the "secondary" relationship in our little group. It works for the three of us and we're all happy with our situation. I have all of my needs fulfilled, both sexual and emotional without the "hassles" that most relationships have. I am friendly with his "first wife" and we hang out sometimes without him. Most of my friends say it's too strange, but they see that I'm happy so they keep their judgments to themselves. I know this kind of thing isn't for everyone but I am having a fantastic experience with it.

[shes2smart]

Wow ! Did you and your husband beome involved in BDSM before or after marriage?

 

I discovered my kink several years before I met him.

 

He'd had an interest since his teens, but no willing/interested partner. His first wife sort of played along with his interests til they got married, then she wasn't interested anymore. They got divorced because he caught her cheating on him. When he started dating again, he was pretty much limiting his dating to women who were aware they were kinky.

 

I had my last 'nilla relationship in 1998. At that point, I knew that wasn't what I wanted and I knew it wasn't going to work for me, so I purposely kept my romantic interests/adventures limited to folks I met through the kink community (both online in real life).

 

He ran into me on a BDSM website. It was not a dating site (although some use it as such, I wasn't), the site had message boards like here....sort of an "enotalone" for the kinky crowd. He found a nearly empty profile of mine (all it had was my age, gender, marital status, general geographic location and my yahoo messenger ID) and he IM'ed me on yahoo. We chatted online and on the phone for a few weeks, then went on a date. He proposed a week after that and we got married less than a year after that.

 

That all happened about 5 years ago (been married 4.5 years of that). Best thing that happened to either one of us.

[quietgrl]

Lucky!!! I wish i could find a submissive man out of the blue but most men are afraid of my domme fantasy. I never thought about being submissive myself until i met a male friend 3 years ago.He's not into BDSM but he's a dom and i'm dom .Ilove the sexual tension we had during our email role play.

[quietgrl]

Man i wish i could be in a polyamorous relaltionship with 2 of my male friends but none of the men like to share.I love the relationship Hugh hufner has with his 3 girlfriends.It's not all about sex.It's also about the verbal intimacy.

[shes2smart]

Lucky!!! I wish i could find a submissive man out of the blue but most men are afraid of my domme fantasy. I never thought about being submissive myself until i met a male friend 3 years ago.He's not into BDSM but he's a dom and i'm dom .Ilove the sexual tension we had during our email role play.

 

Somebody who is already aware they are kinky probably isn't going to find your Domme desires scary. Submissive men are by far the largest percentage of the population of the out & public kink community. It's not hard to find one. Dominant women are the smallest percentage of the out & public kink community. Now, finding one who you are compatible with and who is looking for the same things you are may be another story.

 

Unless you are living in a very small town or rural area, I'm fairly confident that there's a real time BDSM support/social group that meets on a regular basis in the general geographic area where you live. You might want to try doing a search online and getting information on a munch* in your area. (*munch - a casual gathering, generally in a party room in a local restaurant where you have a meal and conversation with kinky folks. It can be an unstructured conversation or a moderated discussion or a guest speaker followed by audience Q&A, depending on what the individual group's leaders like)

 

I have seen some of your other posts on different topics. If you are truly interested in purusing the idea of being a Domme (and btw, there are Dommes who DO NOT have sex with their male submissives but play with them nonetheless), you might find it beneficial to meet some like-minded people in your general geographic area f2f.

 

If you're looking for potential relationship interests in "normal" mainstream society, and you want something kinky/fetishy, it will be like looking for a needle in a haystack. If you limit your search area to folks who are aware and open that kinky/fetishy is what they want, then you don't have to have the awkward conversation about "look, I'd really like to smack you around a bit in a happy, fun kind of way...but I'm not a psychopath..." You're already on the same page and that makes the search process less awkward and cumbersome.

 

That's a big part of the reason I stopped dating vanilla when I figured out I was kinky. If you and a person of interest are both at a munch, there's a much better chance that you might both be after the same thing than, say, a random person on the street or at a bar or whatever.

 

Now, it did take a while to find someone who had similar relationship goals as mine within the context of kinkland...but I don't think it would've come together as well had I been looking outside of the population of self-identified kinky folk.

[quietgrl]

shes2smart,

 

I live near the kinkiest city in the USA San Francisco so I have plenty of places to go. .

shes2smart that's what drew me into Femdom even more the relationship isn't base on vaginal sex. and yes you're right.It's hard finding the right man.