Money troubles... my gf loves to spend... i don't

[pizzachick13]

Ok, just today is a good example of how my gf loves to spend her money A LOT. Today she called up some people to get satellite TV even after I said that we couldn't afford it. (We're renting and she only has a job, I don't.) She said that we could, even though her phone bill is over $1500 and she has more bills coming in for her car, electricity, gas, etc etc.

 

I don't know how we're going to afford everything. I'm paying full rent for a while until her bills are under control and I'm trying to get a job but I don't know that I'm going to get one as I'm under 18 and I haven't got much experience.

 

How can I get her to see that we can't afford every little "want" that she has?

[Boughtandpaidfor]

In my experience, you can't. It comes from personal realisation- it's not something you can tell someone and convince them of if they're not interested. And it's fairly common at your age I think.

 

Be aware you're filling the role of responsible parent in the relationship which means she's able to spend as she likes. The more you complain you happier your partner will be because she can always say "you're being boring- you have to live life and you worry too much!" Of course the truth is somewhere in between, and everyone need to realise that through trial and error. But a relationship where one person spends and the other complains is a false balance. It's unhealthy.

 

My sensible advice- let her spend her money but keep onto yours with your life (and of course as subtly as you can or its going to cause problems). That can be as simple as sitting her down and explaining how you feel. The key there is not to blame her when you're talking (don't say "you spend too much money", instead try saying "I feel uncomfortable about all this money we're spending"). It can turn into an argument so fast. But you're responsible for your money and you're not responsible for hers- even if she's the only one earning- there's nothing but trouble to be gained from moaning about it. Just let it happen and it could get better real quick.

 

My crazy tai chi advice- spend all your money- go spendcrazy with her and when there's nothing left she might become more responsible. And then you can start again.

[StarBrite]

Hi hun, I have got to applaude you for how mature you're being right now. Especially with thinking everything through, thats just wonderful so keep up the good work. As for my advice, I'd start with a piece of paper. Write down at the top how much she brings in a month. Now subtract each bill or cost one by one and see how much you're left with. This isn't really to show her she can afford the new stuff, but give her a dose of reality. Don't forget the simple things all the way down to groceries and TP. Maybe she'll start to realize how much is actually being spent if she can really see it concrete on paper. I know I've had to do this with my boyfriend a couple times. Keep us updated on how things go.

[darkblue]

Write out a budget.

Income vs expenditure - and SHOW her what you have, and why she cannot simply buy what she wants, whenever she wants.