Short hair

[Akira]

On my 18th birthday I had my long hair cut off for a stylishly short hair-do. I was quite happy with the result and received a lot of compliments, however now there are suspicions that I am gay because of it. I'm not too sure of my sexuality - I feel that I'm attracted to both genders, but I haven't really been intimately close with anyone before so I don't like to label myself as anything, and I especially don't like to be labelled by anyone else.

 

Anyway, I've noticed that the guys I sometimes associate with are acting strangely around me and it's upsetting. Just last night I had to continuously tell this drunk guy to stop calling me a lesbian, dyk-e (censored), gay... it was in front of others and I just felt so embarrassed. I was practically pleading with him to stop. I felt really hurt and alienated. I thought 'is it how I'm acting, or is it just based on my bloody hair??'

 

I can't stand stereotypes or any of the dreaded "isms"/phobias and it just hurts to be categorised. I'm generally a quiet person, unless I'm with people I know well, and I try to be as polite and warm as possible, so to have certain individuals dismiss you rudely can really hurt (I do have some problems with self-esteem).

 

I just wish that society wasn't programmed to assume that short hair + no boyfriend = lesbian. Someone's sexuality is an extremely personal and cherished characteristic of who they are - it means so much more than a hairstyle/style of dressing. It just upsets me deeply to be labelled anything...it makes me awfully self-conscious and around the company of guys leads me to believe that I'm "unfeminine" or "unapproachable" (I'm not talking about gay people here, I'm talking about my feelings towards myself - just to make it clear!). It's just...draining my confidence and creating this longing for my old hairstyle. Ok, well, I've ranted on for long enough!

 

Thank you for reading

[pizzachick13]

It sounds like the people around you have really pigeon-holed you. Don't worry, a lot of people have this problem. Society has specific stereotypes for gays/lesbians etc and it seems as though you've fallen into the category of lesbian.

 

I would just not let it get to you and be who you are. If the people around you have such a hard time dealing with just a new hairstyle, then they're the ones with the problem.

 

Don't change yourself for them.

[krissbrown]

Hi , well unfortunately people stereotype others, but these people who are directly calling you names need to be told off as soon as their doing it to you or they wont stop. Anyone who calls you names and insults you in fron others has no morals and no respect for you. Next time that happens, ask him "Are you making fun of me?" and ask him why? Then tell him you dont like the way hes talking to you if he continues and if he continues walk away. Dont let someone make fun of you in front of other people.

 

As for your hair, One of my friends had long hair down to her butt, it was all layered and looked cool like rock star hair. I always envied it. So last time we got together and I saw her and she had cut all her hair off, it was so short. I was really surprised. I think some girls look really good with short hair and some don't. I just told her I was surprised and it looks so different. I wouldn't embarrass her, but I did think maybe something else was behind the short haircut..

[Jinx]

or is it just based on my bloody hair??

Stereotypes run deep in society. Short hair is one of them because most people assume it just looks more masculine, long hair is more feminine.

 

Like to trade problems? According to society's stereotype then I am feminine. I'm not about to give up my hair, but then again it seems like if you don't have the hair and everything to fit the stereotype no one wants to bother with you unless you're out entirely.

 

People can be extremely narrow minded. If everyone who had short hair was lesbian, and every woman who had long hair was straight we'd have the most unbalanced society, unfortunately most people don't seem unable to understand this.

 

Nonetheless, this is a huge problem with the tags and slurs. It doesn't just affect us here in the GLBT community, but also straight individuals whom appear the slightest bit near a stereotype, they also get the red mark and label, which isn't pleasant by any means.

[FoxLocke]

I just wish that society wasn't programmed to assume that short hair + no boyfriend = lesbian.

 

Totally agree. In the environment that I grew up in(and it is still that way today) if a female has a short hair cut and isn't married(with children)by the time she is in her late 20's and early 30's then she is automatically labeled a lesbian...For a girl to even WANT to cut her hair in my family is looked at in disdain, simply because the bible frowns on it(I don't know what scripture and I'm not even sure it's in there)...

 

What I'm trying to say is that Western Culture has been so thoroughly entrenched in these archaic stereotypes about the genders. I don't know what else to tell you except to say that the people you are dealing with are very ignorant. And don't allow yourself to be influenced by their OPINIONS of you...

 

All throughout highschool and Junior High people called me gay(as an insult)all the time...and "gay" was one of the nicer terminologies. However, I made it a point to figure out if I was gay on my own NOT because they said so...

Be true to yourself. I know that right now people's opinions of you will matter, but as you get more confident it will just roll off your back like water off a duck's feathers. (smile)

[Jinx]

In the environment that I grew up in(and it is still that way today) if a female has a short hair cut and isn't married(with children)by the time she is in her late 20's and early 30's then she is automatically labeled a lesbian...For a girl to even WANT to cut her hair in my family is looked at in disdain, simply because the bible frowns on it(I don't know what scripture and I'm not even sure it's in there)...

 

Same here on what FoxLocke has described. My family is a duplicate to that. Mine likewise, if you don't have a family and married by x and x age range you're probably a lesbian. If your hair is the improper length, you're a lesbian. Along with a thousand other standards which even a deal of straight women have and would never consider themselves Lesbians.

 

Right now, despite hair or no hair situation, they're pushing that I find a nice young man and settle down (even though I'm in College here eventually wanting to obtain a PhD) and they're becoming what I believe might be suspicious because I haven't had a boyfriend for awhile now. They feel safe if they have all their daughters married off as though it is some type of Insurance blocking us from "becoming" Lesbians. Unfortunately, as I've mentioned in other posts regarding my parents, according to their views on GLBT individuals, the Lesbian Recruiters have been out my way and I've been taken captive.

 

As FoxLocke stated, as with my family they look down upon women cutting their hair in any shape or form, until a certain age then its a tad bit of a double standard because after a certain age it is no longer considered attractive to keep your hair long even if it has been that way for years.

 

I've joked before with my family about cutting my hair, and you know that is one of their disownment possibilities because they believe as stereotype states - It sends the wrong message - Up until I'm married and in my 40's or so when they believe the man of the house has a duty to tell his wife to get her hair cut and dealt with properly.

 

To be honest I haven't a clue where in the Bible it makes the cutting statement but my family makes the same statement too, so either its one rumor type that isn't in there, or else it is indeed one of a thousand lines they prefer to enforce for their own personal preferances.

[Tigris]

It didn't matter if my hair was long or short when I was growing up, everyone assumed I was a Lesbian by the way I dressed! I just wanted to be me and dress comfortably.

 

If people saw me by myself they labelled me. It was only when they were introduced to my husbands that they realised they were wrong.

 

It's only in the last few months I've realised I'm a Lesbian!