No relationships//Bad HS experience

[hateimports]

I have been reading these forums for a while and there are a lot of nice people here with some great posts. I don't exactly know what it is that I want answered here, but I have trouble getting girlfriends and would appreciate some advice or anyone else's past experiences if they are similar in some way.

 

 

 

I am 17 years old, have a great job (own business), drive a nice car (which I bought) and all that. I have a lot of great friends, most people like me as friend. I am a nice guy and always try to be. However, I tend to be a little more baggy than I should be for my age. I am 6'1 and 173 lbs. I have a decently fat stomach and I suck it in 24/7 when I am around my friends and at school. Because of this I am extremely unconfident and it's probably obvious, no matter how much I try not to be.

 

My problem is that I do not know how to flirt with girls. Nothing comes natural to me. I also have trouble with facial expressions, and tend to not display any myself, which i have to work on manually. It is hard to explain. It is because I supposedly have "asperger tendencies, but very slightly". Every day I see all my friends getting girls left and right, because they are skinny and ripped. None of the girls really go out of their ways to talk to me, probably because I am a little bit too fat. I am at the point now where I really want a girlfriend. Everyone asks me at family events (which I hate, and always go up to my room, because my dad is such a jerkoff and embarrasses me sometimes) if i have a girlfriend and when I say no, they say Why Not? I don't have an answer. At least they don't think I am gay. I have nude posters on my wall. My mom didnt like that, but I said just be happy you don't have a gay son. She never said a word after that.

 

I am very depressed. I dont act like it at school but once I get in my car to go home it hits me hard. Every street you turn on there are couples hand in hand, necking etc. This hurts me the most. I always wonder what it must be like to be "normal" like that and get to enjoy all those things. And most people dont think a thing of it, either. They take it for granted. Also there are a lot of jerks that get girls too. Girls always seem to go for the * * * holes, that want sex and nothing else from them, then throw them away. This infuriates me, because I know deep down I would never do that.

 

I have been at alternative schools my whole life and am finally at one I really like. You get to go out to lunch in your car with friends, drive to school etc. Nobody says a word to you about coming to class (although I always go) and you get to choose what you want to do.

 

Half of this could be due to the environment I grew up in. I can't tell you most of it, because I dont want to bore you. But I am in a very high stress, controlling family. My dad is a total money * * * * *. He only cares about himself. Treats my mom like crap, has her cook for him all the time and never asks her if she needs money. He drives a $100,000 car, but he * * * * *es when I spend a few dollars here and there. "You dont need that, etc". I am always depressed at home. I wouldnt EVER want to bring a date home to my house.

 

I am at a whit's end here. I dont know what to do, what to say to girls. Have no clue how to tell a girl that I like her. Also I dont want to spoil a good friendship. I have so much affection to give. All i want is a girlfriend anymore, that is all i think about. I wish I could cuddle, hold hands and do all of that good stuff that everyone else seems to get. I just feel so empty and lonely now. One time last month I sat in my car all day and stared at the driveway not thinking about anything. 5 hours went by and it felt like 15 minutes. This is how I know I am going to have serious problems soon.

 

If you have even read this far, thank you and I really appreciate it.

[rosstheboss]

hi

i know how you feel!

 

people have probably told you this before but you're still young! i didnt get my first proper gf till i was 19.

i too started work at 17 but i was out of school and it was full time so because of that i didnt go out during the week. you say youre still at school so youve got plenty of people to see and meet.

 

I think your problem is youre dwelling on the fact that you are single that and your weight. you say you dont act it in school but believe me i thought i could cover depression but people know.

try joining a gym or working out, you arent very over weight.

 

take things slow, you are young, try to get more confidence in yourself by working out and stop telling yourself youre depressed. also you don't NEED a gf, they are just nice to have!

[shelbymustang_fan]

Hello, Mr. hateimports. This situation is exactly like me. I am a nice person, motivated (also own business, and new truck which I bought). I even think I look decent (5-10", 135lbs.). But I suck with women too.

 

During high school, I was simply working too much to be in a relationship. I had a nearly full time job, and worked about forty hours per week in my own business, and went to school. Well, this was my excuse anyway. I am now realizing that the above was just an excuse for me not having a girlfriend, or attempting to get one. Although the info about my jobs and school is true, but is not a good excuse. I'll Explain! ! ! I always found time to go out with friends, Always found time to help friends, and always found time for whatever else I wanted to do. So I'm sure I could have made the time for a relationship.

 

Anyhoo, I am now 20 years old, attend a community college, and yes I am still single. It really sucks!!! I know your feeling. It hurts to simply go shopping and seing people holding hands having a merry time. Friday nights, holidays, and especially weddings can hit me really hard. Sometimes I just want to cry. So now I am trying to work on my game, and trust me, it takes time.

 

So Here's some advice: Put yourself out there. If you're in college, don't go home after classes. You could go to the cafeteria and sit at a table reading a paper. If you see someone interesting, try to make eye contact and hold it for several seconds, and do this several times, also smile while you are looking. Now comes the hard part (which I havent been able to attempt yet) Go over and talk to her.

 

Or: Start going to sports events, even if you're not interested in the sport. If you want "new scenery" go to an away game and look for possibilities there. When you find one, remember Eye Contact and Smile. These two things should increase the odds.

 

If you freeze everytime you meet women, take small steps. Say HI to strangers as stand in the fast food line. Then you can try to ask Hi, How are you. And so on.

 

( I guess I better start trying these things myself.)

[Jinx]

At your age people can be narrow minded to say the least when it comes to dating. Especially depending on your locations, some seem to have it worst than others I've found out over the years. From what you've described it seems like that is the case here, they're going for physical not emotional.

 

I think the first idea you may consider is quit sucking in your stomach as you've made a note of. Nothing will ruin your self esteem faster than having to think, "Girl. Suck in. Talk." the train of thought needs to be more like, "Girl. Talk." From what I've noticed over the years men can be Overweight, Unattractive, or anything in the general field and still find someone if they are confident, approachable, social and sort of a happy medium of social skills. As I'll tell anyone, better your social skills are, more people will approach you despite the looks you believe are holding you down.

 

And the only way you can do this is by, getting out there and talking with people. As you've mentioned, working on facial expressions may be helpful. Learning which expression fits what feeling, mirrors can be wonderful for this purpose as can friends and family which you care to speak with. You don't even need the flirting, you just talk and instead of being straight faced, experiment. May take awhile to get it down pat but it'll work out.

 

Flirting can be difficult at times but a majority of it is being able to keep a conversation flowing and in the middle reading the body language of the person of interest, and learn about him and her. You'll want to express about yourself but when it comes to car and business I'd be careful because one of two things can happen in the negative sense - Woman who smells money, or woman who frets being bored to tears upon hearing about the business. I believe if it can casually be added in short and sweet like that is always a nice factor, a male who can support himself and is independent. One key is being confident, forget your weight and similar things that you dislike about yourself. Think positive, and approach women. Not one but those which you can in a gradual manner. Socialize and you'll find those eventually that will give off signs of interest.

 

If attraction was all based strictly on physical aspects, half of the world you know would be without a partner of any sort. Period.

 

- Covers a good deal of the general basics. Googling Flirting and Women (in a more complex context, just looking up - women - can bring up everything that you aren't looking for) can bring up a wealth of sources on this topic and covers all that you'll want to look for.

[vegas_midnight]

I know how you feel to, but for a girl. For awhile I did the whole internet dating. I know it's not the same but being able to talk to someone, tell them exactly how I'm feeling and have them be there for me, feeling loved really helped me through school and that point of my life. But it was really hard not being with him and we 'broke up'. When I was almost 18 (i'm 18 now)I met an older guy through a friend. He was my first 'real'(and so far only) boyfriend and my first kiss. Trust me I know what you're going through. When the right time comes, you will find someone, or someone will find you. It just takes time, maybe a lot of time, but it will happen.