dating someone who says they won't commit to a serious relationship

[SeaBisquit]

hello, i just started dating this guy a few month ago and he's already stated a few times that he taken things really slow and he's not into getting to serious. i like the guy alot but don't want to get hurt down the road. so i'm wondering it i should bail out early. before i get hurt. or do guys usually say these things when their starting a new relationship?

[novaseeker]

Eh ... if he is saying that it means he just wants to date for a bit. It's possible that he may change his mind down the road, but it's also possible he may not. It depends on what you want ... do you want a serious relationship? If you do, then you may find yourself waiting for him to change his mind as you keep dating him.

[rosstheboss]

if you decide to stay with him, do not push him. give him space if he wants it. he may change his mind further on

[PrincessLinzay]

It's hard to say this early. A lot of people say initially that they aren't looking for anything serious, but a lot of relationships start out this way.

 

It's really a matter of whether or not you think he's worth the risk. If you leave now, you might regret it later.

[ocrob]

I think that it is great he is being honest with you. There are guys out there that will say anything just to have sex with you. He could be a really good guy. I don't know if he is an honest person, but if he is, then take it slow and see where things go. Just make sure that you don't give too much to the relationship until he is ready to commit. In other words, don't push for a commitment and don't give him sex. Unless, you are ok with casual sex, then do it. He may just be scared of being hurt or had a bad experience. If he ends up really liking you, then he will want a commitment because he will not want you seeing other guys. Until that happens, keep your options open and let him know you will date other guys. It is a lot easier for a woman to date, then a man. Well, that is my opinion.

[SeaBisquit]

so should i ask him how he feels about me dating other guys?

[esboogie143]

omg!! I just went through the SAME situation!!! He told me the same thing and to tell u the truth I still stayed in it knowing exxactly from the beginning how he felt and how he wasnt looking for a relationship and girl let me tell you I got hurt at the end b/c he didnt want to continue with me cuz things were getting to serious we were acting like a couple and to tell u the truth he cut the whole thing off he didnt want to hurt me cuz he said I was to good of a girl and I didnt deserve to be in this type of situation. On that note like I always say to each his own but please pull away little by little and it may be easier for you...I didnt and got hurt though he was a good guy and I do respect him for being honest from the start....

[darkblue]

Did he actually say he didn't want to commit, or that he wants to take things slow?

[SeaBisquit]

he said that he was taken things slow and that he would never get married again.

[diamondprincess]

well if he said that that most likely means he just got out of the relationship or he was badly hurt in a previous relationship, which would mean that he needs time to recover before starting something new. if i were you i would take that as a hint and hold back for a bit

[diamondprincess]

he said that he was taken things slow and that he would never get married again.

 

have you seen the episode on sex and the city, where mr. big says that to carrie...she ends up breaking up with him because he just cant commit to her, yet she continues going back to him in hope of things to change...some things do change...and in the end they end up together! so there is hope

[darkblue]

That doens't mean he doesn't want to commit.

[Mun]

Why did he get divorced or is he a widower? ...that might give you some good information as to why he doesn't want to get married again... and if he will ever really marry again.

 

Go slow and don't have sex with him--unless you don't mind a casual relationship-- if he wants sex he should know you expect an "exclusive" committment.

[Mjane]

Please don't get sucked into a fantasy like oh, once he gets to know me, he'll want a relationship. That's the hollywood version and we live in real life!!

In my experience, when a guy tells you something negative about himself, BELIEVE HIM, because that's exactly how he feels at that time. Yes, he may change his mind. But it could take years and years and years.

If you want a serious relationship or anything with a shred of comitment at some point, move on.

It's great that he's been honest with you. I say this guy is being genuine because a lot of guys feel the same way, but won't say anything until you are already hooked on him.

[piegirl]

My current BF told me in the beginning that he a problem with commitment. I decided that he was a good guy and worth risk. We are now seriously involved and commited to each other. He is getting to know my children and wanting to become a family with us.

 

I think that it could work out either way. It all depends on the people involved. I agree that you should be careful and not let yourself get to emotionally involved.

 

In my case it has worked out for the best. Good luck to you.

[RayKay]

It could go either way....if he says he just wants to take things slow, that does not mean it WON'T get more serious or involved as time goes on, just right now he does not want to rush. Are you two exclusive?

 

On the other hand, it could. It could also mean that you FEEL it is getting more serious and he does seem to be going that, only to find out later he does not feel that way at all, wants to end things or get some distance and reminds you "but I TOLD you I did not want anything serious!". Been there, done that

 

I would however not dismiss his comments on not wanting to get married again. I think he is probably saying there he really doesn't - at least not now, or to you. If you DO want marriage, I would advise you don't stay with this guy hoping his mind will change. If marriage is important to you, I would make sure you don't sacrifice that to stay with him, unless you really CAN feel okay not getting married.

[Msnak]

I think that a lot of guys and some gals start off saying they don't want to get too serious.

 

Then, the RIGHT someone can change them.

 

But before that happens, a lot of WRONG someones might get hurt along the way.

 

If you want to get married someday, it might be wise to skip the dates who don't see marriage in their future.