should I end the 4 year relationship?

[brittanyalysson]

Hey this is my first post here...i've been reading a lot on this site and realized that there are some pretty insightfull information. Now its my turn to get some help. Heres the story.

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years and a little, Im 19 now and we started dating at 15. I love him a lot and our future has always been marriage. But now im starting to second guess that. He was my first seriouse relationship, and leaving him will kill me. BUT i'm really unsure now. I feel as if I might be missing out on something. At my age these years are the 'social years' as in the years where i should be out meeting new people. When i'm with him I don't want to break up, but when im not with him I do. I don't know what to do. Its really confussing and I need help, so if anyone has been through this then let me know what you did and how you delt with it.

 

Thank You!

[Jessy]

Hey Brittany, I know exactly how you feel. In more than one relationship prior to the amazing one I'm in now, I felth the same way, and said that same thing.

When i'm with him I don't want to break up, but when im not with him I do.

That right there is the tell-all. If you feel like you want to get back out there, and meet new people, it's best to do that. I don't want to sound too blunt, but if you were in love with him, you'd want to be with him even when you weren't together. Trust me on this one... it's not the relationship, or the person you're into while you're together, it's the fact that you're together. You get used to being with someone, and feeling the same way... and you don't want it to change. It's a sort of security. But don't worry about it, think of it this way: If you were to go out tonight and meet the cutest, nicest, most amazing guy you've ever layed your eyes on... and he wanted you as well, would you go for it?

My advice to you is if you are interested in what else is out there, and you feel you might miss something, go for it. Tell him how you feel, and maybe you won't even have to break up. He may understand how you're feeling, and allow you to be more free to try things. He also may be feeling the same way. Getting advice from others is fine, but always follow your own heart.

[xmrth]

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[brittanyalysson]

when we hang out nothing is fun anymore, and its as if the spark is gone.

[xmrth]

It used to be like that for us, too... I would get so bored and take him for granted.

 

It didn't stop until I realized I wanted to stay. I think because I no longer took what I had for granted.

 

Maybe its even the things you two do-- same old same...? There's lots of ways around that if that's the case~ you can PM me if you want... because you sound a lot like I did..

[brittanyalysson]

Yea it would be nice to talk more in deapth, im not sure how to pm you tho. Im new to this fourm.

[xmrth]

You just click on the username and it has a drop-down menu where you are able to send a private message.

 

I just tried to send you one, but it says you have your preferences so you can't receive or send... you can set it up at the top bar where it says "User CP" and you change your preferences in the side column.

[Beec]

I think you should try to work on being a little more independent when not with him. You both should have lives outside each other. Develop as an interest something you like and he does not, and encourage him to do the same. Then if that helps, try to develop something to do together.

[brittanyalysson]

under the user CP, how do i make it so i can't allow pm's?

[Beec]

If you click "edit options" in the left hand column, after clicking on "User CP", you will get a new screen. Scroll down and lcik on whether you want to allow pm's.

[Relationship Coach]

Britt,

How would you feel right now if he left you? Would you be crushed? Would you want him back or go explore the very world that is passing you by? Answer these questions and you will know what to do.

 

I think between 15 and 21 we are learning more about ourselves and what we want in life rather than about another person and if they are the "one". Without a sampling, how do you know which wine is the best?

 

Marriage is a huge commitment and second guessing your feelings is a sign that more than a few sparks are missing. I can't tell you what to feel or what to do but I can suggest that first and foremost you need to be honest with your bf and with yourself.

 

You need to decide if you will wonder what "if" for the rest of your life and someday resent him because of it or should you roll the dice and see what you're missing. Tough call.

[brittanyalysson]

its a very difficult thing...he does know whats going on, he said that we should just try and fix things. I suggested a break to him but he said for him its either black or white no grey.He said a break is just going to leave him hanging and he doesnt want that. He knows whats going on but he's willing to try and fix it. The thing is im not sure if i want it fixed, and if there is anything to fix.

[Relationship Coach]

Then you have answered your own question. End the relationship and go forward without looking back. As long as he is a black or white guy fine but emotions may make him grey, have to wait and see on that.

[ocrob]

Sounds like you are in a very challenging situation. I personally would not want to be in his shoes, but see both sides. If you read the ex relationship forum, then you will see that people do not get over their ex's that fast. If you are honest and caring, then he will just have to deal. Maybe you can suggest taking a two month break and see where it goes. He may say: then it is over, but he will still want to be with you. He is afraid of losing you for good and you have to also realize that he may find someone during this time as well. But, if you both go out into the world and realize how much you love each other, then things could be so much better for you. It's hard to realize your life with out someone till they are out of it. At first you may love dating, but after awhile you may realize that there is nobody else for you. Just don't fall into the trap of the early excitement of dating someone. I have so many female friends that meet guys and think they are the one with in a month and then realize after some time that they are not. Good luck.

[brittanyalysson]

im still not 100% sure as to whats going to happen. Suggesting a two or three month break sounds good, but im telling myself that im not going to do anything without being completely sure about it.