Help with ideas to spice up sex drive:)

[Lilu]

Thanks everyone!

[StarBrite]

Somehow I get the impression that this isn't really a sex problem. To me it sounds like you too need to get a better communication going. Since you sense there's a problem in his past that he needs to overcome, theres no way having a better sex life is ever going to fix that. You too have to talk about things instead of pushing them under the table and thinking it'll just pan out in the end. This also applies to your shyness. He needs to realize that perhaps you're not ready for that type of "hardcore" or whatever relationship.

 

I really do believe if you start having more conversation and getting the gist of whats really going on inside one another, the better sex life will follow naturally. You've only been together 4 months, theres still alot to talk about and getting to know one another. Good Luck.

[poke]

I do agree with StarBrite... improved communication will help generally. The thing to be aware of is that sex can mask other issues. I know that I have used sex as a fix for things in the past, and it might help initially, but long term it doesn't work.

 

If you satisfied that its not covering up issues, then maybe you could do something like talk to him... write down on scraps of paper things that you like or think you might like during sex... then every now and then... once a week maybe, read one of the things your partner wrote, and work out how to make it happen. Don't try them all at once, as that can be a bit over the top. Just add something each time, not prompted at that exact moment, but something that you plan for a while before. That way, its not a surprise to you, and you can prepare in your mind how you want to go about it.

 

Plus, you can always just try something... then ask him... do you like that. If you don't get a ooooohhhh yeeeeaaaahhh!!! then maybe try something different

 

Have fun!!!

[Derek]

I wonder about your confidence with yourself.

You don't have to be a sex goddess/vixen right away.

Be yourself but with a little flair.

 

Even if you do a little thing, perhaps just wearing a hat (ball cap even) or wearing knee high socks, and perhaps acting out a role a bit. (maid/doctor/schoolgirl)

Or just leaving on your knee boots, or leaving on some gloves.

Deliberatly wearing a wet white t-shirt. Wearing his dress shirt, only.

Wearing nothing but a raincoat and his hat to start with. Whatever.

 

You don't need to compare yourself to some fantasy woman ideal.

 

I think he'll appreciate that you are even trying. Like if he gave you a card or some roses and sure it wasn't the perfect romantic gesture but at least he was trying? You'd appreciate that he was trying to go outside his comfort zone for you right?

 

The more interesting problem is it sounds like he's not giving you the affection and attention you would like outside the bedroom, so you are not as motivated to please him in the bedroom, yet feel guilty about your own feelings because of the cancer deaths. Classic guy-girl problem, with the added element of the parents death.

 

Though you might offer a temporary solace, only he can heal himself from his past. It's not your problem per se but it's nice to help, sure.