Warmastoast99999 Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 Im new to this forum & came here as alast resort...seems Im in good ocmpany - Ive just ended a relationship with someone after almost a year - im 45...so is she - she swept me off myfeet - utterly charming...wityy, life & sould, sexy, etc... Then she dumped me... & I chased her because I was already hooked... Ive saved 782 text messages from our long relationship - including '**** you'...'**** off' ' you idiot' etc - many / almost all ive met with warmth & pleadings to return...which she has... The pattern is around every 3 - 5 weeks ...you guessed - theres some 'drama' - she dumps me...or, like on summer hols with my kids, she decides to leave the hotel - packs, says shes gone...(actually checked in another room) On all these occasions she ignores me, refuses to take calls, answer messages etc...except maybe one 'abusive' text...**** off you will never see me again... or 'poof - im gone'... On xmas day she was on the way to my house - i had my kids...my phone was off - i switched it on to find she had sent a message saying 'if you dont stop this im turning around and going home'...i exploded...and told herto... She truned around, and even though i asked her to return she refused to take my calls... later she sent me a text saying it was the worst day of her life etc...laid on her bed ' screaming in pain'... New year - we were supposed to hold a dinner party - i cancelled it as i did a trip together on 2/1... She had returned to my house and stayed and we talked about it being over...i took her to friends we were due to spend new years eve with... We texted each other on 30/12 about meeting, talking the ususal... I went to visit family and came back that evening - she wasnt expecting me to - she had stayed with our friends...i sent her various messages asking her to join u s- her friends did too - she insists that at our friends its a bad area and she didnt get them until next day... she missed our new years eve night out - got all kinds of hurt and hurtful texts about it... this may be true...(bad area) I sent her other messages next day after trying to fone her - i decided enough was enough, she hadnt the decency to reply so i was going to do something for myself - i got on aplane to prague to visit friends... she went crazy by text - enjoy your hookers etc... got amessage 2 days later...i love you & miss you xx next day same - so i replied i missed her too.. then i weakened and asked her to dinner...tonite... she replied 'im in a buddhist centre in france'...didngt pick up the phone...call and even turned off fones etc shortly afterwards so i couldnt make frther contact... A pattern (i believe) of our relationship has been also that i think of & book etc things for us both...often she does things for her... The woman drives me crazy but i love her... and hate her. I hate the 'helplessness' i feel in this relationship - like she is running my life... I hate the hurt and dsappontment i feel i keep facing...and the harshness and selfishness... Im unsure why i keep putting up with it & going back... In the last 4 days ive been beside myself and have (foolishly) gone and got laid with 4 different women - 3 exes and a new date... Im deeply distracted and miserable... Im sorry to ramble, but if anyone can 1) cast some light on what they 'see' in her behaviours 2) Give me your thoughts on how to proceed 3) Share if youve had similar experience9s) with what i believe is an abusibve woman, pls let me know (i tried the link to betteredmen but it wouldnt 'connect') Thanks for your patience everyone! BGTW - Im in Surrey, UK. Link to comment
DN Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 In days gone by I would have said "She's nuts! Leave her". But now, being a more modern century, I will say "she needs help which you are probably not qualified to give and I think that for your own well being you should leave her." Link to comment
darkblue Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 Hi, and welcome to enotalone, Warmastoast99999 First off - what a character... A few questions: Is this a long-term relationship? Marriage? What children are involved? I can't get over the fact that your life seems to resemble jet-set. You were in prague and she was in France... Anyway, stay away from this woman. I don't believe she is any good for you right now. She is playing you around. She says 'jump' - and you ask 'how heigh?' It's not fair on you. Link to comment
Warmastoast99999 Posted January 6, 2006 Author Share Posted January 6, 2006 Thanks DN, I guess even though i think youre right...feels easier said than done... Link to comment
Warmastoast99999 Posted January 6, 2006 Author Share Posted January 6, 2006 No kids...almost ayear...pretty much lived together through summer last year until autumn when she left on the family holiday - was devastated...always blames me...and yes - lifestyle pretyty jet set...so she gets lots of 'perks' in this relationship... Link to comment
darkblue Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 so she gets lots of 'perks' in this relationship... No kidding! The question I need to ask: What is more important - Your relationship, or your sanity? Link to comment
DN Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 It almost always is. You can't just switch off emotions like that - especially love. But I really think you are in danger here - emotional if not physical and I think you should think long and hard about what is best for you in the long run and make decisions on that basis - be as rational as you can and let your emotions take a back seat for a while. Link to comment
Warmastoast99999 Posted January 6, 2006 Author Share Posted January 6, 2006 thanks for the input guys... Link to comment
Danny H Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 From what I'm reading you have kids from a previous, yes? Do you want them to see you so up/down , twirled around? She seems to be acting like a teenager ( no offence to the mature teenagers we have on this board). She needs to grow up, and deal with her highly emotional state. And you, 3 exes and a new date in how many days??? Link to comment
Warmastoast99999 Posted January 6, 2006 Author Share Posted January 6, 2006 yeah...i know...in 4 days...im sure im just looking to drown my pain, distract myself or cover it up...i sit here reading the stuff earlier and cry a little - im sure i need to do more of it rather than go screw my brains out. Link to comment
darkblue Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 Let it out and begin to heal. First of all - cut all ties with this 'woman'. 1 Link to comment
Lady Bugg Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 Warm... Your g/f sounds Bipolar. Her mood switches at the drop of a hat. How utterly frustrating!!! Seriously..maybe you should ask her to see a counselor or something. If it's not that..she's just a complete B****!!! And a selfish one at that. The only reason I can think that someone would stay in this insanity is good sex. Is that part of it?? 1 Link to comment
darkblue Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 The only reason I can think that someone would stay in this insanity is good sex. Is that part of it?? You would put up with this behaviour - for the sex..? Link to comment
crossflow Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 Just let her go and spare your dignity. No-one deserves to be treated in that way no matter what the excuse is. Your a top bloke and there is a girl out there that is waiting to find you so don't waste your time where it is not wanted and channel it into something else more rewarding 1 Link to comment
shamus Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 I know what you are going through. same thing with me, except with her it was almost weekly. drove me nuts. yes i miss her, and we both said we had the best sex ever. dude it is not worth it. yes your feelings are still there, but the best thing is no contact. both our exs are screwballs. drop her. its tough but you can do it. you are one step closer to finding someone special easier said than done...I'm hurting knowing my ex is out there, probably screwing around, and i dont feel like dating or anything right now. but save your sanity and dignity 1 Link to comment
Lady Bugg Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 Well..if he got laid by 4 diffeent women within a week ..he's GOT GAME!!! LOL Link to comment
theantibarbie23 Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 I too think she sounds bipolar. You want to stay sane? Leave her. You'll never find any real happiness with someone like her. She'll just continue to make you more and more miserable if you stay. Link to comment
Warmastoast99999 Posted January 6, 2006 Author Share Posted January 6, 2006 For the replies 7 support - Im sure Youre (all) right...I sent her a long message - after she contacted me - big mistake - i was nice...told her I wanted her back...loved her etc...she told me we should be 'brave enough to wak away' - game playing or real it still hurts, and you know...I dont need it...Im in ****ing pieces again! Link to comment
darkblue Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 That is why it is important to stop allowing her to play around with your emotions. You should go NC. Link to comment
shamus Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 Maintain NC my bipolar ex texted me 3 nights ago at midnight, after i texted her early that afternoon-i said i am going to respect your wishes, i love you, wish you the best. Her message, 8 hours later "ya your right you did love me" it was hard to do NC, but she is playing games. dont fall into the trap. Give her the gift of missing you. NO CONTACT Link to comment
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