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Abusive, Borderline or crazy?

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Im new to this forum & came here as alast resort...seems Im in good ocmpany - Ive just ended a relationship with someone after almost a year - im 45...so is she - she swept me off myfeet - utterly charming...wityy, life & sould, sexy, etc...


Then she dumped me...


& I chased her because I was already hooked...


Ive saved 782 text messages from our long relationship - including '**** you'...'**** off' ' you idiot' etc - many / almost all ive met with warmth & pleadings to return...which she has...


The pattern is around every 3 - 5 weeks ...you guessed - theres some 'drama' - she dumps me...or, like on summer hols with my kids, she decides to leave the hotel - packs, says shes gone...(actually checked in another room)


On all these occasions she ignores me, refuses to take calls, answer messages etc...except maybe one 'abusive' text...**** off you will never see me again...


or 'poof - im gone'...


On xmas day she was on the way to my house - i had my kids...my phone was off - i switched it on to find she had sent a message saying 'if you dont stop this im turning around and going home'...i exploded...and told herto...


She truned around, and even though i asked her to return she refused to take my calls...


later she sent me a text saying it was the worst day of her life etc...laid on her bed ' screaming in pain'...


New year - we were supposed to hold a dinner party - i cancelled it as i did a trip together on 2/1...


She had returned to my house and stayed and we talked about it being over...i took her to friends we were due to spend new years eve with...


We texted each other on 30/12 about meeting, talking the ususal...


I went to visit family and came back that evening - she wasnt expecting me to - she had stayed with our friends...i sent her various messages asking her to join u s- her friends did too - she insists that at our friends its a bad area and she didnt get them until next day...


she missed our new years eve night out - got all kinds of hurt and hurtful texts about it...


this may be true...(bad area)


I sent her other messages next day after trying to fone her - i decided enough was enough, she hadnt the decency to reply so i was going to do something for myself - i got on aplane to prague to visit friends...


she went crazy by text - enjoy your hookers etc...


got amessage 2 days later...i love you & miss you xx


next day same - so i replied i missed her too..


then i weakened and asked her to dinner...tonite...


she replied 'im in a buddhist centre in france'...didngt pick up the phone...call and even turned off fones etc shortly afterwards so i couldnt make frther contact...


A pattern (i believe) of our relationship has been also that i think of & book etc things for us both...often she does things for her...


The woman drives me crazy but i love her...


and hate her.


I hate the 'helplessness' i feel in this relationship - like she is running my life...


I hate the hurt and dsappontment i feel i keep facing...and the harshness and selfishness...


Im unsure why i keep putting up with it & going back...


In the last 4 days ive been beside myself and have (foolishly) gone and got laid with 4 different women - 3 exes and a new date...


Im deeply distracted and miserable...


Im sorry to ramble, but if anyone can


1) cast some light on what they 'see' in her behaviours


2) Give me your thoughts on how to proceed


3) Share if youve had similar experience9s) with what i believe is an abusibve woman, pls let me know (i tried the link to betteredmen but it wouldnt 'connect')


Thanks for your patience everyone!


BGTW - Im in Surrey, UK.

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In days gone by I would have said "She's nuts! Leave her". But now, being a more modern century, I will say "she needs help which you are probably not qualified to give and I think that for your own well being you should leave her."

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Hi, and welcome to enotalone, Warmastoast99999


First off - what a character...


A few questions:

Is this a long-term relationship? Marriage?

What children are involved?


I can't get over the fact that your life seems to resemble jet-set.

You were in prague and she was in France...


Anyway, stay away from this woman. I don't believe she is any good for you right now. She is playing you around.


She says 'jump' - and you ask 'how heigh?' It's not fair on you.

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It almost always is. You can't just switch off emotions like that - especially love. But I really think you are in danger here - emotional if not physical and I think you should think long and hard about what is best for you in the long run and make decisions on that basis - be as rational as you can and let your emotions take a back seat for a while.

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From what I'm reading you have kids from a previous, yes?


Do you want them to see you so up/down , twirled around?


She seems to be acting like a teenager ( no offence to the mature teenagers we have on this board).



She needs to grow up, and deal with her highly emotional state.


And you, 3 exes and a new date in how many days???

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Your g/f sounds Bipolar. Her mood switches at the drop of a hat. How utterly frustrating!!! Seriously..maybe you should ask her to see a counselor or something. If it's not that..she's just a complete B****!!! And a selfish one at that. The only reason I can think that someone would stay in this insanity is good sex. Is that part of it??

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Just let her go and spare your dignity. No-one deserves to be treated in that way no matter what the excuse is. Your a top bloke and there is a girl out there that is waiting to find you so don't waste your time where it is not wanted and channel it into something else more rewarding

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I know what you are going through.

same thing with me, except with her it was almost weekly. drove me nuts.

yes i miss her, and we both said we had the best sex ever.

dude it is not worth it.

yes your feelings are still there, but the best thing is no contact.

both our exs are screwballs.


drop her. its tough but you can do it.

you are one step closer to finding someone special

easier said than done...I'm hurting knowing my ex is out there, probably screwing around, and i dont feel like dating or anything right now.


but save your sanity and dignity

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For the replies 7 support - Im sure Youre (all) right...I sent her a long message - after she contacted me - big mistake - i was nice...told her I wanted her back...loved her etc...she told me we should be 'brave enough to wak away' - game playing or real it still hurts, and you know...I dont need it...Im in ****ing pieces again!

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Maintain NC

my bipolar ex texted me 3 nights ago at midnight, after i texted her early that afternoon-i said i am going to respect your wishes, i love you, wish you the best. Her message, 8 hours later "ya your right you did love me"

it was hard to do NC, but she is playing games.

dont fall into the trap.


Give her the gift of missing you.



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