I need some serious advice on this situation

[Shady_Forever]

I am kinda in the mood to just type and talk with someone personally about this whole situation. I know I can rely on myspace lol! But I been with this girl for 3 years. She has been on drugs, she had a husband die 3 years ago of a drug over dose, she is constantly on the verge of losing it. But over all I hold myself back because I honestly really do love this girl with all of my heart and I would do absolutely anything in the world to help her and see her do well. Just for the known fact that I have seen her do quite well and seen her clean up. She is BEAUTIFUL, she is a SWEETHEART, she is everything I could ever want in a girl. But when drugs take over and depression. She is about the worst person you can know. AND I MEAN THE WORST. But a week ago on new years day to be ezact. I made the decision to break it off because I couldnt handle no more. Her cheating for the drugs and her whoring around for no apparant reason except for a 10 minute high. It is a serious problem. Should I blame her heart for cheating while shes on the drugs. Or do I blame the drugs? Do I blame her depression and bi-polar on her past childhood of being raped, beaten and everything else by her mother and father or should I blame her past for that and just face the fact that she has alot of past memories that cause her to go crazy? and for the drug problem? I know I can really be someone good for her because I have the stability of a man. I have the heart to keep on taking her back, feel sorry for her and even help her through her legal problems and other things, in which me and her have gotten ourselves into some pretty major stuff over the past year.

 

Her and I have always held really strong when it comes to loving eachother. She stays at her dead husbands parents house so I know that is part of the reason of her nutty attacks. I know her childhood was rough and the memories she remembers really haunt her. I feel really bad for this girl. But sense I broke it off with her only for the known fact to get her to wakeup and realize shes something better than the drugs and depression. She takes off and now NOBODY knows where she is at. She is driving around in my vehicle which is being repo'd and they will file a warrant if it aint here by tomorrow night. Is it wrong for me to call all of her family up in just about every state looking for her? That makes me look insecure and wanting her back. Which on that matter I really dont know what I want. I know I can get better. But I am not the type of guy to just ditch somebody because they have flaws. I have learned alot from my own drug addictions and problems with childhood. I have conqoured alot and I feel like its a dieing need to help her get her life straight.

 

What do I do? Should I let her go for good and just tell her straight out. I love you but I also reallly hate your ways and the life you are leading. Which I do but I dont feel right doing that. I still very much love this girl even though she has cheated on me well over 100 times. Which is extremely wrong. But somewhere in my heart I feel pity and I want to keep on forgiving her. Should I just forget about her and move on. Knowing she will be on my conscionce constantly. Or should I tell her I will not take you back NEVER if you keep on running off causing more problems for yourself and the people who love you and want to see you do better with your life. God what do I do?

 

I told her on new years day that I was in Georgia which was a total lie. I was actually at my house. Watching her come by about every hour on the hour was killing me. But now that she is gone and the car is needed by the police and dealership, and my heart is kinda upset because of all this. I feel like I did wrong! even though my parents dont like her, dont want her anywhere around, which I understand. But I am 26 and I need to start making decisions myself. Even if they are with someone crazy like that. As long as theres god then theres hope.

[raineysong]

My heart goes out to you. There are some things that you cannot control or fix---which I seem to have to keep learning, myself! My dad was an alcoholic and my brother was a combination addict switching from drugs to alcohol. He was bi-polar as well. I loved him very much, but it was extremely difficult at times to "like" him. We never knew when he might go off the deep end and do something crazy or something that might hurt him. We all finally had to face the fact that we could not "save" him. He drove a truck for a living and took so much speed that he suffered a massive heart attack at age 34. One third of his heart died and he lived out the next 10 years living on disability, and hanging on a thread. At age 45, while intoxicated on alcohol, he was crushed between 2 vehicles. He died within minutes. You cannot "save" her no matter how hard you try. Only she can save herself. First, she has to "want" to do that and be able to admit she has problems. If none of this is happening, you nor anyone else stands a chance. She will use and manipulate anyone and everyone to get whatever she needs when she needs it, and that includes "you." If you tolerate her behavior, then you become yet another enabler, and you can't force her to seek help. And if she desires a relationship with you, the only healthy alternative you have is to give her an ultimatum. She either gets the help she needs or there will be no more contact with her. It sounds cruel, but it's reality. You can't save someone who doesn't "want" to be saved. If you try, you will go down with her.

[Silver Glow]

I think, your looking for something to blame, where possibly there is nothing to blame yet, except your lost girlfriend.

 

You can't save her, nor should you. She needs to save herself. You say you would do ANYTHING to help her clean up and be a good person and do well? Why not have a straight talk with her and tell her that you will help her do those things if she wants it, but that if she doesn't, then she needs to let you go. You can't keep staying with someone that sleeps around for the next drug fix, can you? What if she gives you some strange irreversable disease just because she needed to get high for five minutes?

 

She needs serious help. That's something you can only help her get, if she wants it. but if you can't continue on like this, then you have to end it. It's not going to be easy, but sometimes, you have to let go of the one you love. You may be holding on to a version of her that is litteraly dying inside of her.

 

Maybe you should look around for some councelors in your area before talking to her, so you know what kind of help is available, and what she would need to do, that way when you do have your talk, and she asks.. you can tell her outright what she has to do in order to get herself back on track, and keep you even if it's only as a friend.

 

You have a rocky road ahead of you, and I wish you all the luck, patience, and understanding in the world. Your going to need it. But don't use those things as a crutch to stay with her because once every blue moon you see the true girl that your in love with.

 

And if you really want her to be found, try filing a stolen car report.. or let the police know, and the bank who is going to repo the car that she has it. Maybe, they'll find her on drugs and lock her up. At least maybe a few days deprived will detox her. At least, that would be the 'easy' way out of telling her to her face that she needs help. (Letting someone else force the issue)