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Hello all, this is my first post but I have gotten a lot of useful information from this site and I thank all of you.


My situation goes like this:


I'm a 28 yr old successful/fortunate man, but have had a drug/alcohol problem off and on for the past 10 years. Ran into the love of my life back in April of 05', we dated for three years in college and split up because we were just too young at the time. Anyway we hit it off again immediately. She was just coming out of a relationship...in fact they still lived together.....I was several months removed from a 2 yr relationship with a much younger person and I had fallen into the party all the time rut again.


When my love and I got back together I had been sober for months and everything was going great in my life. We very quickly moved in with each other because she had planned to leave the state and already gave up her apartment and was now staying and we were to start our life and a family together....we both wanted it.


Somehow around July I started drinking again...don't know why, maybe I was missing the party seen but basically I think because it's a disease. Over the months to follow I slowly pushed her away in favor of drinking and partying, and also my ex tried to get back into my life...though I didn't do anything, it did affect my relationship with my love and I did think at the time that I would be happier with someone like my ex, but I think it was more the lifestyle than any one person.


So finally my love moves out in early November...I really put her through a bunch of crap!! Since that has happened and even before that I have control my drinking/smoking and things have been great in my life...except that she was not completely in it. Now, we still see each other almost everyday, she still has things at my house and brings her dog over all the time, and we have done lots together.


So, come to find out she has made plans to go west to see her ex for Christmas and new years...she accidentally told me one night. She tells me before she goes that she doesn't really want too because things have been great and everything that she wants is here with me, but we both decide it would be best because she and especially I do not want any doubts if we go on together.


She ends up coming home early, I hinted that I would like to have at least one holiday with her, we had a great New Year's together, she spent almost a week at my house...we did our Christmas and everything was great.


She calls last night and says she's going to write me a check for some of the Christmas gifts and possibly give some back to me because she doesn't want to look as if she is taking advantage of me. She tells me again that I've pushed her away and been so hurtful (which I was) that she just doesn't feel the same right now. Says she wants to get it back and she wants to get that feeling again, but it's not happening and she has a wall up around her now.


She suggested getting her dog, cat and the rest of her things out of the house and I agreed. I guess we'll do that tonight.


Being sober now, I see all that I've done and the great, great love and relationship that would last a lifetime I let slip away.


So what to do now, I've been showering her with love and getting very little in return. Do I continue to do this or maybe retreat a little, completely get back on my feet but continue to talk and see her. Or to avoid any more heartache, do I just cut it off completely?


She's a wonderful person...very honest, very sincere......the love of my life...and I was hers too!!!!


The last two months have been hard for both of us...I don't know what to do now.


Any advise would be appreciated,


Thank you guys

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sounds to me like you hurt this girl pretty badly. she's probably afriad to get back into something deep with you for fear of being hurt again.


i would give her some time for herself and while you're doing that, work on yourself. get the help you need to make sure that the alcohol and drugs are not running your life. this is one of those problems that not only affects you and her, but all of your other relationships in life - past, present and future.


it sounds to me like you guys have something strong, but it's going to take time to regain her trust. give her and yourself some time and space to make some improvements, and hopefully things will fall back into place.

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well, it's really good that you are admitting that you messed up. What I would do is make sure she knows the door is open. You can't force a relationship on her, so just sit her down when she comes to get her stuff. Tell her you love her and that if you could take away the hurt and pain you've caused her you would. Tell her that all you can do now is improve yourself and hope that someday she will be able to forgive you and try again. Leave things open and be as kind and loving and honest as you can. Hoepfully she'll come around eventually. Good luck hun.

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