Communicating (bad) feelings

[rosstheboss]

hi

I am looking for some advice, very basically my girlfriend has problems communicating her feelings.

 

For the past 4 months or so things between us haven't been right. She seems distant and quite uninterested. I like to talk about problems and feelings. A few months ago we had a 'break' because she wasn't sure she wanted to be in a relationship but we decided to give it another go. Shes still distant and uninterested but at the same time she will still want to see me (just less often) and she is generally nice to me and gives me a huge kiss and cuddle whenever I'm leaving. We don't have sex anymore either, shes just never in the mood for it.

We've had another talk about how things are going and again she said she doesn't know if she wants to be in a relationship.

I can't go on like this but at the same time I don't want to loose her.

I want to know what she is thinking and feeling so we can either work it out or have proper justification for ending it and some closure.

 

 

How can I get her to open up?

[Moon Goddess]

I suggest when you are cuddling just tell her "baby what's wrong you seem distant is there anything wrong, anything bothering you?" Don't seem like a detective be sweet if she doesn't want to talk then respect that and change the subject try again some other time, remember to be patient and respect her desicion to keep quiet

[RayKay]

Would you rather be miserable together (and this goes for both of you...she has doubts, and that is making you feel terrible yourself), or find happiness alone, and eventually with someone else?

 

I hate to be the one to rain on your parade, but you are hurting yourself by staying in this relationship when she has told you she is not sure she wants to be in this, and has even stopped being intimate with you (HUGE red flag.....HUGE). She is communicating how she feels by not wanting to have sex with you, and by seeing you less often, and being distant. It may not be verbal, but those are some pretty clear signs.

 

My guess is she does not really want to hurt you, but she is really not too keen on being around anymore. She is having problems communicating her feelings because she does not want to hurt you...and she HAS communicated she is not sure about you as a couple. You are just choosing to ignore it to some degree by pushing ahead.

 

I suggest you stand up for yourself, and tell her how you are feeling neglected, pushed away and hurt by the lack of intimacy. Let her know you want to resolve it, but that if she is not willing to work on it, it's time to cut loose. You are part of this relationship too. Things won't improve by just allowing them to go on as they are.