What do you consider clingy?

[PutYourBackIntoIt]

I'm just interested in hearing other people's opinions and experiences. What makes a bf/gf too clingy? What has someone done in the past that made you feel they were clingy? Too much affection, incessant calls, etc etc. Would love to hear other's thoughts on this...

[SuperDuper]

I feel that it's when someone depends on that person for their own happiness. They rely that the outcome of everything is positive, and don't know how to accept the negative aspects of a relationship.

 

They always need to know where you are, what you're doing, and who with.

 

Basically that's what I consider clingy.

[melrich]

I feel that it's when someone depends on that person for their own happiness.

 

I agree. I think that to me is a very succinct way to summarise it.

[brando]

isnt that obessive??

[melrich]

isnt that obessive??

 

Yes, I think obsessive behaviour is an extreme of clingy behaviour.

[OceanEyes]

My first boyfriend was the epitome of clingy. Not at first, but after about the first year, I couldn't go anywhere or do anything without him wanting to tag along. My friends would often say, "come out - but PLEASE leave your man at home for once".

 

Clingy, in my opinion, is when someone 'hangs' off of you, has to be with you all the time (and know where you are when you're not together), calls too frequently, demands all of your attention, always wants to be beside you, etc.

[fantasia2004]

Where do I begin?

 

I was the Queen of clinginess!

 

It was so awful!

 

My ex probably to this day thinks THAT I CAN'T THINK FOR MYSELF!

 

(sORRY CAPS ARE ON)

 

Trust me, depending on another person to make you happy, make you laugh,etc. without doing to yourself first and only for you, then it only proves you need help with your self esteem..

 

It becomes overwhelming for the other partner.

 

They can not breathe if you do not let go and give them space.

 

Allow yourself to have a life of your own. Had I known that, I would have still been with my ex to this day married with kids and a house to live in. Happily in love I mean

[theantibarbie23]

The clingy behavior I hate most is when a person pouts if you want to be alone or spend a little time away from them. One of my exs was very clingy. It was like he thought that because we were together, he suddenly was to become the center of MY universe.... ](*,)

[darkblue]

Someone who is clingy will constantly seek your positive attention.

Different people will have different ways of doing so. Trying to be overly nice and over-zealous is one way, by the constant calls and jealous behaviour.

[fantasia2004]

Someone who is clingy will constantly seek your positive attention.

Different people will have different ways of doing so. Trying to be overly nice and over-zealous is one way, by the constant calls and jealous behaviour.

 

does this include or is this what they call trying to "please others"

 

seeking their approval?

[darkblue]

Yep, Fantasia.

[brando]

Fantasia,

"people pleasing" falls under co dependency.

[darkblue]

Agreed, brando - and I believe people who are clingy are co-dependant.

Which also suggests a low self-esteem and lack of confidence.

[newts]

I place clingy people along with needy people, they need you in their life, they don't want you to have a life, friends, space and find it very hard to comprehend that you need to have a life of your own. They suffocate you.

[may55]

Ew! Clingy men are the worst. On a rebound from a long term relationship I BRIEFLY dated this guy in my grad program. He was 10 years older, obnoxious, rude, self centered and clingy as all hec. I worked full time and put myself thru grad school. He was taking classes part time and not working at all. He would call me 6 times a day - at work - curse me out if I was in a meeting or on a conference call, pestered me to study with him all the time for class, would talk endlessly on the phone about himself and his problems/needs (he was in multiple therapy groups) and get mad if I wanted to get off and go to bed – it would be 2 am and I had to work the next day! Also note normally I am quite the phone junkie. It was a horrible brief relationship and breaking up with him was so hard to do he kept "clinging" to me in class, drive by my house, send me stupid notes – mind you this guy was 40!

 

Clingy is usually a bad combination of severe insecurity and insensitivity (almost narcissism). I am somewhat insecure myself at times, but I like to think that I at least am somewhat sensitive to others, especially those I am dating.

 

I know it sounds mean, but it is true, at least from my perspective.

[raineysong]

A clingy person is generally an insecure person. They may also possess a lot of fear issues, including abandonment. Bottom line: They lack confidence and self-esteem. This behavior can certainly cause you to feel suffocated, and it can ruin relationships quickly. I define clingy as someone who feels that they "have" to be in close proximity all the time, cannot deal with you having your own space, is jealous of any time you give to others, and has to constantly be reassured.