Am i being silly?

[Sugar-Rush]

Hey Guys,

 

Been a long time since i've posted here, basically i broke off my long term realtionship a few months back and even though it was one of the hardest things i've ever done...i'm glad its over and we're still friends

 

Recently i've started seeing someone else, the first guy since my long term ex....things are going great, he has the same sense of humour as me and we sit up into the night having such deap conversations, it's bliss....it's not love, not yet, we're only been official a few weeks but its all been great...however, he likes to have a drink a couple of times a week, he's a student and i don't think he has a drink problem or anything but occasionally he's started scaring me when we get intermate ( we haven't had sex)

He's a gentle lover most of the time, however when he's had a drink he gets very rough with me, not violent, but rough and i got a bit scared last night he wouldn't stop when i asked him to (he did after about 1 minute)

I really like him, but today i've avoided seeing him and feel very confused i can't be with someone who i'm even a little bit scared of....am i being naive? I know he'd never deliberately hurt me.

He called tonight and i tried to tell him how i felt but he just said he was drunk and i turn him on...what can i expect....typical guy response?

 

I dunno i'm just confused...please tell me if you think i'm over reacting, is it just because i was so secure with my ex that i'm comparing my new guy?

 

Sugar XxXxX

[Itsok]

You are not being silly. In my mind, that's a red flag.

 

He drinks a few times a week and gets kind of aggressive when you are intimate. In my mind that points to two things:

 

1. He has a mild problem with alcohol

2. He has aggressive tendencies

 

He shunned your concern with a "you turn me on and I was drunk" response to shield himself instead of taking any sort of blame and apologizing big time. In my mind, the second would be a typical response in a fairly new relationship.

 

I would get out of this one. It's early on in the relationship, and if already you are having red flags and warning signs, the time is fresh to get out before any commitments are made.

 

In the start of a relationship, each of you should be on your best behavior, trying not to upset the other in any way. He isn't trying very hard, and isn't concerned about how his advances made you feel.

 

Personally I'd call it quits before you get tangled into him.

[Mjane]

you may get along very well with this guy, but remember, you don't know him. people are always on their best behavior when they start dating and then the real, true selves come out.

It's really disturbing that he wouldn't stop his advances and blamed it on alcohol. Please try and avoid getting into this situation again until you can assess whether he is a real threat.