Family problems....

[Maverick32x]

Ok, so i am 20 years old, and for the past 2-3 years, ive been having HUGE problems w/ my mom.... and i dont know why?!

ive never had a problem w/ her before, but for some reason she has completed turned against me... and tries to get the rest of my family to also hate me for some reason?

shes very spiteful and will do things such as, tell my youger sister (14) that i date * * * * * * and tell her what a horrible person i am (ps: the girl i dated was in the top 10% of our class and never slept with a guy) so im not really sure what her motivation was behind that? and she always shows me as a bad example of what to be but im a state champion swimmer, and got into a private university so im not sure why im such a bad example.....

 

but my family keeps me on a VERY small leash.. or atleast they try... ive been away at school, and when i come back its the worst. she openly tells me that she hates me, and that she cant wait for me to move out all the time.

 

I just dont understand why im having such problems, i get along great with everyone, but for some reason my mom absolutly hates me recently she took my car away (They paid for that too ) all because i left an empty glass down in my basement the other night.... It sucks when i come home for school, since its hard to meet up w/ friends, and go to work when your parents take your only means of transportation, and im too embarrassed to tell them "hey, i left a glass in the basment, i cant go out tonight" its just ridiculous!!!

anyway, i was wondering if there is anything i can do? or some sort of explanation that you can offer?

[RayKay]

First thing I though off...your mother seems to show some signs of depression, or bipolar even. Are there are other issues in your family - like between her and your father for example, that may be being directed at you in her frustration? Does she perhaps resent your chance to go to school if she is unhappy with her own career choices?

 

I doubt she hates you, but there does seem to be a lot of resentment, and perhaps even an illness of sorts, there that is causing her to lash out in your direction.

 

It does sound to me very much like a mental illness, but I don't want to just throw that out there randomly, just based on the experiences of others, it does sound like a bipolar disorder of sorts.

 

Can you talk to your father, or an aunt or uncle confidentially about this, maybe they have some more ideas on why this is her reaction towards you?

[DN]

Have you talked to her about this and asked her why she hates you?

[Maverick32x]

yes, actually there has been kind of a history of err... "Crazyness"? in her side of the family........ .... ...

but i have asked her why she hates me, and she flips it around on me, and tells me that its actually my fault, and it really isnt, ive never said or done anything to make these things happen

 

and oh ya, the one thing she says that really infuriates me.. is when she tells me that i have no respect for women...... which is so far off base that its the one thing that actually makes me show that im upset, since i usually try not to react to what she says... but it defintly makes me yell at her because i get so upset, since so many of my friends ARE girls, and i actually get along better w/ girls than guys, and for someone to tell me that i dont respect my friends really makes me mad... and when i say "yell" its not like i go crazy or anything, but i defintly just try to walk away since i dont like to get really mad at people, even if they are clearly trying to make me get mad

[DN]

Is there somewhere else that you can go for the holidays and breaks from school? Maybe just stay at the university?

[BellaDonna]

I think this issue is definitely about your mom- and not about you.

 

I actually think she does not hate you- but that she envies you. Even though she's your mom- she's still human- and jealousy can be a reality.

 

Maybe your self-confidence, calm temper, free-spirit, ability to get along with others, and your girlfriend personally threaten her (in her mind) because they make her feel inadequate. Your mom probably does not like herself very much right now, for whatever the reason, and she's taking it out of you because you are the opposite of what she is.

 

The way she is handeling it is unfair, immature, and far from "motherly" - but again she's human too. Mom's even make mistakes.

 

Next time she acts this way, why don't you try saying something like "Mom, I've noticed you have not been yourself lately, and that you are very bitter towards me. Is everything ok? Is there something you need to talk about that is bothering you.? Then let her know that you wish things could be the way they were before between the 2 of you, and you wish she could tell you what brought about this change.

 

She might be surprised by that reaction- and you might get more truth out of her from it.

 

Another strategy is to talk to other family members and try to have "family meeting/intervention" with her as a group- if the others see it as a problem too.

 

At the very least, she seems very emotionally unstable. I think it would do her (and perhaps even the family) good to talk to a professional.

 

 

BellaDonna

[Maverick32x]

Thank you for your respones, and all the good ideas i'll try to talk to her, since i dont want to make it a big family thing if it doesnt have to be