why do i even care...

[bowler24]

have been NC with the ex for about a month and a half, last together in july, initially broke up in february 04 after 4 1/2 years together, lived together for 3 1/2...anyway, the crazy * * * * * started stripping a year into our relationship, many issues arose from this, as well as from her drug use, and our relationship had many break ups in between....the problem was i started seeing her when her son was two months old - didn't even meet him until 4 months later when we were crazy in love, and immediately fell in love with him...he was absolutely the coolest and cutest little boy in the world, and since she worked nights and had him during the week, it was pretty much me and him every night the entire time we lived together....anyway, her drug use progressed beyond comprehension, and thus began the late nights, the lying, mood swings, and everything else that comes along with being a drug addict....i loved this girl with all my heart, and stuck with her thru 3 rehabs in the final 2 years of our relationship, the last resulting in methadone treatment in which i drove her every single morning to the clinic before work(i work as an accountant in a big firm in the city i live in), an tried my best to be supportive(it's hard seeing the person you love suffer from this illness), and many times i just couldn't deal or was shut out completely, and i'm not a saint - after endness nights of me coming home and seeing her nodding out on the couch, i began to verbally abuse her - i'm not proud, but i just couldn't deal anymore.......

 

come february she leaves me for baby's father, and by march we are talking again, and having a relationship, and she moves into her parents mid-may, wants to get back togther, etc, but am too f'ed up fro the last 2 years to have her back like that...tell her i need time....two months goes by and she is already in love someone she met at n/a, a boyfriend from high school, who is on parole and recovering drug addict himself...i let her be, do my own thing, date a girl for about 4 months, and realize i'm not ready yet, and have been single ever since....

 

anyway, during this time, the ex calls about 1 to 2 times every other week, and has some lame excuse for contacting me - some i respond, others i don't...i have implemented strong NC since since the end of Nov, and she has tried to be in contact, but i have not responded....recently, she has been calling and texting alot, sometimes several times a day, and i have not responded at all.....the last few times she has asked me for some things of hers still at my house(which she can have, i defintely don't want them), but i have not responded...she is moving in with this new boyfriend, and i know i shouldn't give a damn, but it seems to bother me, as i miss her son more than anything, and can't imagine this scumbag having any influence on him....anyway, i'm not stupid, and know i should cut all ties with this one(should have a long time ago), but i find myself preoccupied with her well being and the well being of her son, whom i still love more than anyone in the entire world, and who is still crazy about me......

 

i just need some reinsurance from everyone that NC is still the way to go.....i know it is, but ther is this hole in my heart that cannot ever close because of my love for this little boy....i never imagined i could hurt so much.....

[bowler24]

i meant february 05

[newts]

Oh Bowler, That is a terrible story, you are a very loving and supportive man to have put up with this bulls#hit. NC , even though it's hard and you care so much about this little boy, it's still the best thing for you, him and her.

 

I would like to know how in hell she nabbed someone like you? Seems she has a sign saying " losers welcome, stable, loving, supportive men not welcome".

 

Unfortunately she is in control of her and her sons destiny.

 

One day, when you are ready you will get married to an amazing women and have a little son or daughter of your own and will be happy, nobody can take that child away from you.

 

Stay strong and definitely don't give into her, I wouldn't be surprised if she comes knocking on your door when this new relationship turns bellyup. She sounds like she is a love and drug addict (needy). Nobody wants a needy person.

[autumn99_99]

unfortunately, this is just the way life goes with someone who is a drug addict, they become love junkies too, and the ups and downs with these people will drive you insane, they dont know how to be happy, because the only happiness they know is the drug. As far as the baby, there is nothing you can do but let him go, and pray that someone intervenes in her life to take care of him. I went thru this some years back with a guy for years, and the lies, cheating, up and downs, mood swings, and i finally filed for divorce after a long seperation waiting for him to get clean and or figure things out, he never did, and it was the best thing i ever did was get away from him, as they are not stable, never will be, even if they get off the drugs, they almost always sink back to that way of life, I felt a weight lift when i finally got away from it, mind you it was very heartbreaking trying to worry and help someone who did not want to help himself, as i have heard, he's still in and out of this lifestyle, keep up the no contact and try and heal your heart and move on with someone who is not into this type of life, because you cant have one with these people. you'll be ok, and it takes time, but you are much better off, take it from someone who spent 7 1/2 years in this mess. take care of yourself, u deserve better

[poke]

Dont forget that its not just a NC situation, you are grieving for the loss of that little boy. Even though he hasn't died, the emotional effect on you will be just as devastating. Allow yourself time to grieve, and work through the pain of that loss.

 

Having that hole in your heart is ok right now. It means that you really do love the kid. Some people who have lost children have said that hole never goes away, they just learn to deal with it. Some have said they find peace, and that feeling goes away.

 

I think its a very personal thing how you deal with grief, and it sounds like your heading in the right direction. Don't be afraid to ask for help, or have a cry on someones shoulder. Alot of men think that they can't do those things cause men are supposed to be tough, but let me tell you... I've never felt emotional release like I have after a cry.

[NJRon]

Poke definitely has a point. My ex and I lived together with her little girl for over 2 years. I find myself grieving for both of them. As soon as it started calming down with her, the loss of her girl really hit me hard. Kind of a double whammy.