Any thoughts, please?

[Straightwave33]

Yesterday my boyfriend and I made the mutual agreement that we desperately needed a break. Basically, after four years together he is certain he wants to marry me and I am still unsure. This has caused me to be distant, quiet and moody and it has greatly taken a toll on him. I feel so guilty. I told him of my doubts before but he always told me to never give up and focus on the positives and I always foolishly pushed my feelings aside and continued on. Now i realize i was being dishonest to myself and its a terrible feeling.

 

I miss him a lot but I also know we did the right thing. Ultimately, I would love to end up with him, perhaps when we are a little older (we are both 22) and have matured more.

 

I really don't know why I'm writing, I guess I would just like to hear someone's opinion. Has anyone ever experienced a situation like this in which they realized they loved each other and got back together? Maybe dated others, learned more about themselves and then rediscovered each other? I know I'm just looking for a glimmer of hope. We had a lot of great qualities together but the thing that was missing was certain love on my part.

 

I know he and I are both really burnt out, even though he said he didn't think it would happen, I'm afraid he will put up a wall and never have feelings for me again. He is really burnt out and told me that at this moment he can't picture a future together but he hopes there can be one. He asked me not to give up on us and said that he wouldn't either. We said a prayer together asking God to lead us on the paths that he wants us to follow whether we end up together or not.

 

I'm just hoping I can get my life together a bit (he was my future, now I have to find my own) and maybe date some others and realize that I really love him and want to be with him. I didn't think this would happen to us, I always waited around for love for him to fill me....and I just waited too long.

 

I feel so guilty too. I know we should have done this a long time ago. But I viewed a breakup as giving up and that is something we've never done.

 

This is really all gibberish that will only be answered with time.

 

Uggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[melrich]

I think in this sort of situation you really have to follow your gut instinct, which is pretty much what you are doing.

 

Unfortunately wwe often meet the right person at the wrong time of life.

 

Whilst it is possible that things will work out for you in the longer term, I think you have to be realistic and say it is more likely that you will grow apart and your life course will diverge as you meet different people etc.

 

But that should not be a reason not to trust your instincts and go with them.

[DN]

Just be aware that 'break' usually means 'break-up'. I am not saying you did the wrong thing I only want you to be sure what it is that you are actually doing. Don't assume he will necessarily be there for you at some point in the future.

[darkblue]

he is certain he wants to marry me and I am still unsure.

(he was my future, now I have to find my own)

A little contradictory, don't you think?

 

So, basically - you want to date others to find out how they compare to him?

If he is better than anyone else you can find - you suppose you are meant to be with him?

[Straightwave33]

thank you all for your posts

 

i do not expect him to wait around for me, we both said we would date other people if someone of interest came around, so i'm fully aware of that.

 

the plan of dating other people is not to see if i find someone "better" and then go back to him if i don't. its to find out more about myself and what i want. for example, a person wouldn't know if they liked chocolate more than vanilla if they never tasted both.

[darkblue]

I don't see how dating other people can reveal things about you that you didn't know.

 

This isn't like trying a new kind of ice-cream...

This is leaving a partner that you love, in order to get 'experience' from different people.