It was all going so well...

[abcd1234]

Hi everyone,

 

I regards to my last thread:

We were getting on very well, we both agreed to fight ao keep our friendship alive becuase we both know that we were best friends before we got together. But...

 

Earlier today she found out that i had kissed this other girl when i mistakenly told her about it (she said something in a text that made me think she already knew). She got very mad at me, and when i said that the kiss with this other girl meant nothing, she said im just like very other guy - "full of s***". She also got very dissmissive, saying things like "i hope you are happy together" and "i obviously meant nothing to you" when she knows that the only person i have feelings for is her.

 

I told her it was the truth and that i was only trying (and failing) to get over our failed relationship. I also got mad and said: "you meant the world to me and then broke up with me, and now your getting mad becuase i make an attempt to move on."

 

She then said that she was mad becuase i had "obviously lied" in a letter that i sent her shortly after we broke up (it explained that i still had feelings for her and wouldnt be able to move on easily and would miss all the good times we had together but also that i want to continue to be best friends if we can). I told her that the letter was 100% truthful, which it was, and that it was very hard for me to write it, but that she obviously cant see that.

 

I havent heard from her since. I know i have done wrong by trying to move on so soon after our breakup, but i think that she is also wrong to hold that against me. Everything i said in the letter i sent her about finding it hard, being hurt and wanting to be friends was all true.

 

Ill see her tomorrow when we go back for the start of the new term, ive written her a letter saying that i hope we can still be friends. If she will talk to me then ill we tell her everything i have written in the letter to her face. The letter is a last resort. I know that she wants to remain friends and i do too, but im not sure how to approach her about it becuase i dont feel like getting shot down again this week - ive already taken enough pain.

 

Any advice is appreciated, thanks!

[DN]

You did nothing wrong - unless it was being too honest. She has no right to blame you for anything once you were broken up and is being silly in her reaction now.

[Mrocza]

I agree with DN. She has no RIGHT to be upset, though I can understand why she is upset.

 

You owe her nothing.

[helpneeded]

u honestly have nothing to feel bad about cos u weren't together. what u do once u're apart has nothing to do with her. but me being a girl too can see y ur ex reacted like this, and i would have reacted in exactly the same way!

but ignore it, she'll get over it!...though she might hold a grudge initially when u try working on ur friendship

[Hope75]

She does not have a reasonable reason to be upset. She broke up with you, after that your love life has nothing to do with her.

 

Sounds like she might be questioning her choice to break it off and regretting it to a degree.

 

I agree with others that you did nothing wrong and have no course to apologize.

 

She made a choice and that is part of the consequence of her choice. She cannot expect you to become a monk after the breakup.

 

I would say if and when you see her act as normal as possible and don't treat her any differently than you would.... don't apologize or act ashamed.

 

If she brings it up, remind her politely that she ended the relationship and after that your love life is no longer her concern.

 

Best.

[annie24]

I think you also did nothing wrong. I've been in your shoes before, and I've done the exact same thing. She broke up with you. If she didn't want you kissing other girls, she shouldn't have broken up. She can't have it both ways.

 

Stay strong. I also think her response is irrational.

[Dako]

She's probably not sure what she wants.

Maybe just control.

[redandblack]

Unfortunately this is why so-called friendships between ex partners don't usually work. You didn't do anything wrong, really, but how would you feel if she was talking about kissing other guys? You would probably think she was trying to make you jealous.

 

Anyway, I think you two need some time apart to let emotions cool down.

 

Take care