Need Help-Ex contacted me today

[ocrob]

I have not talked to ex in four weeks. I believe she is possibly in a relationship. It is my birthday today and this is what she sent me:

Hi sweetie ~

 

I know you asked me not to contact you but I just had to wish you a

very happy birthday. Hope you're doing well.

 

I was hoping not to hear from her. Do I say a two word thank you or just go NC? All opinions are welcome.

 

Thanks,

 

Robert

[shes2smart]

If it was an ex of mine, I'd delete it (if it was an email) or throw it away (if it was snail mail) and pretend it never happened.

 

If I was feeling particularly generous and was in a very good mood, I might respond with a short-as-possible thank you. (such as, "Thanks for the birthday wishes.")

 

Since the days I'm feeling particularly generous toward my exes are pretty much non-existant, the silence would be deafening.

[kellbell]

Hi there! Happy Birthday!

 

No I would not contact her for 2 reasons. One you were hoping that she would never contact you and you asked her not to. And 2, you contacting her would give her the go-ahead to contact you back, thus setting you back further than you want to be. Just keep on doing what you are doing, you are doing great!

[Devi]

I wouldn't respond! But, Happy Birthday to you!

[ocrob]

Thanks! I will not even consider responding till tonight or even later. Here is what I would say to someone, if they made my post:

1) She is really wanting to wish me a happy birthday out of the goodness of her heart.

 

2) She is trying to find out, if she still has we wanting her for a back up plan.

 

3) She is looking for an excuse to talk to me and may be considering or interested in working things out.

 

I am guessing 1 and 2. But, if it is 3, then I would want to talk to her because she is strong willed and would not just contact me with out a reason. Please indulge me with your opinions. I am starting to think NC is the way to go, but feel bad about being so rude. And, if she is considering trying to make things work, I would at least want an opportunity to consider it. Ok, talk to me. : )

[kellbell]

You are not being rude. I am sure she contacted you out of the goodness of her heart...I mean you know her better than any of us. I have had ex's call me and wish me a happy birthday but I never called back...what's the point? I have no desire to talk to my ex's. But I am glad that they remembered and took the time to call or text but that was their choice to take the time...but my choice was not to respond back. Looking out for yourself and your well-being in sitautions such as this is not rude....it's commendable.

[Day_Walker]

Regardless of what she is trying to do with the message you have to think what is best for you. That means what is best for you getting over her. Personally I wouldnt respond, but you are going to have to make that determination.

[annie24]

I wouldn't respond either. Keep healing.

 

Happy birthday!!!

[Relationship Coach]

or 4.) She is sending you a Birthday Greeting because she would want the same on her birthday.

 

HAPPY B-DAY! Get rid of what ever she sent you, treat it as if it were junk mail and focus your day on you!

[ocrob]

Yes, after thinking about it I will ignore her. I will send her a bithday greeting in August. By then, I will be over her.

[novaseeker]

I think thats the best decision. It isn't rude, it's just responsible to your own needs at this point in time.

[ocrob]

Just a quick update. I was a little stressed about her e-mailing me. At first I read her e-mail and missed her a bit and now I am so unconcerned about contacting her. It is really weird, she is an amazing person, but lately all I can remember is the bad. Pretty strange?

[Setter5]

I don't know you or the history of this, but in my experience, it is extremely rare that the ex calling you on your birthday is genuine. She knows very well that you are mulling over it.

 

Sounds like you were becoming indifferent. Try to stay on the path.

 

Delete it.

 

Best,

[ocrob]

I got rid of it way ealier today. It has only been 1 month and I am doing pretty good. I really don't know if I would want her back. Not that it is an option, but just in case something happens in the future, I will say this now. I would not jump into anything and there would have to be a long process of rebuilding trust and getting rid of resentment on both sides. The reality is that she holds all of the resentment and I could not deal with her bringing up the past all of the time. No worries, I have no grand illusions, but if anyone else has a chance to get back with their ex, I hope the will proceed with caution.