Just too tense

[Akira]

This is just a quick entry – I hope everyone had an enjoyable New Years. I tried to enjoy mine but was dispirited by people telling me that I looked too tense and serious. Looking back I recall so many times when I've been told to relax, chill, stress less and what have you.

 

I'm not exactly a serious person; I love, love, love to laugh and have fun, but there is another side to me that thinks way too much. I think about everything – how bad things are in the world, death, tragedy. All these thoughts linger with me when I'm trying to enjoy myself. I'm also painfully self-conscious. When I'm with a group of people I project a mental image of myself so that I'm aware of every movement and facial expression I make.

 

I have come to the conclusion that this is what's making me so tense! I just can't relax/stop worrying and it has had a major effect on my sleeping patterns. It also heightens my desire to procrastinate almost everything.

 

This isn't a serious condition by any means, but it is causing so much stress. My self esteem isn't all that great and I always think of what others think of me, which leads to the tenseness. Is there anyone else who has to same problem? People who brood over past events, scrutinizing every moment? I'd appreciate any tips and suggestions on how to de-tense myself and to relax more and enjoy life as much as I can. I don't want to compromise my concerns for the world, but it is healthy to have a balance.

 

Ok, I have rambled on for far too long! Thank you for reading and I'd appreciate any constructive comments. Cheers!

[registered]

I think the problem is mainly to do with how you feel about what other people think about you:

I'm also painfully self-conscious. When I'm with a group of people I project a mental image of myself so that I'm aware of every movement and facial expression I make.

I used to be like that. But I just stopped caring what other people thought and was just started being myself and sucking it all up.

 

I used to be extremely self-conscious, and now I'm the exact opposite. I don't exactly know how that happened but I know that I just stopped caring about what other people thought. I guess I saw how this was ruining me and also saw that I had nothing to lose but did have a lot to gain and so I just took it upon myself to be myself.

 

It's fine to think about everything else and take it with you, that's just who you are. So long as these thoughts dont' dominate your mind and you are able to think of other things then it is healthy.

 

But I think your primary issue is your worries about how other people perceive you and how you perceive yourself...the other worries are fine as long as they don't envelope your mind.

 

So you have to be confident in who you are. I bet you have a lot to offer the world and a lot to be confident about. Think about these things, don't worry about anything else.

Be positive, do not let any negative thoughts about yourself come into your mind.

Let it all hang out, BE YOURSELF!! Do not project an image, project your natural, un-thought out self! You HAVE to do this, this is the root of all your problems.

 

I've projected an image like that before when I was self-conscious but it is a bad idea. You will be much happier if you just stop doing it.

 

There is nothing stopping you doing this, except your own belief in yourself.

[registered]

oh and if you are so tense because of worrying about how others feel about you then you will be generally tense altoghether and the other things will play on your mind more.

So if you can be yourself and not project an image and fight this then you will be more relaxed in general and the other things won't affect you so much.

[Red_Orange_Sun]

I've totally been there. The one thing that's made the biggest difference in how I live came from the Fischerspooner song "Everything to Gain." I'd check them out, kinda electro pop, but cool. Anyways the song talks about how the singer tried everything to improve his life, but was still struggling. And, then he realized that when it came right down to it, he had "nothing to lose and everying to Gain." That is, pretty much no matter the situation, what do you have lose by taking a risk? Nothing. When the alternative is feeling trapped inside yourself, knowing that you're so much more. * * * * it, smoke that joint for the big party....go up and talk to that cute girl sitting on the couch.

 

That's the first step, realizing that when it comes down to it, you've got nothing to lose. I mean are you happy now? Now, I must say that the above advice is very freeing, but that it should also be tempered with wisdom. I mean what have you got to lose from stepping off that bridge?....your life, that's what. Stuff like that. For the most part though, and especially for social situations, you've got nothing to lose.

 

Hope this helps.

 

Later.