He's so unforgiving!

[theantibarbie23]

My fiance and I have been together for four years or so and we normally get along well enough. There is one thing about him that drives me insane. On the rare occasions where we do argue or have any type of serious disagreement, he always holds a grudge.

 

He will give me the cold shoulder and snub me for weeks. It doesn't matter how much I apologize or try and reason with him. He can never just let things go. It really gets under my skin and always leaves me feeling dejected and depressed.

 

Last night I drank for the second time since our daughter was born in May. I didn't realize just how low my tolerance has really gotten and was totally drunk to the point where I have some memory loss about the events that took place yesterday.

 

When I woke up this morning he was acting cold torwards me and I thought maybe he wasn't feeling well. He continued on like this all day and finally I asked if something happened last night. I told him that I was so drunk that I can barely remember anything.

 

He told me that I acted like a complete * * * and was picking huge fights with him all night long. I apologized for getting so drunk that I ruined his evening and gave him a hug. He immediately turned his back to me and went right back to snubbing me.

 

He won't tell me what we fought about or anything. It's making me insane that I am going to have to go through this for days if not longer when I don't even know exactly what I did!

 

I guess I'm not really looking for advice really. I just really needed to rant.

[newts]

The cold shoulder treatment sucks, what can you do? That is just him, and unfortunately you just have to accept that this is him and always be.

[Tigris]

I agree with newts, you'll just have to accept him as he is because he's never going to change. You'll probably find he'll get worse the older he gets! The other solution is to finish the relationship.

 

Please cut down on your drinking. It's not good when you don't remember what's been happening. Plus you could put yourself and your little girl in danger!

 

I hope things get better for you soon.

 

Good luck and take care.

[Mun]

Could it be that when you were drunk you said things you are too cautious to say when sober and now he is all hurt over that?

 

In any case, it sounds like this is a character flaw. I don't know how he could change this behavior, first he has to WANT to change.

 

Hmm.. What is your usual response to this behavior? Maybe you should go left when he expects you to go right. Do the unexpected and see what that accomplishes... in the very least it will get his attention.

 

What if you ignore him when he is like this? ...Sorry, I'm all over the place, just throwing some ideas out there to ya....

[darkblue]

I like Mun's suggestion about doing the unexpected.

He uses this method because it gets to you and has been proven to work.

If you show that it doesn't work - and basically it's not on - he may think differently about it.