I need to grow up and be an adult

[romanticlover]

First off, Happy New Year to everyone. Thank you to all that have replied to my last posts about my jealousy and insecurities with my girlfriend. It really helped. We have had a few long talks about being jealous, her ex, etc etc and she said I have nothing to be jealous about. I actually enjoy talking to her on a deep level as it brings us closer.

 

Now onto an ongoing problem that I feel is causing a problem with me and in my relationship. I have come to the conclusion that I see things in a certain way, somewhat in a fantasy world, and if they don't go as planned, I get very upset, mope around and just loose all of my self esteem and positivity. Instead of acting like an adult and just going with the punches and making the best, I just start to pout, look sad, and feel like crap and it brings me down and my girlfriend. She tells me to act like a man, grow up and just go with the flow. I really don't like feeling like this and it has been a pattern in all of my close relationships. I get very easily disappointed and if something doesn't go as planned, I get like this. This actually ruined the beginning of New Years eve for us and I understood why she was mad afterwards and felt horrible. I don't know why I have always been like this and I really want to stop. I want to be more secure, confident, positive and just go with the flow and not get so upset if things don't go as planned. I feel if someone doesn't give as much as me or react how I would, I expect too much and easily get let down. Please help me get through this and has anyone every been this way? Thanks

[locolady]

Hello - i'm new to this forum - was looking for somewhere to vent some jealous feelings & get some advice. I appreciate how you are feeling - i;m very similar. I think we are so saturated with images of perfect love, beautiful people, romantic gestures etc that real life cannot match up. This may sound like a cop-out but i dont mean it that way. We live in a society that teaches us to have high expectations of relationships and of other people - think of scenes from all the rom-com films e.g. the bloke dumps the girl, realises his mistake - is outside her house in the rain playing bon jovi on his guitar and singing begging her to take him back etc etc! Overblown gestures like that are depicted all around us and sadly that just doesnt happen in real life! This aint a disney film im afraid! This syndrome is something i too suffer from - but all you can do is try to focus on the good times with your girlfriend - be warned that too much sulking will cost you dearly as i know all too well When you catch yourself about to start a row or begin to feel disgruntled maybe take yourself off for a minute, just to the toilet or something and bring to your mind three memories of fantastic times with your girlfriend - then go back to her with a smile and change the subject or if you have done somehting wrong apologise then move on....this is the hardest part and the bit i wish i'd learned in time to save my relationship....once you've said sorry, let it go! Going on about how you feel bad things have gone wrong only makes the horrible feelings last longer! Anyway, hope that might help?! Good luck, appreciate the time you have and try to be positive - nothings more attractive!

[romanticlover]

Hi. Thanks Locolady. I appreciate the advice. I understand where you are coming from. Things aren't perfect. I get disappointed when someone doesn't react the way I do. I ask myself, how can they not be as sweet, how can t hey not be as affectionate, etc etc and I get let down when they just don't act the same way I would. I have been with many different types of girls, but most of the time I loose my attraction towards them. My girlfriend now gives me that challenge. I don't know if it's good for me or not case I end up feeling upset and an emptiness instead. I don't know why. I guess it goes back to knowing that I would react totally different. This is something I am working on. Accepting the person for who they are. But I do keep in mind if I am totally miserable for who she is, then it's not healthy for me. But with her, I am accepting her more and understanding how she is. She is a beautiful person and I am lucky. I just need to work on this problem of expecting the same that I would do.