Best friend settled too fast with wrong guy. =(

[maroB]

A while back i stated that i had a friend that was having a hard time letting go of her ex-boy friend. Well i think after months and months she kind of let go. Which is a good thing.

 

now we come to the new problem. She is so desperate to find a new boyfriend that she has been dating left and right. There is nothing wrong with this and i was happy that she was finally moving on from her ex. But she has settled down with this new guy that she hardly knows. She dated him for about 2 weeks and the two decided to be boyfriend and girlfriend.

 

I would normally be happy for her and excited that she finally found a boyfriend. But.... he is so unstable, he uses drugs at least once every two weeks. He is bi-polar, if he does not take his meds he goes into his phases. there are a few other things wrong with the guy.

 

I mean i know love is blind and all but when your best friend is telling you not to date a person with that kind of baggage i think you should listen. I can only assume that its not going to last and i.... once again will be saying, "I told you so."

 

I am just ranting. This is how i handled this situation. I told her that i do not like that she settled down to fast, and if she really likes this new guy, that she better be prepared to make his issues a part of her life. i also told her that its not something she can change about him, but has to accept. But at the moment i do not think she is listening to reason. well ... at least she is happy. =)

 

Thank you.

[newts]

As much as you are a fantastic friend for realising she is with a loser, it's not up to you to decide who your friend is with or not.

 

All you can do in this situation is be a good friend and pick up the pieces when it ends. That is what we do as friends, we are happy to go along for the ride until they fall. You can't make decisions for her, just accept it and be there for her if she needs you.

 

Maybe things will workout, maybe they wont, it's not our decision, it's our friends. That's what friends are for.

[avman]

Yep, newts hit it right on the head. As a friend, you told her your concerns. And now thats it. You have to let her decide. You can't force her to make the decision you want her to make. Friends don't do that to each other.

 

I'm glad you are concerned about her well being and that you care about her. That does make you a great friend. Trust that your friend will eventually see what you see and make the decision that is right for her.

[Shadows Light]

Right on the money. A friend doesn't control. As a friend sometimes you see things that "MAY" not be acceptable to you personally. And as a friend you see things about your friends that may be clear as day. But you see them through your own filters and you see them from the outside you are not emotionally involved.

 

As a good friend you voice your concerns and let it be. Let them make their own choices. And you sit back as a friend and let the cards fall where they may. IF it falls appart... then you're there to pick up the pieces.

 

I "HAD" a good good friend of 12 years that I'd voiced my concerns to. She was diving into a marriage head first. Guess what. She married him and I am no longer her friend. By her choice. LOL. And thats ok. I'm ok with me... I think that I did the right thing. I have no regrets telling her how I saw it. I wish them both the best. However, I do hear that 2 years later now... hmmmmm there are problems. Go figure. Didnt see that coming. ](*,)

[traz]

heh

 

I (guy) have a best friend (girl) who has a terrible track record with guys. She's had about 3 boyfriends, and all of them are quite simply, losers with no future. At the time, they had all failed high school and were working dead-end jobs, and did drugs and drank in the evenings. They were obviously insensitive and immature, as opposed to her sensitivity and maturity. They contrasted from her very much, as she was really smart and hard working, and could get a ton of guys. Maybe thats why she was so attracted.

 

Anyhow, each time, I knew that there would be problems in the relationship quickly, and I tried to "warn" her as best I could, but she thought I was just jealous or that I didn't know what I was talking about. Of course, in each relationship I was right...but I never said "I told you so". She's my best friend, and though sometimes I can see when she will make a mistake, and she doesn't always listen to me, I"ll still try and warn her each and every time and still be there for her when something goes wrong.