are they all this bad?

[steff]

Last night I had my two best friends around for new years eve.

We started talking about our parents and their relationships, both Travis and James vowed never to turn out like their fathers, both their fathers including mine are really mean, and like yelling at everyone. We all live in very respectable families, however, at the moment im noticing that my parents relationship, and my friends parents relationship, and a lot of other married peoples relationships are really bad. Their not happy, my parents have been together for 30 years, and travis and james's parents have also been together for a long time, and what im asking, is that as time goes by, does the relationship decreases, and the partners start fighting more and more?

 

I really like james, but I see so much of my father in him, which makes me not want to be with him. I don't want to start a relationship because im scared that if I fall in love, I will be stupid enough to marry him, and then as the years go by I will be unhappy.

 

I guess that im asking to hear from people that are in a long term marriage, and if they are still happy. Do your partners still actually talk you? Or are they too occupied with work? Does the father in the family still spend time with the kids????

 

Please give me back my faith in marriage, and the 'happily ever after'

[DN]

You might cut fathers some slack - there is still enormous pressure on men to be good providers and be successful. Many of the posts on here from men and women will bear that out.To be successful these days requires a lot of time spent at work and that work ethic expectation is getting worse not better. Many women choose to give up work and stay with their children but that is a harder option for men to take.

 

I have been married for a long time and still talk to my wife. Times have been tough but we have got through them. My daughters seem as attached to me as to their mother and my grandchildren are always very pleased to see both of us.

[nikkers04]

I would have to say that ... even though I've never been married and i'm only 20 that marriages take work. You can't just give up I mean when you are just bf gf its easy to just break up when you know things aren't working out but when you are married you made a commitment you swore to stand by them for your lifetime....who wants to give up on that....My grandparents snap at each other quite often....But I know its out of pure love a love that only they could understand.

[Relationship Coach]

Steff,

I can understand your concern but I also want you to consider this as well. As DN said, many working fathers have a large responsibility as do the stay at home moms and working moms. Running a family isn't easy and there sometimes are not enough hours in the day to get it all done. For years I traveled and worked for the government as a criminal psychologist and sacrificed my family for a healthy paycheck. It created problems in my first marriage and I missed out on many firsts with my son and 2 step daughters. School plays, losing a first tooth, softball games and the list could go on and on.

 

I have since remarried and have left my old career behind as I started working from home and shifting my abilities to solve different types of problems. Since then I have seen so much of what I had missed years ago and it's just not possible to make up for lost time. There are many great parents out there who are faced with the same dilemma that I was and don't have the ability to make the change. I guess you need to walk in their shoes and understand life from their perspective. I love my children very much and spend as much time as I can with them, this goes for my wife as well. Without her, I would be lost. As a stay at home mom, she works harder than I do and takes a lot of pressure off of me. We do the best we can, we learn from our past mistakes and always communicate.

 

Some parents are simply overwhelmed with all that has to be done and all that is not getting done. I grew up in a military family that was very strict and time with my parents was centered around the dinner table. At times I felt cheated but today I look back and realize how wonderful I really had it. Give your parents a chance and try to understand their side. I feel at times that I'm a ring master and my home, my career and my family are a three ring circus. I've always been a fan of the circus and I cannot imagine my life any other way.